Finally

I suppose I should actually try and write something, like actually say something, but as is the norm, I have nothing to say.
Wait. That's not true. I have one thing to address, and one thing to complain about.

So, sometimes I stalk Janee's blog, because I normally agree with what she says, and noticed she called me out on her blog, which is her right to do so. I just wanted to address what she said in my own rag-tag platform, because I don't think she quite grasps my position. Or maybe she does. I would never say, as a former victim (or whatever the appropriate word is, because victim doesn't sound quite right) of rape that anyone woman anywhere deserves it because of crimes she has committed or because she can't afford a Benz. I was saying that you cannot necessarily trust criminals to accurately represent a situation, because all of them have the same story. Do I believe it happens? Sure, once and a while. I believe I was more discussing the fact that these women were claiming they were put in jail to divulge information, not that they were all liars about rape. I have never called a woman a liar when she says that, and I never would, because I know what its like to be called a liar. All I said on the subject was that not all male guards are raping women, and a woman guard can not always be found to search a woman in prison because there are simply not enough. I'm not going to lie that I'm a little upset, as someone who knows what it's like, and someone who wants to work inside the criminal justice system that anyone would think of me in such a way, but words do not always come across the best on the internet. That's my peace, I certainly don't expect a response and have do not plan on any kind of rebuttal. I don't really feel like I need to make any kind of explanation, but I would hate for any one to think I think women don't deserve rights. It is my only cause.

Onwards. So, Courtney is on my last fucking nerve in this place. Wait, hold on, let me correct that. When Fabrice is here the pair of them are on my last fucking nerve. I'm sick of Fabrice making three people watch American Choppers while he's on his laptop, or the two of them making out on the couch while I am trying to watch television or read in the living room. He thinks he's too good to play Just Dance 2 with us, but has no problem making fun of us, or offering suggestions on how we might dance better. Um, you come up here and dance, then we'll talk. She doesn't do anything with us, unless Fabrice will do it with us. The lines are definitely drawn in the apartment, Justen and I vs them, and we've had about enough. Courtney and I started watching season 3 of True Blood, something Fabrice has made fun of over and over again, and last night while I was at work the two of them decided to watch four episodes of it without me, which, okay rude, but even more rude for them to continue watching it while I am in the house. I have no choice but to be spoiled or to go in my room. I hate the fact that I feel like I should be in my room anyway when the two of them are here. I mean, COME THE FUCK ON. He's not paying rent but hes been here since the second week of december and he'll be here until the third week of January. He eats everything in the house, hes got this computer thing hooked up to our television using god knows how much electricity, plus another television in Courtneys room that he plays x-box on while shes not here, but hes constantly bitching about how much heat we use, how much water we use, Justens lamp being on. He doesn't do dishes, or clean up after himself, and he uses like 8 cups for liquids every day that Justen goes through the house picking up. The other morning I was watching a movie and Fabrice and Courtney came in and he just switched off what I was watching to his computer so they could browse through pictures of France. No, I wasn't watching that, go ahead. You don't have a laptop for this shit, you obviously need my television for that. Don't let my movie get in the way of your stuff. The other night I came home to them literally stretched across our couch kissing and watching Cars. O.M.G. can't you wait four fucking hours until you go to bed to do that shit? Justen and I have decided that I'm gonna invite Mike over and do the same, like totally just be all over him and Justen is gonna act like its completely normal.

Ugh. I feel better now that I got all that out. I'm generally happy about things in general.

Hokay. I'll write again in four months.
Peace ho

-mb

To Where? That's the important part.

Christmas has been pretty exciting so far. Sheldon party, McMullen party, Coburn family, all done. Franks and Gladstone families left.

I got a game at the McMullen party, William got money. Neither of us got anything at the Sheldon party, but my mom bought us a wii. Well, really she just gave me the money that I spent on it, so she retroactively bought us a wii.

I got a necklace at the Coburns and money, and William got a book and money. Plus his mom gave us a candle box full of money, which was kind of a fun way to give us $500 because most of it was in $1 bills.

All together we've made probably close to $1,500 this Christmas. woot.

Going to River City for new years with Nick and possibly my mom.

That's about all that's new/exciting atm. Sitting in the Coburns' livingroom in Albany right now.

So...Mike bought me a plane ticket for Christmas.

Ah, the winter season.

Every year, ev-er-y year we listen to the same bitching this time of year.

Mr. Agnostic doesn't like you shoving Christ down his throat, so he sues Walmart for making him feel ostracized. Mrs. Christian doesn't like you taking away her ability to say Merry Christmas, so she protests by sending a hundred email forwards with "MERRY CHRISTMAS. There, I said it!" to everyone she knows. Ms. Jewish makes a point of correcting ~anyone~ who dares say Merry Christmas to her, with a very snippy "Happy Chanukah" and Mr. Kanye West makes a public statement about how America hates black people because nobody ever talks about Kwanza.

Ok, everybody. Shut the fuck up! Listen...

Mr. I-hate-Christmas, it is not your Christian neighbors fault that Christmas is the "biggest" holiday of the year, so let them celebrate it in piece. No one is making you celebrate it. I think you can handle a nativity scene or two on your drive to work. If not, don't look at them.

Mrs. In-God-We-Trust, there are other religions in this country. I know you hate to admit that, but there are. Learn to fucking share... I mean, isn't that the Christian thing to do. Also, I have heard complaints that people try to "get what they want" out of Christians by saying that something is the "Christian thing to do." and to that I say... well... if it's the Christian thing to do, you should be doing it. End of story. No one is taking your religious rights away, so stop saying that they are. When I walk into Walmart (as much as I try to avoid it) you know what I see? Christmas shit. Everywhere.

Ms. Dont-insult-me-by-assuming-I'm-Christian, look, you have every right in the world to say Happy Chanukah to someone, and I encourage you to do so, but how about not getting so easily offended at someone for wishing you a happy season with the wrong holiday.

Kanye West, America doesn't hate black people. America hates you. If I knew someone who celebrated Kwanza, I would wish them a happy Kwanza. I would probably also ask what kind of traditions go with that, because I don't know anything about it, and I'd be interested in learning first hand, but I'm not going to go around wishing people, or worse, wishing black people specifically a happy Kwanza because that's racist, not the other way around. (Note: This is not to the actual Kanye West. The actual Kanye West, according to himself, celebrates "regular Christmas." I looked it up before completing this paragraph. The reason why I chose that title for the person is because, in my opinion, Kanye West is one of the most entitlement-complex driven people in the media in this country. This paragraph could also be directed at a paparazzi that actually wished Kanye West a "joyous Kwanza" in a tmz video-- of course it's TMZ, who else is that rude?-- and basically made an ass of himself instead of Kanye West, which I'm sure was the intent.)


The problem that actually drives this shit is commercialism. If the winter season weren't so heavily commercialized, then everyone could celebrate their holiday in relative privacy, and no one would even have a chance to feel offended. Door greeters could say "Happy Chanukah" and a patron could reply, "I celebrate Christmas, but Happy Chanukah to you." and the door greeter would reply, "Thank you, and a Merry Christmas to you."

It is our fault, by the way, that the commercialism of Christmas has gotten so out of hand. Well... ours and corporations. We let them exploit our weaknesses. Namely, our children. What does your child want for Christmas... they want the newest, most expensive toy, and you're going to get it for them, because you love them, and because if you don't, all of their friends will have one and their life will be ruined forever. Why do they want it? Because the tv told them they wanted it, and told them that they'd be a fool not to demand it from you. So you go and stand in an hour long line for a day and a half waiting to get it with hundreds of other parents in the same boat.

This is why my children will not watch tv. The can watch pre-recorded shit that I deem worthy and have cut the commercials out of, because children don't know what they want, they just let other people tell them what they want.

I have very little faith in the American public, or the American corporations. Within a couple years I will be living and working in South Korea, and you all can babble on about how America is the best place to live. More power to you, because if you like it here, that's great, but I have to believe there is something better out there, because I hate this. Everyone sues everyone, and the corporations will eventually rule the country. They will. Scifi writers know it, it's time we woke up to that truth too.

I also am aware of the irony that in telling people to stop complaining, I myself was complaining. You don't have to point it out, I know.

Resolutions are little white lies you tell yourself...

It's like when you're a kid and Mom tells you that they gave your dog to farmers who have a much bigger yard and a female dog for him to fall in love and play with and have lots of little baby puppies and maybe someday you'll get one of those puppies, but you can't visit because they live too far away, and Americans aren't allowed there because the treaty between their country and our country expired a couple months ago, and so they even had to smuggle Bobo out just to get him there and he's infinitely happier even though he loves and misses you.

Yeah, my parents were overly elaborate. That's a true fake story by the way. Poor bo. I'm still not sure exactly what happened to him, but I'm pretty sure it does not involve a farm, and it certainly doesn't involve my dog being an illegal immigrant to some random country.

For once I actually remember what my New Years resolution was last year: To learn at least one new thing each month/start one new hobbie. Which is vague enough that I might have succeeded accidentally.

Anyway, I'm being foolish enough to make one again this year. New Years resolution: Make money. again, vague, and super achievable.

I'm looking into cheap-skate ways to do it too, like donating eggs, blood, bone marrow, etc. Street performing on game days downtown. Music lessons. Writing a legit blog. Writing a novel (ha). Learning to program (ha HA). Selling my shit on ebay. Starting a web comic. and who knows...? There's always gamecrush.com

I could be a drug dealer... but I don't know where/how to get drugs. :P


helllloooooo craigslist :P

Female Judges. Pretty... and Pretty Dumb.

Ok, can someone PLEASE tell me why it is impossible for one of these stupid competition shows to hire a female judge that is at least borderline intelligent? I mean, there's a such thing as pretty AND smart.

What has my panties in a twist, you ask? The Sing-off.

Judges:

Ben Folds: zomg. First of all, I love Ben Folds. Second of all, he is a phenomenal judge. He gives articulate and useful comments, and just exudes musical brilliance. (kind of like a nice Simon)

Shawn Stockman: The lead from Boyz II Men. Great guys, funny, like-able, and still makes constructive comments. (Like a smarter, more credible version of Randy)

And then you have Nicole Scherzinger: Who let her on a show where she would have to speak? I mean, I'm pretty sure she took english lessons from Paris Hilton. Her comments to groups are usually somewhere along the lines of, "That was hot/dope/etc" "you guys did your thing," or my personal fave (vomit), "Shawn had a musical orgasm" Followed by (on the next episode), "I had a musical climax" BOTH of which were said to the same group of young Christian boys... uh... hello? Nicole? Could you think of a more awkward and inappropriate group to be talking about orgasms with???

Also, these shows are pretty obviously fixed sometimes. I.E. the judges voting off a group of such high caliber like the Wiffenpoofs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sE5eye0eiYA). It was clear that one of the two male college groups had to go, because viewers like diversity, but OF COURSE On the Rocks stays because they were fucking youtube famous before the show even started.

Also, why is Jerry Lawson allowed to compete? He's been in music for decades. He's great, but that's not exactly making it a fair competition. Why don't we just have a show where a bunch of already made celebrities compete? Because it would be boring as fuck.

AAAAAnnnyway.

Two finals down. AgSc final was a joke. No literally, I laughed at almost every question. I love that professor.

"Who is known as the father of agriculture? A. Norman Borlaug, B. Angelina Jolie"

"What is every agriculturists dream? A. develop a super plant to solve world hunger, B. Own many plasma screen tvs., C. I don't care, I'm too busy watching Family Guys on my iPhone."

I really did learn in that class. He just doesn't like the idea of giving a final, but he's required to. I'm not complaining. lol.

So I still have Music History (easy schmeazy) and my vocal jury (fuck you Dr. J) on Thursday, but for now, it's reading day eve, which means... PAAARTAY! but not really. For me it just means more sleep :D

Edit: ALSO, Nicole's outfits are continuously atrocious. Each is 100% worse than the last.

brown dress is at my mom's. You can get it at anytime, or wait until I come home and I'll grab it when I come to hang with you.

BREAK

Everyone bitches about finals waaah waaaah waaaah. Thank God I chose an easy major. And that I am naturally smart since I'm such a procrastinator. Otherwise I would flunk out and work in a mcdonalds forever.
No disrepect meant.

Sooo its been ages and ages since I wrote in here, but like always I never have anything interesting to say. Life seems to be going quite well for me lately, which means something is bound to go wrong. I have been forced to listen to a lot of christmas music lately, which I hate. I'm a total grinch, I'm aware of it. Whatevs.
So, new boyfriend, my third one this year. Thank god the year is almost over, and hopefully this one lasts a little longer than four months. We had a chat tonight, things are going well, hes a nice guy.
Anyway, so I have one more final thursday, and a paper to e-mail to a teacher and then its game on. I'm gonna party like its my birthday. We're planning an old school party like we used to do in high school, you know the kind, where everyone is blacked out drunk, crying in hallways, sleeping with people in garages, etc etc. Should be incredibly awful, but I'm excited about it none the less.
I'm also really looking forward to new years, dunno what Mike and I are planning on doing, I just know that at midnight it involves a kiss, because he told me so, and he means what he says. I bought a really cute dress for the occasion. Speaking of, I want that brown one back please and thanks.

I have a red wii and just dance 2, not gonna lie, I am totally obsessed

until next month

-embee

I hate this moment in every semester.

Tuesday night of the week before finals. Because the end is so close, but it feels like it just wont get here already. Add to that, that I'm sick as a dog (a dog that's sick anyway) and you've got the perfect terrible evening.

BLEH.

Stop staring at me, Homework!

gtfo my apartment please

So, William has this new habit of having friends over all the time... even when he is not here. Like, I'm all for being hospitable, but... I like my alone time here, and I also like not feeling awkward in my own home with people I don't know. Am I supposed to be socializing with them? Because I'm not. I'm tired, and I have homework. I felt weird at first, wanting to go get breakfast but not knowing if I should offer food to people, but then I stopped feeling weird, because I heard the microwave turn on, and went out to find people making ramen. ooooook. Clearly William and I need to have a little chat, and I need to make sure I lock the door behind him when he leaves.

This is a really bizzarre situation. I mean, they're all nice people, but... They don't live here. I like just having one roommate.

That woman holding up the wii console victoriously this year...

yup, that was me. Got one for $150 ($199 and a free $50 walmart gift card). So I now have wii and wii fit, with a promise to myself that I'm going to work off the holiday weight before I get it. My "Wii fit age" is 20. So apparently I'm as fit as college Junior. I feel like there's really not a difference there and that maybe the wii just wanted to make me feel good about myself, but whatever.

That's all I got on Black Friday though. Bought it with my gambling winnings from midterm. Then took the rest of my winnings ($500) to the casino and doubled it, making my Wii and fit basically free. I lost $30 last night though, playing a private tourney at my mom's friends house, and dropping out before the paying spots.

I get a little annoyed with the bad rep that gambling has. People say it's a waste of money, but really you're just paying for entertainment, so it's no more wasteful than seeing a movie, or a sporting event, plus there's a chance you might win and leave with more than you came with. As long as you don't play for more than you can part with. There are certainly people who gamble unhealthily, and waste away their savings trying to get rich quick, but if that's why you are playing, you need to not play. I play because I enjoy it, and I play in moderation. Other things are just as easy to get "too" into. Like people who play a video game like it's a part time job, or who spend a fortune so they can never miss a sporting game, or go to the movies twice a week. If you can afford the time/money then that's great, but if you can't, then you're just as addicted and just as bad off as a gambling addict.

Yes, in the grand scheme of things, the house always wins, because no matter how many people win, they take far more money out of people's wallets than they put back, but... so does every other business. As long as you're not an idiot, a night at the casino should (at tops) cost you the same as an average "night out." If I were to go to dinner and then the bars or something, I might spend between $30-40 so that's how much I'll take to "the boat." If I win a bunch, then I have more to play with, or I have plenty to leave with. (i.e. I started with $40 at a black jack table and won $100, so I took that hundred to the poker room so I could buy-in a seat at hold 'em and made another $100)

Poker is something I'm good at, and something I enjoy. I feel like that is more than enough reason to play.

On a completely different note: The engagement is facebook official now. hurrah. And for any nay-sayers who think this wont last (you know who you are) I look forward to proving you wrong (not like I haven't before) almost as much as I look forward to walking down the aisle. William and I are perfect for each other. Not only could I spend the rest of my life with him, I could spend the rest of my life with only him. Everyone else could move to the moon, and we'd be just as well. Not to say that I don't love everyone, just that when it comes down to it, he is all I need to be happy, everything else is just a bonus. (ok... I mean, I need oxygen, water, food and all that, but clearly you knew what I meant.)

I really should've done homework over break. This blog is the last thing I'm allowed to do before everything is done. UUUUGH! graduation cannot come soon enough.

#ihateliars

D&D is just the first step to joining the occult

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp?ref=nf

Because as you may know, dying in D&D is basically the end of your life.

Also, I love that the parents whose daughter has been shut in her room "for weeks" didn't notice that she wasn't coming out even for food... or the bathroom... and never bothered to break open the door, but then the friend shows up, and it's like, "oh hey, maybe we should go in there and see what's up..."

Funny moment of the day

William's dad is my friend on Skype, and he has his itunes sync'd to it so it shows what he's listening to. I just logged on and he is listening to Poker Face by Lady Gaga. so funny.

Also! P-A-X PAX! I can't wait! rawr.

Also, Also! Wedding Planning is stressful. I need to stop thinking about it and do my damn homework. I'm glad I have Janée *hug*

Can someone do my shit-ton-of homework for me? Please. uuuuuuuuuugh.

I'm suddenly oodles of nervous for no reason... it's concerning. My legs are shaking like I'm about to go on stage at the Fox or something... heart is racing.. what the hell is going on. I hate this!

AHG!

"They always say 'Remember, remember, the 5th of November'...

... and now... you'll never forget." - best line from the whole thing.

I think I've called William, "fiance" over 50 times in the last 14-ish hours. I still can't believe it.

Can't put it on facebook until after T-day break though, so we have a chance to tell our families first.

It feels weirder than I thought it would... being "engaged." I mean, I'm only 21...

Ok, I'm going to giggle for a couple hours now.

Let Dan and Garry kill me last night. Started watching Dexter last night. I pretty much love it. I'm not super into serial killers, or anything, but I'm certainly into this one. Internet TV pretty much makes my life complete.

Dexter
Community
Lie to Me
Merlin
House
Glee
Eureka
Doctor Who
Torchwood
Family Guy
etc.

<3 Fiction.

mmm...brains. I still have mine. >:)

hm, how much do I care what you thought of my costume? not. I don't. Get a life, I mean really. I had a good time, my friends had a good time. If you think we were having a little, "too good" of a time, then I'm sorry you're so uptight. We weren't streaking or having sex on your coffee table, soooo... yeah. I think it was a kick ass night, and I think it's hilarious that **** got so drunk that he stole TruMen's **** and doesn't even remember. That's all I can put though, because... he's embarrassed and asked me not to tell anyone. lol.

Anyway, no harm done.

I don't understand bitchy people. It was fun in high school because everyone was doing it to everyone else, but now you're 20something, and people just think it's annoying.

Like I said though, Halloween was so much fun. Sorry to those I didn't get a chance to see. I only went to two places (Pre-party and the TruMen house) before I was too far gone to be going anywhere else. Wish I'd have made it to the bars though.

Janée! You really need to be in Cantoria again... I'm going crazy without you, and Lisa's missing even more days this year, if you can believe that.

Chao. gotta take a music history test.

I think it's outrageous that someone can be punished based on an assumption, but we've been talking enough about that.
__________________________________________________________

Is anyone else sick of seeing videos, posters, and wtf ever else with hot girl with large breasts who are "gamer girls"

The word's been out that girls play games (*gasp*!) for sometime now. It's old. There was a time when this was a novel little act, and that time was 5 years ago. Learn to actually play, and put a shirt on please.

It's funny that the standard for what makes a guy a gamer is "doesn't really have a social life outside of xbox live/blizzard/Ventrillo/Steam/wtfever" and for a girl it's "I think I saw her play mario party once." --obviously, those are exaggerations. Really though, I don't care too much about that. If someone claims to be a gamer, in my opinion, that makes them one, because that's what they associate themselves with.

What does annoy me, is what I was just saying before that little digression. Girls who act like the fact that they play video games, at any level, act like they are some kind of gift to man. News Flash Ladies: Guys play video games to (*drumroll*) Play a GAAAME... not be teased be some stupid bitch with a headset talking about stupid shit, playing dumb, and giggling uncontrollably. I don't care if you are the freaking Queen of 1337, if you act like a dumb hoe, people are going to be annoyed. 13 year olds who've never seen boobs before might love you, but everyone else thinks you're an idiot.

I bring this up because a specific dumb hoe. William and I play WoW with several other couples (married and not), and a few single people. We used to all play with someone who easily fits that description and would coooonstantly flirt with guys who's girlfriends were right there playing the game with them! I mean... come on!

To all girls who feel special and extra sexy because they hold a wiimote in pictures: I am sorry that you lack the self confidence in everyday situations to consider yourself attractive, but you have GOT to get rid of this delusion that all gamers are ugly fat guy in their mom's basement who've never spoken to a girl before, or seen breasts outside of a porno, who will just cum in their pants at the thought that they ~might~ be playing with a girl.

Edit: I do realize that I am a girl who plays video games. I would not say that I play enough, or am good enough to be a "gamer" so I wouldn't say that I am a "gamer girl," though, humorously... I am probably better than a lot of girls who do claim that rank.

The thing is, the officer who does the arresting has no way of know if you knew what was going on or not, it's not like you would tell the truth if you did, so you have to assume they knew the whole time. It's sad it has to be that way, but honesty is a rare thing these days, especially when you're faced with the possibility with jail time. Would you get jail for being an accessory? Probably not, unless its a murder charge, or a large scale drug thing, kidnapping, etc. The things you mentioned, they probably got fined and community service, which still sucks, but that's the rules.
What I'm saying is, in the article they site incidents like that being a common occurrence, which I don't believe. There are video camera everywhere, so maybe one in a thousand women are sexually assaulted, but not every woman is. The problem is there are more men who are guards then women, so they have to make do with what they have. I'm sure if they could get all women they would, but the reality is they just don't. Are there corrupt guards, of course, just like there are corrupt lawyers and teachers and everything else. It doesn't make it right, but not all are.
That's what bothered me with the article the most. Maybe one in ten thousand are there for poor or unfounded reasons, but they are not all there because the police are trying to punish their loved ones. That's all I'm saying about it, really. If they were discussing prison in Columbia I would have been, "oh yeah, well that's probably true," but reading that I was like, "bullshit, ten points from gryffindor!" haha, but seriously.

Annnyyywaaayyy so...I'm gonna be in Springtown this weekend most likely to see a boy...with blue eyes, I have been smiling non-stop all week. It only took me, what...4 years? Whatevs. I'm excited.
See you bitch.

-mb

I don't think that someone in a vehicle with someone who has drugs should be arrested though. I mean, in so many situations, they could have no idea, and there whole life gets fucked up because they got in the wrong car. I know it doesn't matter what I think because that's the law. It's just irritating. On a small-scale example, I have two friends who've gotten in trouble that way. One got an MIP for being in the car with someone who had alcohol in her purse, and another friend was arrested for distributing to a minor, because she was over 21 in the same car. Neither of them had any idea the other girl had alcohol on her.

I realize that that's part of the guards job, and that it has to be done. It's sad, to me, that they can't get a same sex person to do it, like they do in a school or an airport. I mean, these people are still human beings, who shouldn't be made to feel like they have absolutely no worth, no privacy, and no control over themselves whatsoever. The big thing that I was trying to focus on, though, were the guards doing more than "their job." This article, among others, talks about the numerous women who ~are~ raped/assaulted by guards.

I know you believe in the system, but it's got problems just like everything else.

A male guard running his hands over a female prisoner isn't exactly sexual assault, just like a female guard running her hands over a male prisoner isn't sexual assault either. The exact definition of assault is the crime of violence against another person. That is not violence against another person, that is someone doing their job.
Yes it's sad that people who are abused as girls tend repeat the cycle as adults because that's all they know, but it doesn't cause people to become criminals, and I'll have you know that it is a crime in this country to live with another person who is partaking in illegal activities. If you're caught driving in a car with someone with drugs, you are an accomplice. If they throw you in jail for it, it's not because you won't testify against your boyfriend/dad, its because you were involved. Its a crime in the United States to put someone in jail because they won't help you out.
You're basically listening to criminals and feeling sorry for them based on one side of an argument. If I were incarcerated I would say "its not my fault blah blah blah" too.
I'm just saying.

-mb

If you read further, it gets into the "reasons" why a lot of women are there. That's the part that really got me. Women who's husband's or boyfriends or fathers, etc. committed crimes and they got punished for it because of ignorance, or that they wouldn't testify against their husbands.

I'm not saying that prison should be like a vacation. I'm just saying that a woman who's been abused (physically, sexually, emotionally, etc) shouldn't go to prison and then be violated and abused by the staff their. That's what the article is really getting at, in my opinion. The overlooking of women being sexually and physically assaulted in prison by male guards.

In a lot of cases, I really dislike comparisons used for the sake of argument. Just because A is better than B, doesn't mean A is good, or even acceptable.

I haven't read all of the article yet, but I wanted to start commenting on it now. I don't feel bad for any of these women, or their conditions. I feel like she tries to play on the readers sympathy, saying things like, "these women were abused" or "male guards touch us daily and I don't like it" without focusing on the fact that every single person in that prison is there for a reason. The United States is probably one of the best places in the world to be incarcerated, prison is not a trip to a Hilton hotel. I see no reason why any criminal deserves to have possessions, lengthy phone calls. You don't get the luxury of things like that anymore, and its hard to feel bad for this woman trying to explain to me the plight of women behind bars when the fact of the matter is, they broke the law, they made a choice no matter what happened to them as children or young adults, they made a choice to violate the rules society set down for us, and there are consequences.
It's sad that a lot more minorities are being shuffled through, since typically lower income people from poor areas turn to crime, but the fact of the matter is, anyone from any back ground can become anything.

So...thanks for the read...but I am a criminal justice major...and I believe in the system, and the people who are there deserve to be.
Cheers

-mb

Interesting read if you have the time

http://www.monthlyreview.org/0701day.htm

I'm sick, can't go to class... so I'm browsing the internet instead of doing homework like I should.

ew. don't miss Nick.

If I were you, I'd have told Courtney you were worried about her too, and made her feel like a bitch.

Doing a shit ton of laundry today... fun fun. Life = not exciting.

Courtney, of course.

This is going to sound crazy, but I went back and read through our first posts on here, and lately I've been missing Nick.
I know.
Blllaha.

Going back a couple posts, Who said they were "worried about you." ??


Can't wait for break. bleh.

I want to blog about last nights events. Mostly I just want to tell someone female without having to hear about how I'm such a slut. Because I'm not a slut, but I can't tell Courtney or Christy because they get all judgey and that just annoys me.
So, last night around sevenish Justen calls me and asks how viewing the townhouse went, and if I asked this and that question, yadda yadda yadda, and he mentions he wants to try this new bar, which I forget the name of now. I was like, if you decide to go shoot me a text, but do it about an hour and a half earlier than when you want to leave so I can start getting ready. Around eight he texts saying lets go, it's just gonna be me and him tonight unless I want to invite someone, which I didn't.
We met up in the commuter parking lot at 9:30, I was late of course because I couldn't find my keys is as per usual for me. I need to just clip them to my zipper or something, I lose them about eight times a day.
So we drive down having a nice conversation about whatever, probably shit talking because we do that a lot. We get to this bar which is very cute, its modern and chic, definitely my favorite one we've been in. I assume this is another gay bar and settle myself into a chair at the bar and order and amaretto sour, which was delicious. There is a brunette sitting next to me, and next to her is the really...really hot guy, a blond, with sexy hands. Justen says hes gay, and I believe him.
Its about this time Justen and I notice on the board that their Thursday special is $5 long islands, which is not necessarily a deal until we notice they're putting them in glasses as long as my forearm and twice as thick. So he goes up to sing, and I order us a round. This is the turning point in our night, because those drinks were strong as fuck, but delicious. Justen sings Elton, I "Woooo!" really loud. The brunette next to me strikes up a conversation and helps me pick out a song to karaoke, (Abba's Dancing Queen) and introduces us to her friend Mike, the hot blond guy. Justen and I make a bet on whether he's straight or gay. Its a toss up, he knows the words to Elton John, but he dances terribly. The brunette (she told me her name but I don't remember it anymore) gets up and Mike slides over into her chair next to me. I get up and sing, and at this point I'm drunk. I dance around the bar like an idiot and sing the song I'm sure horribly though Justen, Mike, and the brunette all swear is good and that I was adorable.
I run to the bathroom and become instant best friends with Ashley, who was coming out. We hugged. I love being drunk.
While I'm gone Justen finds out Mike is straight...but has a girlfriend. Aw. Well that's that, right? Wrong. Mike notices my drink is almost empty and buys my next one. He then orders a margarita, which was just straight up tequila. He hands it to me and tells me to take a drink, so I did. Yuck. But I did enjoy the drink he bought me...because it was free and I love anyone who buys me alcohol when I'm drunk, especially when they're hot. I don't remember everything at this point, but I do remember him leaning over and asking me if I can keep a secret. I giggle and say I'm good at keeping secrets (such a lie), and he tells me he thinks I'm beautiful and how do I get my hair so shiny. Like a total bitch I say "Um, I wash it." So untrue, I work hard to make my hair all swishy and shiny. It was natural last night, just kind wavy, but people were all over it, so points for him.
Justen and I duet Journeys "Faithfully" and Mike sings a song too, although I forget now. He comes back over and asks for my number, but I'm so far gone typing is hard, so he takes my phone and calls himself and then stores his number/name in my phone, tells me to wait 30 seconds so he can say goodbye to the brunette (who I found out from Justen this morning is best friends with his girlfriend), so I walked outside and struck up a conversation a gay man who was totally sweet. Mike calls and asks where I am. I giggle and say outside. He tells me to come out back. So I do. We then proceed to hardcore make out. He was...such...a good kisser, no sarcasm. And when I say make out I mean I walked outside and he was standing on the deck looking amazing, and he started to say something and I just cut him off, and then he had me pushed up against a deck. It was hot. Men like that should always be single.
I won't mention everything else that happened, but I will say I did not have sex with him...but I would have if he had been able to. This is my pattern, serious relationship, one night stand, serious relationship. Justen calls me like eight times while this is going on, and I decide, instead of turning off my phone, to just drop it off the edge. Mike, being a gentleman, went and got it for me. Maybe he was concerned when I just started climbing over the railing. Who knows?
Anyway, we do a lot more kissing before I finally say I should probably go, and he asks if he can call me tomorrow. I say yes. I also tell him that he is not going to marry the girl he is with. If you're making out with cute red heads in bars you are not committed to the girl you're with. Just sayin.
Justen and I drive home, and by the grace of God don't get pulled over or kill ourselves. I apparently said several times, "Justen you are in two lanes." We went through a McDonalds drive through and screamed loudly like we were at a rock concert. They gave us the food for free. Gotta try that in regular life.
I drove home to my house, and couldn't get in the front door, so I decided to sleep in the back yard. Which is what I did until my mom realized I was out there at like, five a.m. and sent Colbie out after me. She ate my hamburger. Bad dog.
Somewhere in there I called Brandon, Brian (uuuuuggggghhhhh), and David. David says I was hilarious. Brandon said I was a mess. Brian didn't answer thank GOD. I hid his number so that can never happen again.
I woke up this morning to about a million text messages. Mike asked if we were still on for today. Um what?! Its one thing when I'm drunk...I sent back today wasn't good for me, that I needed to go running. Which I'm going to do when I'm finished typing this. I know, I know. I have no balls.
Oh well.
Anyway, that was my night. All in all it seems like a win. Don't be hatin. Come to the STL and I'll get you really drunk.

-mb

Can I start this blog off by saying that my hair looks really awesome today? It took forever, totally worth it.
I'm really frustrated today, mostly with myself and I'm not sure why. I keep reminding myself that I am only one person and can only accomplish so much, but trying to cut myself some slack has just not been working out at all. I'm sure the problem is I'm really tired, I've been up working on school crap, projects due, tests all in a row, I'll never get why my professors feel the need to schedule all of this stuff right on top of each other, but it's midterm week, and I know I haven't been working hard enough in my literary class, and I'm trying to make up for it with all this studying. I haven't finished all of my required reading for the midterm, so I'm trying to do that too...It's my fault, I procrastinate and put everything off until its ontop of me and then freak out. It doesn't help that my "fall break" is two days, Monday and Tuesday of next week. Um, hey SLU, that's not a "break", that's a weekend. Thanksgiving break is the same way. I guess I should get used to having no time off, law school isn't going to be any better.
Plus, all this boy drama is stressing me. David Brandon blah blah blah. It feels like every time I decide I'm really going to commit to this single thing someone else pops up and I get all caught up in it. Did I learn nothing from Brian? The last thing I need is a guy, they're too much work and I just don't have time to love somebody like that. David wouldn't be so awful since he's far away so it's less work on my end during the week, but he's gonna want me to come down and vice versa, and on my weekends I need to be working, sleeping, studying, or drinking so much I forget about the first three. Besides, when graduates this year he'll be home, and next year I will have even less time to focus on him because it will be (god willing) my last year of ungrad school, and I need to keep my grades up, and once again a boyfriend gets in the way of that.
I'm also worried, because this feels like some kind of transitioning period in our lives where suddenly even guys are starting to look for something more substantial. I feel like the last one to mature, I know I'm not the only one who doesn't want marriage, but it seems like everyone around me does, and it makes me really uncomfortable. I've always been bad with commitment, that's no secret, anyone who knows me well is aware of this, but what if I start something with someone like David, for example, who has liked me for 4 years, and he wants to get married. I have always kind of thought after law school I'd get myself all settled, maybe buy a house, some really expensive suits/shoes, a new car, do me for a year, and then think about really settling down. There are just some boys you don't mess around with, and David is one of them. Brian was.
I think I'm trying to talk myself out of liking David, and not gonna lie, I'm doing a pretty good job. I like guys like Brian because they literally have nothing going on. They are not long term material. He was 24, not in school, living with his mom, I mean...perfect. He's not gonna get his shit together for a while, and by then I would have been long gone. David has his own place, about to graduate ahhhh stop thinking about it!
I've been stressed...so I've been shopping. Lots of cute shoes...same problems.
Lately I've been partying really hard, and I don't mind at all. People are so judgey, what ever. It's not like I'm going out sleeping with people, I'm getting dressed up and drinking with friends, but twice I've heard "I'm worried about you."
Bitch my grades are better than yours, so worry about yourself, mmkay? But it's probably contributing to my exhaustion. Whatever. I'm young, I'm cute, and can walk in heels, what do you want from me?
I'm thinking maybe I can't have relationships
Because lately they're not making any sense
And baby you're the one thing on my mind
But that could change any time

^^ that sums my whole life up right about now. Only, when you say/sing it, I need a drink in my hand.

Anyway, I want to end this with a message I sent to Herr Kirby on facebook. I
m pretty pleased with how I worded it, I'm not the best expressing feelings.

While I'm here I just want to say real quick that this spring I'll be taking my LSAT's, and applying to law school. It's been a really rough road because you can't really skate by with a smart mouth and natural talent, it's been a lot of hard work.
When I was in high school I only took two teachers twice, and that was you and Mr. Rose, and I took everything you both said to me to heart, and I really mean that. You both were really fantastic teachers, I always felt like my life mattered to you, and even though this sounds kind of corny, I still remember things you both said to me. I honestly don't think I ever would have worked as hard as I have been to do this if I hadn't had teachers like you both. I wish I could do something more than just say thank you, but right now this is the best I've got.
I know I will remember you and him forever, and I hope if I ever have kids (far, far off) that they have teachers like you both, because, out of all the teachers I had/have, it makes me a little sad that only two are memorable in a really distinct way.
Anyway, I've always wanted to say this.
Thank you, again!
-Martina

-mb

Justen and I are actually pretty close, but I get what you're driving out. call her out. Just call her out, say, "so i heard something interesting," and dont let her talk her way out of it. just say you dont understand why shes saying/doing that and you want to know why.
thats what i would do.

hurry up.

-mb

It's just.... a friend of mine who apparently lies through her teeth. I mean, she says some unbelievable stuff sometimes, that I don't necessarily believe, but it's just like that one person in the group that--- it's like Justen Espy. You know he's full of shit, but you let it go because it doesn't really matter. But then, imagine if you and Justen were a bit better friends and you found out that you really barely know him at all, and that most of what you know of him isn't true at all.

How do you even ~begin~ to approach that situation? I mean, I can't just show up at her door and curse her out like a fucking crazy person... though... I kind of want to. lol.

Should I just let it go?

kaaaaayyyy....maybe...elaborate a bit on the situation...because now i want to know who/what/when...

drama down here too, but i am handing it like a champ.

I really, really hate being lied to... consistently.... for no apparent reason at all.

I really

really

do.

Because when someone close to me, whom I trust deeply, lies to me, without a damn good reason (like, say, to save my life...or theirs... or... well saving anyone's life is acceptable.) I don't really know how to handle it. I'm hurt. I'm confused. And it's not like it's the first time. or the second. or even probably the third, if we're being honest about it. Another thing that bothers me about it? If the shoe were on the other foot (It wouldn't be, though, because I wouldn't have been given so many second chances), this would already be way out of hand.

I need a bit to think about how to even begin to handle this situation, because I'm tired of just... letting it go and pretending like it's not happening, or that I don't know... etc.


I'll write more later or something... idk right now.

Day 10

meh. not doing day 10, it's dumb.

Not looking forward to the week... Wednesday is my vocal midterm... which I'm never ready for... not a single semester in history have I been ready for it... but it seems to turn out just fine, so whatevs. *sigh*

It would have counted if I had completed any of those classes, but I dropped out in October, so no. They don't. So suck it.
Spending a lot of time talking to David again. Seeing things in a new light, like maybe I should have dated him four years ago, but then I would be bored right now. I dunno. Every time I decide to be single some dude wanders into my life and wants a slice of my time.
My birthday is monday.

Day 9

Something I'm really proud of? Idk.... I got A's on all 3 midterms? I guess I'm proud of that.

Not that I'm trying to be a ... something (bitch? idk) ... but doesn't your semester at MSU count into your gpa? or are you just counting your SLU gpa? just wondering.

Might join the Peace Corps. when I'm outa here. Graduating in August because I don't want to take 17 credit hours next semester so I'm going to take Stat in the summer.

Trying to get the funds together to study abroad this summer again. Not in Ireland though. There's a program in Finland and Estonia between finals and the start of summer school. Pretty exciting. Trying to buff up my resume, so when I try to get a job teaching English abroad, I don't have to work in a straw hut. Not that I would mind, really.

William wants to be a professor at a University overseas, so that works out pretty well. That's actually why I'm considering giving two years of my life to the peace corps so I have something to do while he's going to grad school.

time for studio. I'll right more later.

ALSO, my senior recital is February 13 at 4pm. You better be there, bitch.

I'm not really playing anymore, which is pretty much obvious. I meant to, and then, like always, life got in the way. I've been busy trying to maintain a perfect gpa in college, and practicing my LSATs, because I am determined to score somewhere between 160-170. Obviously I'd like a 180, but you can only make two or so mistakes to still get a perfect score, and I'm still really bad at working through arguments. I always get in between two, and half the time I pick the wrong one. It's...it's special. I figure if I can maintain my gpa and score between a 160-170 I can go just about anywhere I want (not yale, but whatever), and I'd like to go to Rutgers.
I'm frustrated with the boy I've been seeing, but I don't really want to talk about that right now.
Columbia has been fun.

-mb

Day Ate.

Short term goals for this month and why...

1. Go to "For the Fun of it" (a costume shop in town). Why? Because I want to.
2. Get shtuff memorytized for muzik lesuhns n yea...
3. ... no, I think that's it.

Day Sheven

I'm getting annoyed by the picture days... *sigh*

So... yeah. That's William (and myself) shaving our heads for cancer. see more info at Stbaldricks.com or .org... I don't remember. Anyway, I decided this best depicted his awesomeness, because when I said I wanted to do this, he immediately supported ~and~ joined me. How many guys say, "That's great!" when their girlfriend says she wants to be bald. Not. Many. ...we learned that much from Friends, right? :D (Ross' bald gf...lol.)

Day 6

Favorite Supre Hero and why? uhg. Well... I don't like Batman, because he doesn't have any real powers, he just... was born into a bunch of money and bought some cool shit. I don't like SuperMan because he's always discovering new powers right when he needs them, and it's really annoying PLUS he's not technically human, so... I mean... if he counts as a super hero, then so does The Doctor... and I would toooootally choose The Doctor, if I thought that counted. I don't like any female heroines I can think of, because they always dress like sluts and have breasts too large for a normal person to function with. I guess Green Lantern and Spiderman are pretty cool.

Yeah, I'll go with Spiderman, because Peter Parker is such a lovable character. He's this poor nerd, who becomes awesome and instead of going to the people who pick on him and being like, "Hey! Fuck you man! Bet you regret all those nasty things you said to me now, dontcha?" he took the high road and just tried to help people. It's great.

Allison posted a Vlog...kinda makes me wish I was cool enough to have a Vlog. I feel like it'd be really boring if I made one though. *shrug* who knows.

Minecraft. Play. it.

Day Five

Ireland. Summer of 2008. It was A-mazing!

Day Fourz

So, I'll probably forget, and Im a day behind anyway, and I've never been one for following the rules, so here's another day. I'm also gonna add the part of day one that I didn't do... if you're wondering, yes, I also do my homework in this crazy senseless way, and I get Bs in easy classes because of it, but y'know... I don't really care. I have a good gpa and that's all anyone's gonna look at.

Habit I wish I didn't have? --- I'm just gonna say it, even though I've been hiding it for years. Enough people know now, and I stopped giving a shit if people think I'm creepy, because if that's the case, they're stupid bitches. I mean, honestly. So, I pull my eyelashes out. It's a mild type of OCD, and I've met one other person (Bonnie <3) who does it, and that's what gave me the strength to start admitting that I do it, because I really look up to Bonnie, and when she told me about that, I was really jealous of how ok she was with it. I think I was just always really embarrassed because of the way people treated that girl in high school who pulled out her hair. I mean, I don't eat mine like she does, but I'm sure she can't help it anymore than I can. It's more than something like biting your nails. Biting your nails is a habit, and when someone pulls your hand away from your mouth it's like, "Oh yeah, I shouldn't do that." but when, for instance, William pulls my hand away from my eye... it's like... it's hard to explain, but I go crazy, and it's all I can think about. Which is why it's actually an OC and not really a habit per say.

So I'll count that as one of the 15 things and move on to number 2.

2. I hate wet paper. It freaks me out. especially wet paper, cardboard, cloth... anything particularly dry, being in my mouth, or seeing it in someone elses. Like when people chew on the collar of their shirt. If I do come in contact/see wet paper, I lick my lips like crazy.

3. I always do things to the left of me...if not right in front of me. I can't do things (like eat, write, etc.) if it's to my right, which I don't think has anything to do with my handedness, just... I like facing to my left, and I feel mildly uncomfortable facing to the right... not so much that I can't face the right, just that I will make every effort not to.

4. I live with my boyfriend, William, if you didn't already know. We've been dating for 2 1/2 years.

5. I ~will~ live in another country for at least a year. I have several versions of my life plan, all of which (even my back up) include a significant time abroad.

6. I would change my major if I thought I could stand/afford to stay here for a few more years. I love my lessons and my studio teacher, but most of the rest of it makes me hate my life.

7.I HATE clique-y-ness! ugh. It's really high school, and I absolutely hate it. Especially since I always try to be good friends with everyone which usually results in me just being an outsider to several cliques. I'm not talking about circles of friends, because those are just natural. I'm talking about things like in the music dept, and even in rpg club, where a particular group of people are seen as, not necessarily "elite," but... exclusive to themselves. You can't join unless you have an "in"... meaning you start dating someone in the group, or become very close to a key member. People just need to get the hell over themselves.

8. I am over myself. I realize how insignificant I am to the universe, and I don't think I'm entitled to a damn thing, except to make my own choices, and live with them.

9. I feel like my bitchy high school self is resurfacing. I'm sure MaryB is glad. I can't wait to put someone in their place again. I mean, that was like my job back then. People would get all high on themselves, and I would promptly shove them off their pedestal and remind them that no one gives a shit.

10. I get very sick of people sometimes--no... often. I'm not, like, bitter or anything, and I'm sure I sound super cynical (it does start with the same three letters as Cynthia...) but really I'm just... I'm over it. I'm done giving people the benefit of the doubt. It is what it is, it is like it seems. It kind of goes with MaryB's last real post. If a guy starts talking about sex on the first date, it means one of his top priorities is making sure he's gonna get laid. If you're not ok with that... gtfo. Don't be stupid. It's like people purposefully blind themselves to things because they don't want to admit that it really just is that bad.

11. I play WoW. It's about as addictive as the Sims, and for very similar reasons. For those who haven't played it... it's like The Sims, for fantasy fans (esp. LotR) but multiplayer. It's like what The Sims Online wished it was. The differences are that you don't play a family, you play one character (though, you can have more than one, you just can't play more than one at once). The goals of the game are more interesting (You're saving the world, not paying your bills). The world is more elaborate, and it's like playing the life you wish you could have, where fairytales and mythical creatures are real, and you go on adventures and fight bad guys with your friends. You can be a loner if you want, but it's not fun for me that way. I like the interaction with other people.

12. I think society is a bitch. There's all this pressure and bullshit that keeps people from legitimately trying things because it's "weird" or "nerdy"... and now some "nerdy" things are cool, but others aren't. It's annoying. I've tried so many awesome things in college since I got away from high school's stupid bullshit. There's still people who don't though and it's... I don't know. I hate when I hear people talk about the "HvZ freaks." Fuck you. Have you played it? no. They are having fun, and no one's making you join in, so just... just GET OVER YOURSELF. You are not better than someone because you are too "mature" to play with nerf guns. I'm sorry that you've grown out of having fun and being active... please, go back to productive things like beer pong. (I'm not dissing Beer Pong. It's quite entertaining/fun, but it's "cool" so it's ok if we drink out of cups after a ball (that's been rolling on the floor where drunk people vomit) was thrown in it. To me, that's way weirder than shooting people with nerf guns)

13. I wish I took more pictures. I know I'm going to look back on college and think, "I really wish I had more pictures."

14. I put salt on everything that isn't sweet, and I put honey on everything that is. This is a fact. Ok... except Ramen Noodles because they come with a seasoned salt packet.

15. I need to graduate. I don't want to leave here, but I'm so apathetic about classes this year. It's ridiculous. I've just clocked out I guess.

That was a hard list to think of. Glad I'm done. On to more productive things--nah... on to WoW.

Day Three... for realz?

MaryB didn't jump on it, so I'm doing it. except... the post pic button is missing...wha!?

Edit: I found it!

This is a picture of myself, MaryB, and Meggie... who is awesome like us. We went to some kville bars in wigs to be cool, pretending like different people, which... didn't work so well for me since people knew who I was. Definitely want to try again in St. L sometime. I love real life acting, it's exciting being someone else for a night.

Day Three... not

Since I took up day 2, and MB can't really say anything more than that, I'm gonna let her take up day 3, so long as I am also in said picture. lol.

Day two (delayed)

So... I slacked on that pretty quickly, and I forgot the 15 facts part but... well, oh well.

Reason behind the name: Caligynophobia is the fear of pretty women, so there you go. Also, Marybeth spelled it wrong.

Huh

So recently I discovered something about myself that is surprising and possibly disturbing.
Let me start at the beginning. My friend Amanda, from MO state is always asking me for man advice and what to do when he does this, what it means when he says that, and I always respond, and she is satisfied and stops texting, and life continues on. I've never thought anything of this, it's been going on for a while, lets face it, I have been on a lot of dates with just about every imaginable type of guy on the planet, but I only seriously date 1% of said people. Now, obviously you can't be in a serious relationship with every person you have a first date with, because that would mean you have no standards, and God help me, I have standards. Ridiculous standards sometimes, which obviously don't help me in any way because all the guys I date have issues. But that's a rant for a different blog.
Anyway, along with my first date skills I happen to be pretty good and dissecting someone based on what they're wearing, how they talk, their shoes, cars, etc, because everything you have on and own says something about you and how you see yourself. It's called profiling and its why I pay 30 grand a year to go to SLU. These two skills are immensely useful because they pretty much eliminate any need to go on several weeks worth of dates trying to figure out if this boy is a keeper.
I don't want to discuss my exes, because most of them are still decent people who treated me exceptionally well, and continue to do so, and on our first dates were nothing but nice and gentlemen. Even Nick. Nick may have taken me on the best first date I've ever been on.
There are things men do that seem like they should be huge red flags right away, that will tell you whether to waste your time or if you should hug him goodbye and then delete his number from your phone the minute you get in your car. I just want to outline some of the obvious ones, and before you make some dumbass comment Cindy, I want to point out 98% of girls, even smart ones, are not aware of this stuff. I don't know what is says about women as a whole and our need to be with someone, I'm not talking about that.
The first thing I want to say is, if you are on a date with a man and he starts making suggestive jokes, or outright talking about sex, your sexual history, his sexual history, asking if it's true red heads are better in bed, etc. you need to be done right away. Every guy I have dated seriously has never asked me anything, they think about it quietly in their head, and we figure it out later when we're naked. My point here is that all men want to have sex with you pretty much the minute they see you and find you attractive. The difference is nice guys will keep those thoughts to themselves and assholes want to know right away if they're going to get laid anytime soon. A lot of girls I talk to don't realize this, or willing to look past it, but I think this is the worst offense a guy can make.
Talking about exes is also unacceptable to me. It's not as bad as asking me how many people I've slept with (yes that has happened), but it's right under it. Everyone has exes, and I assume someday I will find out about one of them, but a first date is not the time for that. Don't tell them about them either. Boys always ask what the longest relationship I've been in, what he was like, etc etc, and I just don't think this is acceptable first date conversation. My exes are exes for a reason, you bringing them up causes me to assume you're not over one of them. I don't care if she cheated on you, if you were engaged. Just like women shouldn't bring it up, men shouldn't either. If the guy you're out with is taking about his ex, excuse yourself to the bathroom and promptly walk out.
Long term plans. Hear me out on this one, because every girl I talk to gets way too excited about this. Maybe it's my fear of commitment talking here, but the second a boy brings up what he wants to do together past our second date, and he's not standing at my car saying goodbye, I automatically freak out. Girls think its a good sign he wants to take you to the lake in two months, but I think its a red flag. You don't really know this person and they are already planning a future with you. Slow down. Half the fun of a relationship is getting to know someone, so why rush it?
Asking if you have tattoos/piercings. This takes me back to sex. Tattoos are a little more acceptable, in the correct situation, like if it is visible and he asks politely about it, and you have a nice dialogue about it. Suggestively asking me if I have a piercing makes me assume you are imagining me naked in your head and causes me to immediately regret whatever shirt I put on. It's all about respect, and too often as girls we overlook things like this because we hate being alone.
Lastly, the question, "So do you have any questions for me/anything you want to know about me?" If I had questions or wanted to know things about you, I would ask. I never know how to respond to this question politely. I have never asked any guy this question because I assume anything he wants to know he'll ask me, everything else you learn over time. It's all in the fun of getting to know someone. Putting me on the spot makes me think you want me to ask you something specific, especially when you ask it two or three times. No, I don't. Conversation should just happen, and if you're with a good guy this question never has to come up because you are too busy laughing/talking about whatever going on. Nothing should be forced.
It's not hard to see why most guys are single half the time, and I often wonder what kind of girls have dated this guys before because some of them are just..awful.

The most important thing in dating is you have to know yourself, and you can't be willing to compromise that. Too many people sacrifice what they want and who they are to have someone else in their life. I'm not saying that if you think you want a six foot, black haired, blue eyed firefighter, but you mean a blond with brown eyes who does finance and he's great that you should send him on his way. I'm saying that you should not compromise because you don't want to be alone. If I've learned one thing from all my heartbreak, it's that when said heartbreak has been happening I always think I'll never find anyone better, and when I look back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out, and you will be too. The most important thing is to respect yourself, and everything else just kind of falls into place. You'll meet people and sometimes it will work out, and sometimes it won't.

Hope this is insightful and doesn't sound stupid.

-mb

what is this?

am I supposed to be participating in this?

It's my profile picture, so it's kind of recent.
Fifteen interesting facts about me. Fuck.
1. I am not a natural red head, but no one seems to know this. Even when I whip out pictures, people never catch on.
2. I sometimes pretend I am living in a musical while driving around in my car
3. I can't stand when boys I don't know try to be flirty/sexual with me. It's not attractive, it makes you looks sleazy.
4. I still watch the disney channel.
5. I'm obsessed with the idea of having perfect hair
6. I still write in my diary
7. I fall in love pretty easy once I'm with someone I really like
8. So, I get my heart broken pretty easy too, though I pretend like I'm fine
9. I want to get a line from a Robert Frost poem tattooed on my rib cage.
10. I miss being in high school
11. I can make friends with anyone
12. I like to run in the park
13. My favorite number is 4
14. I hate my teeth
15. I know way to much about serial killers

Okay. Tell me if I did it right, kay bye!

-mb

Dia Uno

So to make this picture perfectly random, I picked a number (1-total # of pics on my fb page) 127... of course... and that's the picture I used.

I could've been more random and used a random # generator... but... oh well.

So this pic is from last summer at the NEMO fair. Marybeth was getting all sick and whatnot from the spinning rides, and this picture was taken by her, on the ride just before we started moving. I continued to eat that popcorn for the duration of the ride to basically tease her. She was about to vomit, whilest my "stomach of steel" remained uneffected. It was a very fun day :)

Everyone is engaged! Stop it you!

Bunch of people doing this, I'll go ahead and jump on.

Day 01 - A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02 - The meaning behind your "Blogspot" name
Day 03 - A picture of you and your friends
Day 04 - A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06 - Favorite super hero and why
Day 07 - A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08 - Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09 - Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11 - Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12 - How you found out about "blogspot" and why you made one
Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14 - A picture of you and your family
Day 15 - Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16 - Another picture of yourself
Day 17 - Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18 - Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19 - Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20 - Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22 - What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23 - Something you crave for a lot
Day 24 - A letter to your parents
Day 25 - What I would find in your bag
Day 26 - What you think about your friends
Day 27 - Why you are doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29 - In this past month, what have you learned?
Day 30 - Who are you?

wtf, Life?

I don't want to write an emo "blah blah, my life sucks" blog, because my life doesn't suck. I'm just pissed off at everything lately. Maybe it's the hormone pills, or maybe things really are that aggravating. Regardless, I'm going to write a blog to remind myself of all the reasons I have to STFU and get over it.

Friends
I have wonderful friends, some of the best in the world I'm sure. They told us in high school that when we went to college, we'd lose touch with people from high school, but you (almost) never lose touch with people from college. I can say that I'm pretty sure that's accurate (if I'm allowed to count Marybeth as both a high school and college friend... they never said it had to be people who went to your college.) I never want to let go of these people, and I never will. No matter what happens, I know that there's always going to be someone who has my back, and supports me 100%. There'll always be someone to drive me home in a storm, because they know I'm freaked out by lightning, and someone who will call me at 11pm to make sure I'm not alone hiding in the bathroom where there are no windows.

Living
I have access to enough food, and sleep, and education, and clean water, and heat/AC, and comfort, etc. I know I'm not the only one who takes these things for granted. (on a tangent now...) I HAAAATE when Americans act like we shouldn't do everything in our power to give these things to everyone on earth! What the FUCK did you do to earn your right to receive all the great things this country has to offer? You were born here. That's it. You were lucky as shit, and you were born as the descendant of someone who worked their ass off to get here (or went through extreme mistreatment to stay--in the case of Natives). YOU did NOT work YOUR ass off to get here. You probably do very little to deserve it either. I wish everyone would just adapt the mindset of living with a little less, so someone can live with a little more. (if you're wonder what I'm giving... other than donating to all those coin collection thingies, and always checking the "I'd like to donate an extra dollar to..." box on receipts and bills and whatnot... when I graduate (someday. lol.) I am doing one of two things. I'm going to teach English in another country (developing country, most likely) or I'm going to join the Peace Corps.)

William
Yeah... he gets his own segment. They tell you to marry your best friend, and hopefully I'm on the right track to doing so. I've never felt so comfortable and open with another human being (Have to specify species because I tell my dog everything. lol.) I can truly, and totally be myself with William, and I know that what I'm doing or saying might annoy him, but he's going to smile and love me regardless.

My Health
It isn't perfect, but I'm not dying. That's something to be grateful for.

Myself
Everyday I feel more and more aware of and comfortable with who I am, what I stand for, and what I believe. I respect myself, and mostly enjoy who I am, and who I'm becoming. I can look at myself in the mirror, and feel like I'm perfectly honest with myself. Who I see is who I am. (k... now I've got that Mulan song stuck in my head...)

Music
mmmmm....music. It's good.

I should feel pretty good right about now. I guess I feel ok. Fuck my stupid emotions. I'm officially blaming the meds. lol.

Life Advice from Marybeth: Because I Was There Once, and My Advice is Sage and Wise. Also I Curse A Lot. (I think thats a pretty good slogan!)

Okay, now, I have learned some things about dudes in my time living with a dude, and I have some things I would like to share with you. Feel free to ignore me and make your own mistakes, but don't get mad when I point, laugh, and say I TOLD YOU SO.

If she calls him, ignore it and just hope he tells you. Boys are not that bright, so if they're telling you about another girl, it's because she's no big deal. I can't remember if you said you noticed it, or if he told you, but right now I really don't think she's a big deal, even if he did give her his number, IF he was the one who told you. If you confronted him about it, and then he was like....oh...yeah...her, then I'd be mildly concerned, I mean, she's obviously still not a threat because you live with him and what not, but it wouldn't hurt to facebook stalk the crap out of her. If he keeps talking to her behind your back then you have a serious problem. Nick used to pull that shit, and it gets old fast. I understand that he's probably nervous and feeling cornered with the whole marriage thing, which brings me into point number two.
As girls, we want to get married, and we want it asap (minus me, I don't want to get married asap), but boys are a special breed of idiot, where, even if it was their damn idea, will immediately freak out and make you feel like crap while they try and make a decision. I hate to use Nick as a reference because no guy wants to be compared to such a pile of shit, but he was like that. He'd make decisions, and then make me feel like shit when he had moments of doubts.
Seriously, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I would not be comfortable at all if whoever I was with was going back and forth about getting married. Maybe you should just stop talking about it and let him ask you in a spontaneous way. That way he can reconcile with the whole marriage thing on his own terms without feeling like he's being pressured into it? I'm not saying you're doing that, I'm just saying he probably has moments where he feels like that.

I dunno, but I'm really glad that part of my life is over. I'm not saying our situations were similar, but I'm very happy now. Brian told me last night sometimes he feels like him and I are a dream, that made me smile.

-mb

So you know all of those work-from-home scams? Well, I found one that might not be a scam. I mean, I have SCOURED the internet for dirt on this company and I have found....nothing. Nothing but good reviews that is. I'm only half considering it, but I thought I'd share the info.

http://store.workathometruth.com/the-video-presentation.php

also, http://www.workathometruth.com/blog/ is great at pointing out a bunch of scams, but I usually just assume things are a scam, without anyone needing to tell me they are.

While I'm talking about scams, fashionbay.com is a huge scam... but also very profitable if you like taking advantage of people and you are intelligent. It's an auction site for anything from purses to prepaid visa cards. These things go for dirt cheap, i.e. $100 card going for $3. Of course there's a catch, if you didn't think there would be a catch, you are not intelligent enough to take advantage of this site, but I highly recommend you go there and make it easier for everyone else. The catch is you can only raise the bid by $0.01 at a time. Not a big catch right? wrong. Because every bid costs you $0.89. So, you could end up spending more on bidding than the item is worth. The way to take advantage of this (I have done this, and can promise you, it works if you are veeeery patient) is to observe several auctions, and what the final bid is. You can do this by scrolling down to the bottom of the page and looking at the "Recently completed auctions." Find something comparable to the item you want, and notice what the price was. If you're going to bid on anything, do not place a single bid until it reaches that price. It is true that auctions will end before you ever bid, but you will avoid making huge mistakes this way. Say, for instance, you're bidding on $100 card, and the last auction for a $100 went for $4.00 (as you can see this company makes a friggin fortune.) when the price reaches $4.00 start bidding. Set an amount for yourself ahead of time, i.e. $25, that you're willing to lose to try and get the $100. everytime the auction timer hits 1 sec, if someone bids, it adds 15 sec back on the clock.
Most people will wait for that timer to hit 1 sec, and then bid. You start by doing that. after a few bids, it will likely be only you and one other person (if anyone) bidding back and forth. At that point, you should start bidding immediately after they bid. This plays a psychological game with the other bidder that says, "bitch, I am not backing down" and they will 9/10 times back out and let you when rather quickly.

Some of the auctions are for more bids. If you're going to keep doing this, it's not a bad idea, but... overall you're not getting much out of it, and the risk of losing is less worth it.

Also, make sure your first win is in a beginner auction, because after that, you are no longer allowed to bid in beginner auctions. Plus, the people bidding in those have no idea what the fuck they're doing.

Ok, so... now that our blog looks like an ad scam... on to things more real life-y.

William and I agreed to get engaged at the end of the school year.... last night we had a conversation and he sounded really unsure about that decision. I mean... fucking make up your mind here. Do not waste my time. I was thinking on the way back from the store today how mad at myself I would be if William and I broke up shortly after college. I mean, all this time I could be trying to meet my soulmate, but here I am thinking I have him, right? It's not fair to me.

I'm really frustrated about this. He keeps going back and forth! One day we're talking about wedding ideas, and the next he's telling me that "engagement just seems like such a big step, and I just don't know if I'm ready."

Also, a girl asked him for his phone number on facebook the other day. They were talking back and forth and then she was like, "blah blah blah, coolness. What's ur #?" I know this because he told me, and added "Here I thought we were just talking, and now I'm like 'what is this conversation escalating to?' ". I told him she probably wanted to text him, and that he should just tell her he doesn't text and that their convo would have to stay on facebook. You know what he did? He gave her his gd phone number.

I asked if she was cute and he said, "She's fairly attractive. I mean, she's not super attractive, but... she's attractive."

If she calls, I'm answering his phone and working in that I'm his live-in girlfriend somehow.



I'm a bitch.

I finally know what I'm doing post grad. lol.

I'm taking a certification course next summer with http://www.oxfordseminars.com/index.php and then I'm shipping off for a year, maybe two... who knows. I'm excited about it though.

Soooo...Herr Kirby is on facebook, his posts crack me up, plus he's been messaging me, he's really interesting! It's interesting to get to know your teachers, I like it. His bbq is this Saturday, I forgot to ask off but I have the day off anyway, so it all worked out! Finan is going with me so I don't feel strange, the only other people I know who are going from my graduating class are Kelly Storm and Antonia, and Antonia and I never really got along although that was like...highschoolever ago.

So...I got my tattoo. It didn't hurt as bad as I thought, but still hurt, like having a sunburn and then rubbing the sunburn against the carpet, but I was all worked up so when I finally felt it it was almost a relief. When he was going further up my shoulder it hurt more than at the top then the bottom, and of course he started there, but all in all it wasn't too bad. Only took like, ten minutes tops.
I kind of want another one, but I have no idea what.
Brian was pretty jealous, I think he'll get his really soon. He's in KC right now, probably really drunk. I kind of miss him. :(

-mb

Leaving for Florida from Des Moines in an hour or two. Pretty excited. William's family is great.

Saks Fifth Avenue has a new fragrance called LaMer. LOL!!! Lamer? really? Who let that name off the marketing table?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQ4j-MBnLQo

This video is so fucking retarded. You should watch it.

$3000!?!? fuck. I'd be happy if someone gave me enough to pay rent for a month, much less 3 grand.

you should do my 45 minute workout which is basically 45 minutes of squats, lunges, planks, and weights. All my least favorite things, but I'm kind of buff, so thats good, even if I'm in a near constant state of pain. Gives me a reason to let the boyfriend massage my feet.
So...I called my Grandma Linda because she told me to...she's gifting me 3000 dollars.
I am not shitting you. It's a gift. WHO HAS 3000 DOLLARS LYING AROUND THAT THEY CAN JUST GIVE AT RANDOM!?
Apparently they do. I about died, I was like, "omg thank you!" I'm very excited.

So...ive got some cash, and my arms hurt, life is pretty good.

My inactiveness is officially a health concern...

So, you wanna know what's kind of scary? Losing feeling in your right hand...for days. My right hand has been half asleep for days. And apparently it is because of low circulation (I thought it was nerve damage from something, but apparently that involves swelling, which I don't have) and that's the same reason I have painful, big veins on my upper legs... which I just thought was because I'm like... prematurely old or something, but no... just lazy. So now I get to do a bunch of goofy shit everyday to increase blood flow to my extremities. Like elevating my legs when I'm laying down (ok, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that sound like it would ~decrease~ blood flow? Maybe I'm just stupid. lol.) and doing hand exercise-y things, and walking more... and I'm supposed to be eating healthier to, but if you looked in my wallet, you'd know that wasn't going to happen. lol.

I'm so irresponsible... @.@

I'm really jealous that William doesn't have a job or class, while I have to go to both... every day but Saturday...

ugh.

It sucks.

I don't know... I should probably be studying...choa!

STRESS!

I hate money. I hate money so much. I. am. fucked.

ugh.

Also, I'm supposed to take this test but basically, I can't...but I have to...and I still can't so... I'm fucked there as well.

ALSO, William does not want to adopt a child. I just ~assumed~ he would be on my side of this. I want to adopt because there are so many children who dont have homes or food or whatever, why would I want to selfishly bring another into the world when I could just give my love to one that's already here? Y'know? I mean... the world is over populated as it is...

He does not want to adopt. He wants a "legacy" of our genetics or something... idk.



I can not afford my bills. My job sucks. It's soul suckingly boring, and I don't get enough hours...


fuck.


I can't do my spanish homework because my book still hasn't gotten here. I don't know how I'm supposed to do the lab work because the lab is never open... omg.

I'm having a mini-panic attack.

god im drunk right now. my eyes burn.
i cant think of who killed himself, im gonna comb through my diary later and figure this out, its been bother me all day.

His name had to also be Ryan then. I wrote it in my diary, but I guess I didn't say "Simpson," so you're probably right. Or when you told me you were just in such a shock that you were confused.

Andrew was the name of my friend that killed himself summer after freshman year. That's probably what made you think of that name.

Are you sure you're not thinking of that one dude I worked with, god what was his name...I forget, that I dated before Ryan Simpson? It was like, directly before Ryan...but for the life of me I cannot remember his name. Andrew? Fuck. It was forever ago.
I can't think of why I would say that. Hm. I'm pondering, will get back to you on that later. Maybe it was some wires crossing or something. Idk.

My on-line courses are easy and easy. I have two and half weeks left, I've been breezing by, it's nice. I wish I could take them all on-line, homework in my pjs is awesome.

alright, that's it. I'm never taking an online course again. Today has been ri-dic-u-lous! I basically did an entire course, while ill, in 24 hours.

I was going to come down for the forth, but William's car broke down so... unless I walk... lol.

I feel weird on Game Crush... maybe because I wear a wig....

Ok... I'm just going to say this, because I don't know how else to say it:
You told me Ryan Simpson killed himself. a long time ago...

omfg I am so tired, but I'm playing a game with someone on gamecrush, and since he's paying me to sit here and look exhausted, I feel bad logging out. It's 3:32 though. He's in Australia, but I like him because he hasn't asked me to get naked yet. Honestly, I do not fit in here, all these dudes want is a strip show on camera. Haven't they realized there is porn all over the internet? I think he's pretty young, and he's a nice kid, so if he wants to play 800 games of battleship, whatever.
It makes me think, though, stripping on-line probably pays better than every job I've applied to recently. I even cracked and did one for wal mart, kill me.
I need funds so bad I'd do just about anything. Not street walking, but I'm getting close.
I wish you were down here for the 4th, I really want to shoot off some fireworks. Why is it that no one wants to do this? Is it an age thing, do we grow out of it?
Ryan Simpson just facebook pinged me. Omfg. I don't even know what to say, he sent a ;) and everything. Okay, all it says is, "go to bed ;)" but sttiiiiiiiill. It's been a million years. I sent back, "you go to bed." Queen of witty responses, oh well. He looks exactly the same as he did junior year, only now he's got one of those pencil mustaches, and I'm not gonna lie, it makes me think he kidnaps children on the weekends and explores their "chamber of secrets". I'm not going to tell him that though. I wonder if Death Cab is still his favorite band. It's bad, but going through his pictures, all I can think of is man, my boyfriend could kick his ass.
I need therapy.
No, I need SLEEP. The kid is jabbering on about respect. Just ask to see my boobs so I can log out and go to bed without feeling guilty.
Fuck. Now there's another one poking around. My picture is not that attractive, and most certainly not provocative.
Ryan Simpson pinged, "we should catch up sometime keep me in mind." and logged out. oooh mysterious.
It was kind of mysterious. Fuck. Now I'm interested, like, who is this boy who walked out of my life and now wants to wander back in. We should catch up. That would be a lot of fun or at least give me something to blog about after it happens.
I wonder what Brian would think? Oh, who am I kidding? If Brian doesn't care about people expressing their undying love for me because, and I quote, "They fucked up," he's not going to care about this.
Little Australian kid wants to play tic tac toe. Go to sleeeeeep little one.
Peace out ho

-mb

So funny story... I'll try to make it short.

William talks on this thing kind of like skype when he plays WoW with people, but people only hear you when you click a certain button, so it's more walkie-talkie like. So, the channel he's usually on is his guild channel, and there's this girl who recently joined his guild who-I swear- sounds like she should be on a sex-hotline phone call. So when ever I hear her talking, I make fun of her. Well... So I just walked into the room and she goes, "Namira (that's William) can I ask you a question?" in her obnoxiously seductive voice, so I made a joke about it and then repeated her question mockingly.... turns out, he's in some sort-of "interview" mode as he called it, and she could hear me. She didn't respond for a really long time and then she goes, "Namira I think your microphone is messing up or something" all quietly. At first I felt bad, but now I just can't stop laughing about it. If you heard this girl's voice you would understand. It's so absurd.

St. Louis = Dramaville

I'm serious. No one fights for more than 10 seconds in Kirksville... maybe that's because they'd go crazy bored if they didn't make up... probably. lol.

I really like my composition class. It makes me feel like I'm really accomplishing something. It also makes me wish I'd have been a composition major. ugh. It's so intense though. Dr. Gooch said the piece I turned in for our last project was good enough "for public performance sometime." I practically shit myself. I really enjoy this. I really really do.

Also, online History can kiss my ass. They shoved way too much shit into one month! HELLLLLOOOOOOO I AM HUMAN! I cannot finish this shit. I do not understand why it isn't an 8 week course. It's probably going to kill me... or I'm just going to bomb it, y'know... either way...

I have been talking to Beth Kohler a lot lately. Hear me out on this one, because at first I was like "okay, enough is enough," too. I've been trying to get to know her better since I cheated on her boyfriend while she was with him, and Garrett wanted us to get along, and I messaged her last night asking if she wanted to go to the zoo with Brian and I Monday or Thursday, because those are the days he has off. She was like, I'd like either of those days, but I made Garrett mad so I'm not sure if he'll want to go at all.
So I facebook him, asking what days he wants to go because he keeps telling me how much better their relationship is, and like an idiot, I believe him, because I'll believe just about anything anyone tells me because, also like an idiot, I want to believe the best in people. Garrett says she pissed him off and he doesn't want to go out. He's telling me, basically, that he plans on being pissed off at her all week. Is this sounding like Nick to you yet? Wait, it gets better. So I was like, unless she cheated on you, stabbed your mother, or dumped your ass you need to pretty much be over it. He says something like for all I knew all those things happened an he was going to bed. I told him I was not happy with him, he says he doesn't care. NICE BEST FRIEND BY THE WAY.
So he stops talking to me. Fine. He can kiss my ass at that point, everyone has been texting me lately talking about how they pretty much can't stand him and he's all fucked up. I love that.
So anyway, Beth and I begin having a conversation, she's really upset and saying she fucked up really bad. So finally I ask what happened. You ready for this, it will BLOW YOUR MIND. It blew mind. She wants to spend time with him, he's apparently really close to her. She asks if she can hang or come down. He says he doesn't want to see her. She says, fine I don't want to see you either. He hangs up the phone. She has been apologizing to him and he won't forgive her. I'm amazed at his ability to turn his jackass behavior into her fault. Like him cheating on her with me, he apparently makes her feel bad about that too.
I told her she should break up with him. I'm sorry, but that was the kind of bullshit Nick was always pulling, mad over nothing, making his shitty behavior somehow my fault and making me feel really bad when I hadn't done anything.

Which is why I love Brian, Brian has never actually been mad at me. I'm fairly certain anyway, I just texted asking. I've been unhappy with him, but it never lasts long than, what twenty minutes.
I dunno, I just hate people who treat who their with shitty because they don't like themselves. I always felt bad for him because he said she was such a bitch, but now I'm thinking it's a pretty good combination of him being a giant dick as well.

Enough space wasted about Garrett. Christy and I made up, that feels good. And the new background on my computer is puppies in a wagon. I'm spending the night at Brian's tonight I'm super excited, we don't do this a lot, and Monday is the Brazil vs Chile game yay!
I'm just gonna go to the zoo with Brian anyway, we'll have fun no matter what.

No, I'm saying we talked about it ~before~ our first date. All that was on the table before we ever even started dating. I'm not saying that's normal, or that everyone should do it. I'm just saying that I liked it. I like knowing what I'm getting myself into, and so does William. I've been on very few first dates that didn't turn into relationships, and those dates were with people that I ~didn't~ get to know first. Most of the time, if I agree to a date, it's because I see legitimate life-long potential with the person, and I just can't get that out of the first 5 minutes with someone.

I like disagreeing, but not arguing. I hate debating with someone who gets really angry/upset when you disagree with them. I also don't like debating something when I feel like the other person knows a great deal more about the subject than I do. It makes me feel like an idiot, and I usually try to change the subject. William and I, for that reason, don't really argue a lot. We both know a lot about different things. So, we might talk about them, and one of us might occasionally say we disagree, but for the most part we just listen to each other, and hear what the other person's opinion on whatever is. He's got a lot to say about religion, and I've got a lot to say about music, and we learn a lot from each other by talking about that stuff. It's just something that we enjoy, while we also enjoy being silly.

I do not want to go to work today... ugh. Sundays suck. it's my longest work day, and I always have homework I need to be home doing (because I procrastinate) but I can't because I'm at work, wishing I could die.

Well so did Brian and I, but you are missing the point here, Cindy, unless on your first date you said to William, "I want to get married by the time I'm twenty four, I want three kids, here are the names I have picked out, etc etc." You didn't do that.
Brian and I had discussed all that before he told me he loved me, but we did not discuss it on our first date. Or second. Maybe, like a week or two in, we brought it up in a friendly kind of way, where he was like, yeah I want to someday but not anytime soon, and I was like, yeah me too.
I'm not saying that you pretend to be awesome for months and months. But on a first date you did not break out marriage. No one does. You keep all those serious topics to yourself and wait until you have them before letting them know you fully except being married in the next to years.
Since we've met we had an actual discussion about it, to which we agreed neither of us want to be married for at least another five years, and we aren't sure if we want to have kids. Brian and I still haven't really touched politics or religion. I don't mind that, I have no desire to discuss those things with him, I don't like the dynamic where you need to argue with someone about their political beliefs. He voted, that's good enough for me. People always hear that and assume Brian and I are either exceptionally shallow people, or just have no idea what is going on around us. I don't know if he pays a lot of attention, I've caught him watching the news a few time but that doesn't mean anything. I hate people who thing, in order to have a deep and meaningful relationship, you need to discuss politics and religion. Um, what? No, no you don't. The last thing I want is arguments because we don't agree with the same politics, or because our religions are different. Fuck, he's Lutheran, I'm catholic, neither of us are really sure if there's anything out there, and that's the extent of it.
I dislike arguing, I don't like friendly arguing or angry arguing, it's stupid and it's stressful. Brian and I are silly people, we don't like to argue about anything. Brian gets sad, I get frustrated and nothing gets accomplished. The time spent arguing we could be making out or having fun, at the park eating ice cream, any number of things. Instead we're no where near each other irritated, trying to work through our feelings which I absolutely loathe. So, to all those people who are feel we need to be discussing and arguing pointless shit FUCK YOURSELVES. That's right, fuck you. You are probably single, and if you're not, your relationship probably does not have any kind of longevity. Happy couples don't want to argue over dinner the merits of the energy bill of '97.
Meanwhile at dinner Brian and I can't stop laughing because we enjoy the other person company while talking about random silly things.
I like that. Nick always wanted to argue, I hated that, I always felt like I was on blast. Brian never makes me feel like that.

heart that boy.
-mb