Day Sheven

I'm getting annoyed by the picture days... *sigh*

So... yeah. That's William (and myself) shaving our heads for cancer. see more info at Stbaldricks.com or .org... I don't remember. Anyway, I decided this best depicted his awesomeness, because when I said I wanted to do this, he immediately supported ~and~ joined me. How many guys say, "That's great!" when their girlfriend says she wants to be bald. Not. Many. ...we learned that much from Friends, right? :D (Ross' bald gf...lol.)

Day 6

Favorite Supre Hero and why? uhg. Well... I don't like Batman, because he doesn't have any real powers, he just... was born into a bunch of money and bought some cool shit. I don't like SuperMan because he's always discovering new powers right when he needs them, and it's really annoying PLUS he's not technically human, so... I mean... if he counts as a super hero, then so does The Doctor... and I would toooootally choose The Doctor, if I thought that counted. I don't like any female heroines I can think of, because they always dress like sluts and have breasts too large for a normal person to function with. I guess Green Lantern and Spiderman are pretty cool.

Yeah, I'll go with Spiderman, because Peter Parker is such a lovable character. He's this poor nerd, who becomes awesome and instead of going to the people who pick on him and being like, "Hey! Fuck you man! Bet you regret all those nasty things you said to me now, dontcha?" he took the high road and just tried to help people. It's great.

Allison posted a Vlog...kinda makes me wish I was cool enough to have a Vlog. I feel like it'd be really boring if I made one though. *shrug* who knows.

Minecraft. Play. it.

Day Five

Ireland. Summer of 2008. It was A-mazing!

Day Fourz

So, I'll probably forget, and Im a day behind anyway, and I've never been one for following the rules, so here's another day. I'm also gonna add the part of day one that I didn't do... if you're wondering, yes, I also do my homework in this crazy senseless way, and I get Bs in easy classes because of it, but y'know... I don't really care. I have a good gpa and that's all anyone's gonna look at.

Habit I wish I didn't have? --- I'm just gonna say it, even though I've been hiding it for years. Enough people know now, and I stopped giving a shit if people think I'm creepy, because if that's the case, they're stupid bitches. I mean, honestly. So, I pull my eyelashes out. It's a mild type of OCD, and I've met one other person (Bonnie <3) who does it, and that's what gave me the strength to start admitting that I do it, because I really look up to Bonnie, and when she told me about that, I was really jealous of how ok she was with it. I think I was just always really embarrassed because of the way people treated that girl in high school who pulled out her hair. I mean, I don't eat mine like she does, but I'm sure she can't help it anymore than I can. It's more than something like biting your nails. Biting your nails is a habit, and when someone pulls your hand away from your mouth it's like, "Oh yeah, I shouldn't do that." but when, for instance, William pulls my hand away from my eye... it's like... it's hard to explain, but I go crazy, and it's all I can think about. Which is why it's actually an OC and not really a habit per say.

So I'll count that as one of the 15 things and move on to number 2.

2. I hate wet paper. It freaks me out. especially wet paper, cardboard, cloth... anything particularly dry, being in my mouth, or seeing it in someone elses. Like when people chew on the collar of their shirt. If I do come in contact/see wet paper, I lick my lips like crazy.

3. I always do things to the left of me...if not right in front of me. I can't do things (like eat, write, etc.) if it's to my right, which I don't think has anything to do with my handedness, just... I like facing to my left, and I feel mildly uncomfortable facing to the right... not so much that I can't face the right, just that I will make every effort not to.

4. I live with my boyfriend, William, if you didn't already know. We've been dating for 2 1/2 years.

5. I ~will~ live in another country for at least a year. I have several versions of my life plan, all of which (even my back up) include a significant time abroad.

6. I would change my major if I thought I could stand/afford to stay here for a few more years. I love my lessons and my studio teacher, but most of the rest of it makes me hate my life.

7.I HATE clique-y-ness! ugh. It's really high school, and I absolutely hate it. Especially since I always try to be good friends with everyone which usually results in me just being an outsider to several cliques. I'm not talking about circles of friends, because those are just natural. I'm talking about things like in the music dept, and even in rpg club, where a particular group of people are seen as, not necessarily "elite," but... exclusive to themselves. You can't join unless you have an "in"... meaning you start dating someone in the group, or become very close to a key member. People just need to get the hell over themselves.

8. I am over myself. I realize how insignificant I am to the universe, and I don't think I'm entitled to a damn thing, except to make my own choices, and live with them.

9. I feel like my bitchy high school self is resurfacing. I'm sure MaryB is glad. I can't wait to put someone in their place again. I mean, that was like my job back then. People would get all high on themselves, and I would promptly shove them off their pedestal and remind them that no one gives a shit.

10. I get very sick of people sometimes--no... often. I'm not, like, bitter or anything, and I'm sure I sound super cynical (it does start with the same three letters as Cynthia...) but really I'm just... I'm over it. I'm done giving people the benefit of the doubt. It is what it is, it is like it seems. It kind of goes with MaryB's last real post. If a guy starts talking about sex on the first date, it means one of his top priorities is making sure he's gonna get laid. If you're not ok with that... gtfo. Don't be stupid. It's like people purposefully blind themselves to things because they don't want to admit that it really just is that bad.

11. I play WoW. It's about as addictive as the Sims, and for very similar reasons. For those who haven't played it... it's like The Sims, for fantasy fans (esp. LotR) but multiplayer. It's like what The Sims Online wished it was. The differences are that you don't play a family, you play one character (though, you can have more than one, you just can't play more than one at once). The goals of the game are more interesting (You're saving the world, not paying your bills). The world is more elaborate, and it's like playing the life you wish you could have, where fairytales and mythical creatures are real, and you go on adventures and fight bad guys with your friends. You can be a loner if you want, but it's not fun for me that way. I like the interaction with other people.

12. I think society is a bitch. There's all this pressure and bullshit that keeps people from legitimately trying things because it's "weird" or "nerdy"... and now some "nerdy" things are cool, but others aren't. It's annoying. I've tried so many awesome things in college since I got away from high school's stupid bullshit. There's still people who don't though and it's... I don't know. I hate when I hear people talk about the "HvZ freaks." Fuck you. Have you played it? no. They are having fun, and no one's making you join in, so just... just GET OVER YOURSELF. You are not better than someone because you are too "mature" to play with nerf guns. I'm sorry that you've grown out of having fun and being active... please, go back to productive things like beer pong. (I'm not dissing Beer Pong. It's quite entertaining/fun, but it's "cool" so it's ok if we drink out of cups after a ball (that's been rolling on the floor where drunk people vomit) was thrown in it. To me, that's way weirder than shooting people with nerf guns)

13. I wish I took more pictures. I know I'm going to look back on college and think, "I really wish I had more pictures."

14. I put salt on everything that isn't sweet, and I put honey on everything that is. This is a fact. Ok... except Ramen Noodles because they come with a seasoned salt packet.

15. I need to graduate. I don't want to leave here, but I'm so apathetic about classes this year. It's ridiculous. I've just clocked out I guess.

That was a hard list to think of. Glad I'm done. On to more productive things--nah... on to WoW.

Day Three... for realz?

MaryB didn't jump on it, so I'm doing it. except... the post pic button is missing...wha!?

Edit: I found it!

This is a picture of myself, MaryB, and Meggie... who is awesome like us. We went to some kville bars in wigs to be cool, pretending like different people, which... didn't work so well for me since people knew who I was. Definitely want to try again in St. L sometime. I love real life acting, it's exciting being someone else for a night.

Day Three... not

Since I took up day 2, and MB can't really say anything more than that, I'm gonna let her take up day 3, so long as I am also in said picture. lol.

Day two (delayed)

So... I slacked on that pretty quickly, and I forgot the 15 facts part but... well, oh well.

Reason behind the name: Caligynophobia is the fear of pretty women, so there you go. Also, Marybeth spelled it wrong.

Huh

So recently I discovered something about myself that is surprising and possibly disturbing.
Let me start at the beginning. My friend Amanda, from MO state is always asking me for man advice and what to do when he does this, what it means when he says that, and I always respond, and she is satisfied and stops texting, and life continues on. I've never thought anything of this, it's been going on for a while, lets face it, I have been on a lot of dates with just about every imaginable type of guy on the planet, but I only seriously date 1% of said people. Now, obviously you can't be in a serious relationship with every person you have a first date with, because that would mean you have no standards, and God help me, I have standards. Ridiculous standards sometimes, which obviously don't help me in any way because all the guys I date have issues. But that's a rant for a different blog.
Anyway, along with my first date skills I happen to be pretty good and dissecting someone based on what they're wearing, how they talk, their shoes, cars, etc, because everything you have on and own says something about you and how you see yourself. It's called profiling and its why I pay 30 grand a year to go to SLU. These two skills are immensely useful because they pretty much eliminate any need to go on several weeks worth of dates trying to figure out if this boy is a keeper.
I don't want to discuss my exes, because most of them are still decent people who treated me exceptionally well, and continue to do so, and on our first dates were nothing but nice and gentlemen. Even Nick. Nick may have taken me on the best first date I've ever been on.
There are things men do that seem like they should be huge red flags right away, that will tell you whether to waste your time or if you should hug him goodbye and then delete his number from your phone the minute you get in your car. I just want to outline some of the obvious ones, and before you make some dumbass comment Cindy, I want to point out 98% of girls, even smart ones, are not aware of this stuff. I don't know what is says about women as a whole and our need to be with someone, I'm not talking about that.
The first thing I want to say is, if you are on a date with a man and he starts making suggestive jokes, or outright talking about sex, your sexual history, his sexual history, asking if it's true red heads are better in bed, etc. you need to be done right away. Every guy I have dated seriously has never asked me anything, they think about it quietly in their head, and we figure it out later when we're naked. My point here is that all men want to have sex with you pretty much the minute they see you and find you attractive. The difference is nice guys will keep those thoughts to themselves and assholes want to know right away if they're going to get laid anytime soon. A lot of girls I talk to don't realize this, or willing to look past it, but I think this is the worst offense a guy can make.
Talking about exes is also unacceptable to me. It's not as bad as asking me how many people I've slept with (yes that has happened), but it's right under it. Everyone has exes, and I assume someday I will find out about one of them, but a first date is not the time for that. Don't tell them about them either. Boys always ask what the longest relationship I've been in, what he was like, etc etc, and I just don't think this is acceptable first date conversation. My exes are exes for a reason, you bringing them up causes me to assume you're not over one of them. I don't care if she cheated on you, if you were engaged. Just like women shouldn't bring it up, men shouldn't either. If the guy you're out with is taking about his ex, excuse yourself to the bathroom and promptly walk out.
Long term plans. Hear me out on this one, because every girl I talk to gets way too excited about this. Maybe it's my fear of commitment talking here, but the second a boy brings up what he wants to do together past our second date, and he's not standing at my car saying goodbye, I automatically freak out. Girls think its a good sign he wants to take you to the lake in two months, but I think its a red flag. You don't really know this person and they are already planning a future with you. Slow down. Half the fun of a relationship is getting to know someone, so why rush it?
Asking if you have tattoos/piercings. This takes me back to sex. Tattoos are a little more acceptable, in the correct situation, like if it is visible and he asks politely about it, and you have a nice dialogue about it. Suggestively asking me if I have a piercing makes me assume you are imagining me naked in your head and causes me to immediately regret whatever shirt I put on. It's all about respect, and too often as girls we overlook things like this because we hate being alone.
Lastly, the question, "So do you have any questions for me/anything you want to know about me?" If I had questions or wanted to know things about you, I would ask. I never know how to respond to this question politely. I have never asked any guy this question because I assume anything he wants to know he'll ask me, everything else you learn over time. It's all in the fun of getting to know someone. Putting me on the spot makes me think you want me to ask you something specific, especially when you ask it two or three times. No, I don't. Conversation should just happen, and if you're with a good guy this question never has to come up because you are too busy laughing/talking about whatever going on. Nothing should be forced.
It's not hard to see why most guys are single half the time, and I often wonder what kind of girls have dated this guys before because some of them are just..awful.

The most important thing in dating is you have to know yourself, and you can't be willing to compromise that. Too many people sacrifice what they want and who they are to have someone else in their life. I'm not saying that if you think you want a six foot, black haired, blue eyed firefighter, but you mean a blond with brown eyes who does finance and he's great that you should send him on his way. I'm saying that you should not compromise because you don't want to be alone. If I've learned one thing from all my heartbreak, it's that when said heartbreak has been happening I always think I'll never find anyone better, and when I look back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out, and you will be too. The most important thing is to respect yourself, and everything else just kind of falls into place. You'll meet people and sometimes it will work out, and sometimes it won't.

Hope this is insightful and doesn't sound stupid.

-mb

what is this?

am I supposed to be participating in this?

It's my profile picture, so it's kind of recent.
Fifteen interesting facts about me. Fuck.
1. I am not a natural red head, but no one seems to know this. Even when I whip out pictures, people never catch on.
2. I sometimes pretend I am living in a musical while driving around in my car
3. I can't stand when boys I don't know try to be flirty/sexual with me. It's not attractive, it makes you looks sleazy.
4. I still watch the disney channel.
5. I'm obsessed with the idea of having perfect hair
6. I still write in my diary
7. I fall in love pretty easy once I'm with someone I really like
8. So, I get my heart broken pretty easy too, though I pretend like I'm fine
9. I want to get a line from a Robert Frost poem tattooed on my rib cage.
10. I miss being in high school
11. I can make friends with anyone
12. I like to run in the park
13. My favorite number is 4
14. I hate my teeth
15. I know way to much about serial killers

Okay. Tell me if I did it right, kay bye!

-mb

Dia Uno

So to make this picture perfectly random, I picked a number (1-total # of pics on my fb page) 127... of course... and that's the picture I used.

I could've been more random and used a random # generator... but... oh well.

So this pic is from last summer at the NEMO fair. Marybeth was getting all sick and whatnot from the spinning rides, and this picture was taken by her, on the ride just before we started moving. I continued to eat that popcorn for the duration of the ride to basically tease her. She was about to vomit, whilest my "stomach of steel" remained uneffected. It was a very fun day :)

Everyone is engaged! Stop it you!

Bunch of people doing this, I'll go ahead and jump on.

Day 01 - A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02 - The meaning behind your "Blogspot" name
Day 03 - A picture of you and your friends
Day 04 - A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06 - Favorite super hero and why
Day 07 - A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08 - Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09 - Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11 - Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12 - How you found out about "blogspot" and why you made one
Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14 - A picture of you and your family
Day 15 - Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16 - Another picture of yourself
Day 17 - Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18 - Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19 - Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20 - Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22 - What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23 - Something you crave for a lot
Day 24 - A letter to your parents
Day 25 - What I would find in your bag
Day 26 - What you think about your friends
Day 27 - Why you are doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28 - A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29 - In this past month, what have you learned?
Day 30 - Who are you?

wtf, Life?

I don't want to write an emo "blah blah, my life sucks" blog, because my life doesn't suck. I'm just pissed off at everything lately. Maybe it's the hormone pills, or maybe things really are that aggravating. Regardless, I'm going to write a blog to remind myself of all the reasons I have to STFU and get over it.

Friends
I have wonderful friends, some of the best in the world I'm sure. They told us in high school that when we went to college, we'd lose touch with people from high school, but you (almost) never lose touch with people from college. I can say that I'm pretty sure that's accurate (if I'm allowed to count Marybeth as both a high school and college friend... they never said it had to be people who went to your college.) I never want to let go of these people, and I never will. No matter what happens, I know that there's always going to be someone who has my back, and supports me 100%. There'll always be someone to drive me home in a storm, because they know I'm freaked out by lightning, and someone who will call me at 11pm to make sure I'm not alone hiding in the bathroom where there are no windows.

Living
I have access to enough food, and sleep, and education, and clean water, and heat/AC, and comfort, etc. I know I'm not the only one who takes these things for granted. (on a tangent now...) I HAAAATE when Americans act like we shouldn't do everything in our power to give these things to everyone on earth! What the FUCK did you do to earn your right to receive all the great things this country has to offer? You were born here. That's it. You were lucky as shit, and you were born as the descendant of someone who worked their ass off to get here (or went through extreme mistreatment to stay--in the case of Natives). YOU did NOT work YOUR ass off to get here. You probably do very little to deserve it either. I wish everyone would just adapt the mindset of living with a little less, so someone can live with a little more. (if you're wonder what I'm giving... other than donating to all those coin collection thingies, and always checking the "I'd like to donate an extra dollar to..." box on receipts and bills and whatnot... when I graduate (someday. lol.) I am doing one of two things. I'm going to teach English in another country (developing country, most likely) or I'm going to join the Peace Corps.)

William
Yeah... he gets his own segment. They tell you to marry your best friend, and hopefully I'm on the right track to doing so. I've never felt so comfortable and open with another human being (Have to specify species because I tell my dog everything. lol.) I can truly, and totally be myself with William, and I know that what I'm doing or saying might annoy him, but he's going to smile and love me regardless.

My Health
It isn't perfect, but I'm not dying. That's something to be grateful for.

Myself
Everyday I feel more and more aware of and comfortable with who I am, what I stand for, and what I believe. I respect myself, and mostly enjoy who I am, and who I'm becoming. I can look at myself in the mirror, and feel like I'm perfectly honest with myself. Who I see is who I am. (k... now I've got that Mulan song stuck in my head...)

Music
mmmmm....music. It's good.

I should feel pretty good right about now. I guess I feel ok. Fuck my stupid emotions. I'm officially blaming the meds. lol.