I think it's outrageous that someone can be punished based on an assumption, but we've been talking enough about that.
__________________________________________________________
Is anyone else sick of seeing videos, posters, and wtf ever else with hot girl with large breasts who are "gamer girls"
The word's been out that girls play games (*gasp*!) for sometime now. It's old. There was a time when this was a novel little act, and that time was 5 years ago. Learn to actually play, and put a shirt on please.
It's funny that the standard for what makes a guy a gamer is "doesn't really have a social life outside of xbox live/blizzard/Ventrillo/Steam/wtfever" and for a girl it's "I think I saw her play mario party once." --obviously, those are exaggerations. Really though, I don't care too much about that. If someone claims to be a gamer, in my opinion, that makes them one, because that's what they associate themselves with.
What does annoy me, is what I was just saying before that little digression. Girls who act like the fact that they play video games, at any level, act like they are some kind of gift to man. News Flash Ladies: Guys play video games to (*drumroll*) Play a GAAAME... not be teased be some stupid bitch with a headset talking about stupid shit, playing dumb, and giggling uncontrollably. I don't care if you are the freaking Queen of 1337, if you act like a dumb hoe, people are going to be annoyed. 13 year olds who've never seen boobs before might love you, but everyone else thinks you're an idiot.
I bring this up because a specific dumb hoe. William and I play WoW with several other couples (married and not), and a few single people. We used to all play with someone who easily fits that description and would coooonstantly flirt with guys who's girlfriends were right there playing the game with them! I mean... come on!
To all girls who feel special and extra sexy because they hold a wiimote in pictures: I am sorry that you lack the self confidence in everyday situations to consider yourself attractive, but you have GOT to get rid of this delusion that all gamers are ugly fat guy in their mom's basement who've never spoken to a girl before, or seen breasts outside of a porno, who will just cum in their pants at the thought that they ~might~ be playing with a girl.
Edit: I do realize that I am a girl who plays video games. I would not say that I play enough, or am good enough to be a "gamer" so I wouldn't say that I am a "gamer girl," though, humorously... I am probably better than a lot of girls who do claim that rank.
Friday, October 29, 2010
The thing is, the officer who does the arresting has no way of know if you knew what was going on or not, it's not like you would tell the truth if you did, so you have to assume they knew the whole time. It's sad it has to be that way, but honesty is a rare thing these days, especially when you're faced with the possibility with jail time. Would you get jail for being an accessory? Probably not, unless its a murder charge, or a large scale drug thing, kidnapping, etc. The things you mentioned, they probably got fined and community service, which still sucks, but that's the rules.
What I'm saying is, in the article they site incidents like that being a common occurrence, which I don't believe. There are video camera everywhere, so maybe one in a thousand women are sexually assaulted, but not every woman is. The problem is there are more men who are guards then women, so they have to make do with what they have. I'm sure if they could get all women they would, but the reality is they just don't. Are there corrupt guards, of course, just like there are corrupt lawyers and teachers and everything else. It doesn't make it right, but not all are.
That's what bothered me with the article the most. Maybe one in ten thousand are there for poor or unfounded reasons, but they are not all there because the police are trying to punish their loved ones. That's all I'm saying about it, really. If they were discussing prison in Columbia I would have been, "oh yeah, well that's probably true," but reading that I was like, "bullshit, ten points from gryffindor!" haha, but seriously.
Annnyyywaaayyy so...I'm gonna be in Springtown this weekend most likely to see a boy...with blue eyes, I have been smiling non-stop all week. It only took me, what...4 years? Whatevs. I'm excited.
See you bitch.
-mb
What I'm saying is, in the article they site incidents like that being a common occurrence, which I don't believe. There are video camera everywhere, so maybe one in a thousand women are sexually assaulted, but not every woman is. The problem is there are more men who are guards then women, so they have to make do with what they have. I'm sure if they could get all women they would, but the reality is they just don't. Are there corrupt guards, of course, just like there are corrupt lawyers and teachers and everything else. It doesn't make it right, but not all are.
That's what bothered me with the article the most. Maybe one in ten thousand are there for poor or unfounded reasons, but they are not all there because the police are trying to punish their loved ones. That's all I'm saying about it, really. If they were discussing prison in Columbia I would have been, "oh yeah, well that's probably true," but reading that I was like, "bullshit, ten points from gryffindor!" haha, but seriously.
Annnyyywaaayyy so...I'm gonna be in Springtown this weekend most likely to see a boy...with blue eyes, I have been smiling non-stop all week. It only took me, what...4 years? Whatevs. I'm excited.
See you bitch.
-mb
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I don't think that someone in a vehicle with someone who has drugs should be arrested though. I mean, in so many situations, they could have no idea, and there whole life gets fucked up because they got in the wrong car. I know it doesn't matter what I think because that's the law. It's just irritating. On a small-scale example, I have two friends who've gotten in trouble that way. One got an MIP for being in the car with someone who had alcohol in her purse, and another friend was arrested for distributing to a minor, because she was over 21 in the same car. Neither of them had any idea the other girl had alcohol on her.
I realize that that's part of the guards job, and that it has to be done. It's sad, to me, that they can't get a same sex person to do it, like they do in a school or an airport. I mean, these people are still human beings, who shouldn't be made to feel like they have absolutely no worth, no privacy, and no control over themselves whatsoever. The big thing that I was trying to focus on, though, were the guards doing more than "their job." This article, among others, talks about the numerous women who ~are~ raped/assaulted by guards.
I know you believe in the system, but it's got problems just like everything else.
I realize that that's part of the guards job, and that it has to be done. It's sad, to me, that they can't get a same sex person to do it, like they do in a school or an airport. I mean, these people are still human beings, who shouldn't be made to feel like they have absolutely no worth, no privacy, and no control over themselves whatsoever. The big thing that I was trying to focus on, though, were the guards doing more than "their job." This article, among others, talks about the numerous women who ~are~ raped/assaulted by guards.
I know you believe in the system, but it's got problems just like everything else.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
A male guard running his hands over a female prisoner isn't exactly sexual assault, just like a female guard running her hands over a male prisoner isn't sexual assault either. The exact definition of assault is the crime of violence against another person. That is not violence against another person, that is someone doing their job.
Yes it's sad that people who are abused as girls tend repeat the cycle as adults because that's all they know, but it doesn't cause people to become criminals, and I'll have you know that it is a crime in this country to live with another person who is partaking in illegal activities. If you're caught driving in a car with someone with drugs, you are an accomplice. If they throw you in jail for it, it's not because you won't testify against your boyfriend/dad, its because you were involved. Its a crime in the United States to put someone in jail because they won't help you out.
You're basically listening to criminals and feeling sorry for them based on one side of an argument. If I were incarcerated I would say "its not my fault blah blah blah" too.
I'm just saying.
-mb
Yes it's sad that people who are abused as girls tend repeat the cycle as adults because that's all they know, but it doesn't cause people to become criminals, and I'll have you know that it is a crime in this country to live with another person who is partaking in illegal activities. If you're caught driving in a car with someone with drugs, you are an accomplice. If they throw you in jail for it, it's not because you won't testify against your boyfriend/dad, its because you were involved. Its a crime in the United States to put someone in jail because they won't help you out.
You're basically listening to criminals and feeling sorry for them based on one side of an argument. If I were incarcerated I would say "its not my fault blah blah blah" too.
I'm just saying.
-mb
If you read further, it gets into the "reasons" why a lot of women are there. That's the part that really got me. Women who's husband's or boyfriends or fathers, etc. committed crimes and they got punished for it because of ignorance, or that they wouldn't testify against their husbands.
I'm not saying that prison should be like a vacation. I'm just saying that a woman who's been abused (physically, sexually, emotionally, etc) shouldn't go to prison and then be violated and abused by the staff their. That's what the article is really getting at, in my opinion. The overlooking of women being sexually and physically assaulted in prison by male guards.
In a lot of cases, I really dislike comparisons used for the sake of argument. Just because A is better than B, doesn't mean A is good, or even acceptable.
I'm not saying that prison should be like a vacation. I'm just saying that a woman who's been abused (physically, sexually, emotionally, etc) shouldn't go to prison and then be violated and abused by the staff their. That's what the article is really getting at, in my opinion. The overlooking of women being sexually and physically assaulted in prison by male guards.
In a lot of cases, I really dislike comparisons used for the sake of argument. Just because A is better than B, doesn't mean A is good, or even acceptable.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I haven't read all of the article yet, but I wanted to start commenting on it now. I don't feel bad for any of these women, or their conditions. I feel like she tries to play on the readers sympathy, saying things like, "these women were abused" or "male guards touch us daily and I don't like it" without focusing on the fact that every single person in that prison is there for a reason. The United States is probably one of the best places in the world to be incarcerated, prison is not a trip to a Hilton hotel. I see no reason why any criminal deserves to have possessions, lengthy phone calls. You don't get the luxury of things like that anymore, and its hard to feel bad for this woman trying to explain to me the plight of women behind bars when the fact of the matter is, they broke the law, they made a choice no matter what happened to them as children or young adults, they made a choice to violate the rules society set down for us, and there are consequences.
It's sad that a lot more minorities are being shuffled through, since typically lower income people from poor areas turn to crime, but the fact of the matter is, anyone from any back ground can become anything.
So...thanks for the read...but I am a criminal justice major...and I believe in the system, and the people who are there deserve to be.
Cheers
-mb
It's sad that a lot more minorities are being shuffled through, since typically lower income people from poor areas turn to crime, but the fact of the matter is, anyone from any back ground can become anything.
So...thanks for the read...but I am a criminal justice major...and I believe in the system, and the people who are there deserve to be.
Cheers
-mb
Interesting read if you have the time
http://www.monthlyreview.org/0701day.htm
I'm sick, can't go to class... so I'm browsing the internet instead of doing homework like I should.
I'm sick, can't go to class... so I'm browsing the internet instead of doing homework like I should.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
I want to blog about last nights events. Mostly I just want to tell someone female without having to hear about how I'm such a slut. Because I'm not a slut, but I can't tell Courtney or Christy because they get all judgey and that just annoys me.
So, last night around sevenish Justen calls me and asks how viewing the townhouse went, and if I asked this and that question, yadda yadda yadda, and he mentions he wants to try this new bar, which I forget the name of now. I was like, if you decide to go shoot me a text, but do it about an hour and a half earlier than when you want to leave so I can start getting ready. Around eight he texts saying lets go, it's just gonna be me and him tonight unless I want to invite someone, which I didn't.
We met up in the commuter parking lot at 9:30, I was late of course because I couldn't find my keys is as per usual for me. I need to just clip them to my zipper or something, I lose them about eight times a day.
So we drive down having a nice conversation about whatever, probably shit talking because we do that a lot. We get to this bar which is very cute, its modern and chic, definitely my favorite one we've been in. I assume this is another gay bar and settle myself into a chair at the bar and order and amaretto sour, which was delicious. There is a brunette sitting next to me, and next to her is the really...really hot guy, a blond, with sexy hands. Justen says hes gay, and I believe him.
Its about this time Justen and I notice on the board that their Thursday special is $5 long islands, which is not necessarily a deal until we notice they're putting them in glasses as long as my forearm and twice as thick. So he goes up to sing, and I order us a round. This is the turning point in our night, because those drinks were strong as fuck, but delicious. Justen sings Elton, I "Woooo!" really loud. The brunette next to me strikes up a conversation and helps me pick out a song to karaoke, (Abba's Dancing Queen) and introduces us to her friend Mike, the hot blond guy. Justen and I make a bet on whether he's straight or gay. Its a toss up, he knows the words to Elton John, but he dances terribly. The brunette (she told me her name but I don't remember it anymore) gets up and Mike slides over into her chair next to me. I get up and sing, and at this point I'm drunk. I dance around the bar like an idiot and sing the song I'm sure horribly though Justen, Mike, and the brunette all swear is good and that I was adorable.
I run to the bathroom and become instant best friends with Ashley, who was coming out. We hugged. I love being drunk.
While I'm gone Justen finds out Mike is straight...but has a girlfriend. Aw. Well that's that, right? Wrong. Mike notices my drink is almost empty and buys my next one. He then orders a margarita, which was just straight up tequila. He hands it to me and tells me to take a drink, so I did. Yuck. But I did enjoy the drink he bought me...because it was free and I love anyone who buys me alcohol when I'm drunk, especially when they're hot. I don't remember everything at this point, but I do remember him leaning over and asking me if I can keep a secret. I giggle and say I'm good at keeping secrets (such a lie), and he tells me he thinks I'm beautiful and how do I get my hair so shiny. Like a total bitch I say "Um, I wash it." So untrue, I work hard to make my hair all swishy and shiny. It was natural last night, just kind wavy, but people were all over it, so points for him.
Justen and I duet Journeys "Faithfully" and Mike sings a song too, although I forget now. He comes back over and asks for my number, but I'm so far gone typing is hard, so he takes my phone and calls himself and then stores his number/name in my phone, tells me to wait 30 seconds so he can say goodbye to the brunette (who I found out from Justen this morning is best friends with his girlfriend), so I walked outside and struck up a conversation a gay man who was totally sweet. Mike calls and asks where I am. I giggle and say outside. He tells me to come out back. So I do. We then proceed to hardcore make out. He was...such...a good kisser, no sarcasm. And when I say make out I mean I walked outside and he was standing on the deck looking amazing, and he started to say something and I just cut him off, and then he had me pushed up against a deck. It was hot. Men like that should always be single.
I won't mention everything else that happened, but I will say I did not have sex with him...but I would have if he had been able to. This is my pattern, serious relationship, one night stand, serious relationship. Justen calls me like eight times while this is going on, and I decide, instead of turning off my phone, to just drop it off the edge. Mike, being a gentleman, went and got it for me. Maybe he was concerned when I just started climbing over the railing. Who knows?
Anyway, we do a lot more kissing before I finally say I should probably go, and he asks if he can call me tomorrow. I say yes. I also tell him that he is not going to marry the girl he is with. If you're making out with cute red heads in bars you are not committed to the girl you're with. Just sayin.
Justen and I drive home, and by the grace of God don't get pulled over or kill ourselves. I apparently said several times, "Justen you are in two lanes." We went through a McDonalds drive through and screamed loudly like we were at a rock concert. They gave us the food for free. Gotta try that in regular life.
I drove home to my house, and couldn't get in the front door, so I decided to sleep in the back yard. Which is what I did until my mom realized I was out there at like, five a.m. and sent Colbie out after me. She ate my hamburger. Bad dog.
Somewhere in there I called Brandon, Brian (uuuuuggggghhhhh), and David. David says I was hilarious. Brandon said I was a mess. Brian didn't answer thank GOD. I hid his number so that can never happen again.
I woke up this morning to about a million text messages. Mike asked if we were still on for today. Um what?! Its one thing when I'm drunk...I sent back today wasn't good for me, that I needed to go running. Which I'm going to do when I'm finished typing this. I know, I know. I have no balls.
Oh well.
Anyway, that was my night. All in all it seems like a win. Don't be hatin. Come to the STL and I'll get you really drunk.
-mb
So, last night around sevenish Justen calls me and asks how viewing the townhouse went, and if I asked this and that question, yadda yadda yadda, and he mentions he wants to try this new bar, which I forget the name of now. I was like, if you decide to go shoot me a text, but do it about an hour and a half earlier than when you want to leave so I can start getting ready. Around eight he texts saying lets go, it's just gonna be me and him tonight unless I want to invite someone, which I didn't.
We met up in the commuter parking lot at 9:30, I was late of course because I couldn't find my keys is as per usual for me. I need to just clip them to my zipper or something, I lose them about eight times a day.
So we drive down having a nice conversation about whatever, probably shit talking because we do that a lot. We get to this bar which is very cute, its modern and chic, definitely my favorite one we've been in. I assume this is another gay bar and settle myself into a chair at the bar and order and amaretto sour, which was delicious. There is a brunette sitting next to me, and next to her is the really...really hot guy, a blond, with sexy hands. Justen says hes gay, and I believe him.
Its about this time Justen and I notice on the board that their Thursday special is $5 long islands, which is not necessarily a deal until we notice they're putting them in glasses as long as my forearm and twice as thick. So he goes up to sing, and I order us a round. This is the turning point in our night, because those drinks were strong as fuck, but delicious. Justen sings Elton, I "Woooo!" really loud. The brunette next to me strikes up a conversation and helps me pick out a song to karaoke, (Abba's Dancing Queen) and introduces us to her friend Mike, the hot blond guy. Justen and I make a bet on whether he's straight or gay. Its a toss up, he knows the words to Elton John, but he dances terribly. The brunette (she told me her name but I don't remember it anymore) gets up and Mike slides over into her chair next to me. I get up and sing, and at this point I'm drunk. I dance around the bar like an idiot and sing the song I'm sure horribly though Justen, Mike, and the brunette all swear is good and that I was adorable.
I run to the bathroom and become instant best friends with Ashley, who was coming out. We hugged. I love being drunk.
While I'm gone Justen finds out Mike is straight...but has a girlfriend. Aw. Well that's that, right? Wrong. Mike notices my drink is almost empty and buys my next one. He then orders a margarita, which was just straight up tequila. He hands it to me and tells me to take a drink, so I did. Yuck. But I did enjoy the drink he bought me...because it was free and I love anyone who buys me alcohol when I'm drunk, especially when they're hot. I don't remember everything at this point, but I do remember him leaning over and asking me if I can keep a secret. I giggle and say I'm good at keeping secrets (such a lie), and he tells me he thinks I'm beautiful and how do I get my hair so shiny. Like a total bitch I say "Um, I wash it." So untrue, I work hard to make my hair all swishy and shiny. It was natural last night, just kind wavy, but people were all over it, so points for him.
Justen and I duet Journeys "Faithfully" and Mike sings a song too, although I forget now. He comes back over and asks for my number, but I'm so far gone typing is hard, so he takes my phone and calls himself and then stores his number/name in my phone, tells me to wait 30 seconds so he can say goodbye to the brunette (who I found out from Justen this morning is best friends with his girlfriend), so I walked outside and struck up a conversation a gay man who was totally sweet. Mike calls and asks where I am. I giggle and say outside. He tells me to come out back. So I do. We then proceed to hardcore make out. He was...such...a good kisser, no sarcasm. And when I say make out I mean I walked outside and he was standing on the deck looking amazing, and he started to say something and I just cut him off, and then he had me pushed up against a deck. It was hot. Men like that should always be single.
I won't mention everything else that happened, but I will say I did not have sex with him...but I would have if he had been able to. This is my pattern, serious relationship, one night stand, serious relationship. Justen calls me like eight times while this is going on, and I decide, instead of turning off my phone, to just drop it off the edge. Mike, being a gentleman, went and got it for me. Maybe he was concerned when I just started climbing over the railing. Who knows?
Anyway, we do a lot more kissing before I finally say I should probably go, and he asks if he can call me tomorrow. I say yes. I also tell him that he is not going to marry the girl he is with. If you're making out with cute red heads in bars you are not committed to the girl you're with. Just sayin.
Justen and I drive home, and by the grace of God don't get pulled over or kill ourselves. I apparently said several times, "Justen you are in two lanes." We went through a McDonalds drive through and screamed loudly like we were at a rock concert. They gave us the food for free. Gotta try that in regular life.
I drove home to my house, and couldn't get in the front door, so I decided to sleep in the back yard. Which is what I did until my mom realized I was out there at like, five a.m. and sent Colbie out after me. She ate my hamburger. Bad dog.
Somewhere in there I called Brandon, Brian (uuuuuggggghhhhh), and David. David says I was hilarious. Brandon said I was a mess. Brian didn't answer thank GOD. I hid his number so that can never happen again.
I woke up this morning to about a million text messages. Mike asked if we were still on for today. Um what?! Its one thing when I'm drunk...I sent back today wasn't good for me, that I needed to go running. Which I'm going to do when I'm finished typing this. I know, I know. I have no balls.
Oh well.
Anyway, that was my night. All in all it seems like a win. Don't be hatin. Come to the STL and I'll get you really drunk.
-mb
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Can I start this blog off by saying that my hair looks really awesome today? It took forever, totally worth it.
I'm really frustrated today, mostly with myself and I'm not sure why. I keep reminding myself that I am only one person and can only accomplish so much, but trying to cut myself some slack has just not been working out at all. I'm sure the problem is I'm really tired, I've been up working on school crap, projects due, tests all in a row, I'll never get why my professors feel the need to schedule all of this stuff right on top of each other, but it's midterm week, and I know I haven't been working hard enough in my literary class, and I'm trying to make up for it with all this studying. I haven't finished all of my required reading for the midterm, so I'm trying to do that too...It's my fault, I procrastinate and put everything off until its ontop of me and then freak out. It doesn't help that my "fall break" is two days, Monday and Tuesday of next week. Um, hey SLU, that's not a "break", that's a weekend. Thanksgiving break is the same way. I guess I should get used to having no time off, law school isn't going to be any better.
Plus, all this boy drama is stressing me. David Brandon blah blah blah. It feels like every time I decide I'm really going to commit to this single thing someone else pops up and I get all caught up in it. Did I learn nothing from Brian? The last thing I need is a guy, they're too much work and I just don't have time to love somebody like that. David wouldn't be so awful since he's far away so it's less work on my end during the week, but he's gonna want me to come down and vice versa, and on my weekends I need to be working, sleeping, studying, or drinking so much I forget about the first three. Besides, when graduates this year he'll be home, and next year I will have even less time to focus on him because it will be (god willing) my last year of ungrad school, and I need to keep my grades up, and once again a boyfriend gets in the way of that.
I'm also worried, because this feels like some kind of transitioning period in our lives where suddenly even guys are starting to look for something more substantial. I feel like the last one to mature, I know I'm not the only one who doesn't want marriage, but it seems like everyone around me does, and it makes me really uncomfortable. I've always been bad with commitment, that's no secret, anyone who knows me well is aware of this, but what if I start something with someone like David, for example, who has liked me for 4 years, and he wants to get married. I have always kind of thought after law school I'd get myself all settled, maybe buy a house, some really expensive suits/shoes, a new car, do me for a year, and then think about really settling down. There are just some boys you don't mess around with, and David is one of them. Brian was.
I think I'm trying to talk myself out of liking David, and not gonna lie, I'm doing a pretty good job. I like guys like Brian because they literally have nothing going on. They are not long term material. He was 24, not in school, living with his mom, I mean...perfect. He's not gonna get his shit together for a while, and by then I would have been long gone. David has his own place, about to graduate ahhhh stop thinking about it!
I've been stressed...so I've been shopping. Lots of cute shoes...same problems.
Lately I've been partying really hard, and I don't mind at all. People are so judgey, what ever. It's not like I'm going out sleeping with people, I'm getting dressed up and drinking with friends, but twice I've heard "I'm worried about you."
Bitch my grades are better than yours, so worry about yourself, mmkay? But it's probably contributing to my exhaustion. Whatever. I'm young, I'm cute, and can walk in heels, what do you want from me?
I'm thinking maybe I can't have relationships
Because lately they're not making any sense
And baby you're the one thing on my mind
But that could change any time
^^ that sums my whole life up right about now. Only, when you say/sing it, I need a drink in my hand.
Anyway, I want to end this with a message I sent to Herr Kirby on facebook. I
m pretty pleased with how I worded it, I'm not the best expressing feelings.
While I'm here I just want to say real quick that this spring I'll be taking my LSAT's, and applying to law school. It's been a really rough road because you can't really skate by with a smart mouth and natural talent, it's been a lot of hard work.
When I was in high school I only took two teachers twice, and that was you and Mr. Rose, and I took everything you both said to me to heart, and I really mean that. You both were really fantastic teachers, I always felt like my life mattered to you, and even though this sounds kind of corny, I still remember things you both said to me. I honestly don't think I ever would have worked as hard as I have been to do this if I hadn't had teachers like you both. I wish I could do something more than just say thank you, but right now this is the best I've got.
I know I will remember you and him forever, and I hope if I ever have kids (far, far off) that they have teachers like you both, because, out of all the teachers I had/have, it makes me a little sad that only two are memorable in a really distinct way.
Anyway, I've always wanted to say this.
Thank you, again!
-Martina
-mb
I'm really frustrated today, mostly with myself and I'm not sure why. I keep reminding myself that I am only one person and can only accomplish so much, but trying to cut myself some slack has just not been working out at all. I'm sure the problem is I'm really tired, I've been up working on school crap, projects due, tests all in a row, I'll never get why my professors feel the need to schedule all of this stuff right on top of each other, but it's midterm week, and I know I haven't been working hard enough in my literary class, and I'm trying to make up for it with all this studying. I haven't finished all of my required reading for the midterm, so I'm trying to do that too...It's my fault, I procrastinate and put everything off until its ontop of me and then freak out. It doesn't help that my "fall break" is two days, Monday and Tuesday of next week. Um, hey SLU, that's not a "break", that's a weekend. Thanksgiving break is the same way. I guess I should get used to having no time off, law school isn't going to be any better.
Plus, all this boy drama is stressing me. David Brandon blah blah blah. It feels like every time I decide I'm really going to commit to this single thing someone else pops up and I get all caught up in it. Did I learn nothing from Brian? The last thing I need is a guy, they're too much work and I just don't have time to love somebody like that. David wouldn't be so awful since he's far away so it's less work on my end during the week, but he's gonna want me to come down and vice versa, and on my weekends I need to be working, sleeping, studying, or drinking so much I forget about the first three. Besides, when graduates this year he'll be home, and next year I will have even less time to focus on him because it will be (god willing) my last year of ungrad school, and I need to keep my grades up, and once again a boyfriend gets in the way of that.
I'm also worried, because this feels like some kind of transitioning period in our lives where suddenly even guys are starting to look for something more substantial. I feel like the last one to mature, I know I'm not the only one who doesn't want marriage, but it seems like everyone around me does, and it makes me really uncomfortable. I've always been bad with commitment, that's no secret, anyone who knows me well is aware of this, but what if I start something with someone like David, for example, who has liked me for 4 years, and he wants to get married. I have always kind of thought after law school I'd get myself all settled, maybe buy a house, some really expensive suits/shoes, a new car, do me for a year, and then think about really settling down. There are just some boys you don't mess around with, and David is one of them. Brian was.
I think I'm trying to talk myself out of liking David, and not gonna lie, I'm doing a pretty good job. I like guys like Brian because they literally have nothing going on. They are not long term material. He was 24, not in school, living with his mom, I mean...perfect. He's not gonna get his shit together for a while, and by then I would have been long gone. David has his own place, about to graduate ahhhh stop thinking about it!
I've been stressed...so I've been shopping. Lots of cute shoes...same problems.
Lately I've been partying really hard, and I don't mind at all. People are so judgey, what ever. It's not like I'm going out sleeping with people, I'm getting dressed up and drinking with friends, but twice I've heard "I'm worried about you."
Bitch my grades are better than yours, so worry about yourself, mmkay? But it's probably contributing to my exhaustion. Whatever. I'm young, I'm cute, and can walk in heels, what do you want from me?
I'm thinking maybe I can't have relationships
Because lately they're not making any sense
And baby you're the one thing on my mind
But that could change any time
^^ that sums my whole life up right about now. Only, when you say/sing it, I need a drink in my hand.
Anyway, I want to end this with a message I sent to Herr Kirby on facebook. I
m pretty pleased with how I worded it, I'm not the best expressing feelings.
While I'm here I just want to say real quick that this spring I'll be taking my LSAT's, and applying to law school. It's been a really rough road because you can't really skate by with a smart mouth and natural talent, it's been a lot of hard work.
When I was in high school I only took two teachers twice, and that was you and Mr. Rose, and I took everything you both said to me to heart, and I really mean that. You both were really fantastic teachers, I always felt like my life mattered to you, and even though this sounds kind of corny, I still remember things you both said to me. I honestly don't think I ever would have worked as hard as I have been to do this if I hadn't had teachers like you both. I wish I could do something more than just say thank you, but right now this is the best I've got.
I know I will remember you and him forever, and I hope if I ever have kids (far, far off) that they have teachers like you both, because, out of all the teachers I had/have, it makes me a little sad that only two are memorable in a really distinct way.
Anyway, I've always wanted to say this.
Thank you, again!
-Martina
-mb
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Justen and I are actually pretty close, but I get what you're driving out. call her out. Just call her out, say, "so i heard something interesting," and dont let her talk her way out of it. just say you dont understand why shes saying/doing that and you want to know why.
thats what i would do.
hurry up.
-mb
thats what i would do.
hurry up.
-mb
It's just.... a friend of mine who apparently lies through her teeth. I mean, she says some unbelievable stuff sometimes, that I don't necessarily believe, but it's just like that one person in the group that--- it's like Justen Espy. You know he's full of shit, but you let it go because it doesn't really matter. But then, imagine if you and Justen were a bit better friends and you found out that you really barely know him at all, and that most of what you know of him isn't true at all.
How do you even ~begin~ to approach that situation? I mean, I can't just show up at her door and curse her out like a fucking crazy person... though... I kind of want to. lol.
Should I just let it go?
How do you even ~begin~ to approach that situation? I mean, I can't just show up at her door and curse her out like a fucking crazy person... though... I kind of want to. lol.
Should I just let it go?
Saturday, October 9, 2010
I really, really hate being lied to... consistently.... for no apparent reason at all.
I really
really
do.
Because when someone close to me, whom I trust deeply, lies to me, without a damn good reason (like, say, to save my life...or theirs... or... well saving anyone's life is acceptable.) I don't really know how to handle it. I'm hurt. I'm confused. And it's not like it's the first time. or the second. or even probably the third, if we're being honest about it. Another thing that bothers me about it? If the shoe were on the other foot (It wouldn't be, though, because I wouldn't have been given so many second chances), this would already be way out of hand.
I need a bit to think about how to even begin to handle this situation, because I'm tired of just... letting it go and pretending like it's not happening, or that I don't know... etc.
I'll write more later or something... idk right now.
I really
really
do.
Because when someone close to me, whom I trust deeply, lies to me, without a damn good reason (like, say, to save my life...or theirs... or... well saving anyone's life is acceptable.) I don't really know how to handle it. I'm hurt. I'm confused. And it's not like it's the first time. or the second. or even probably the third, if we're being honest about it. Another thing that bothers me about it? If the shoe were on the other foot (It wouldn't be, though, because I wouldn't have been given so many second chances), this would already be way out of hand.
I need a bit to think about how to even begin to handle this situation, because I'm tired of just... letting it go and pretending like it's not happening, or that I don't know... etc.
I'll write more later or something... idk right now.
Day 10
meh. not doing day 10, it's dumb.
Not looking forward to the week... Wednesday is my vocal midterm... which I'm never ready for... not a single semester in history have I been ready for it... but it seems to turn out just fine, so whatevs. *sigh*
Not looking forward to the week... Wednesday is my vocal midterm... which I'm never ready for... not a single semester in history have I been ready for it... but it seems to turn out just fine, so whatevs. *sigh*
Thursday, October 7, 2010
It would have counted if I had completed any of those classes, but I dropped out in October, so no. They don't. So suck it.
Spending a lot of time talking to David again. Seeing things in a new light, like maybe I should have dated him four years ago, but then I would be bored right now. I dunno. Every time I decide to be single some dude wanders into my life and wants a slice of my time.
My birthday is monday.
Spending a lot of time talking to David again. Seeing things in a new light, like maybe I should have dated him four years ago, but then I would be bored right now. I dunno. Every time I decide to be single some dude wanders into my life and wants a slice of my time.
My birthday is monday.
Day 9
Something I'm really proud of? Idk.... I got A's on all 3 midterms? I guess I'm proud of that.
Not that I'm trying to be a ... something (bitch? idk) ... but doesn't your semester at MSU count into your gpa? or are you just counting your SLU gpa? just wondering.
Might join the Peace Corps. when I'm outa here. Graduating in August because I don't want to take 17 credit hours next semester so I'm going to take Stat in the summer.
Trying to get the funds together to study abroad this summer again. Not in Ireland though. There's a program in Finland and Estonia between finals and the start of summer school. Pretty exciting. Trying to buff up my resume, so when I try to get a job teaching English abroad, I don't have to work in a straw hut. Not that I would mind, really.
William wants to be a professor at a University overseas, so that works out pretty well. That's actually why I'm considering giving two years of my life to the peace corps so I have something to do while he's going to grad school.
time for studio. I'll right more later.
ALSO, my senior recital is February 13 at 4pm. You better be there, bitch.
Not that I'm trying to be a ... something (bitch? idk) ... but doesn't your semester at MSU count into your gpa? or are you just counting your SLU gpa? just wondering.
Might join the Peace Corps. when I'm outa here. Graduating in August because I don't want to take 17 credit hours next semester so I'm going to take Stat in the summer.
Trying to get the funds together to study abroad this summer again. Not in Ireland though. There's a program in Finland and Estonia between finals and the start of summer school. Pretty exciting. Trying to buff up my resume, so when I try to get a job teaching English abroad, I don't have to work in a straw hut. Not that I would mind, really.
William wants to be a professor at a University overseas, so that works out pretty well. That's actually why I'm considering giving two years of my life to the peace corps so I have something to do while he's going to grad school.
time for studio. I'll right more later.
ALSO, my senior recital is February 13 at 4pm. You better be there, bitch.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
I'm not really playing anymore, which is pretty much obvious. I meant to, and then, like always, life got in the way. I've been busy trying to maintain a perfect gpa in college, and practicing my LSATs, because I am determined to score somewhere between 160-170. Obviously I'd like a 180, but you can only make two or so mistakes to still get a perfect score, and I'm still really bad at working through arguments. I always get in between two, and half the time I pick the wrong one. It's...it's special. I figure if I can maintain my gpa and score between a 160-170 I can go just about anywhere I want (not yale, but whatever), and I'd like to go to Rutgers.
I'm frustrated with the boy I've been seeing, but I don't really want to talk about that right now.
Columbia has been fun.
-mb
I'm frustrated with the boy I've been seeing, but I don't really want to talk about that right now.
Columbia has been fun.
-mb
Friday, October 1, 2010
Day Ate.
Short term goals for this month and why...
1. Go to "For the Fun of it" (a costume shop in town). Why? Because I want to.
2. Get shtuff memorytized for muzik lesuhns n yea...
3. ... no, I think that's it.
1. Go to "For the Fun of it" (a costume shop in town). Why? Because I want to.
2. Get shtuff memorytized for muzik lesuhns n yea...
3. ... no, I think that's it.
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