Recipes that I love, that are sure to shorten your journey to the grave:
#1-- Marybeth and Cynthia's First Edible Kitchen Creation (AKA Killer Ramen, or Cardio-Related-Death Pockets)
Ingredients:
1 packet of Beef Ramen Noodles
1 ea. diced Red and Green pepper
1/4 diced onion
1 can of dinner biscuits
2 spoonfuls of Tabasco™
1 spoonful of soy sauce
1/2 lb. ground beef
Boil noodles like you would normally. Fully drain after cooking, and add Beef flavor packet. place biscuits on large cookie sheet or Jelly roll tray. Flatten biscuits as much as possible. Cook ground beef in skillet until fully brown. Drain grease.
Mix peppers and onion into beef, and cook briefly. drain again, and take off heat.
Mix soy sauce and tabasco into beef.
place small portion of both beef and noodles on each flattened biscuit.
Fold each biscuit over contents and pinch shut (Like a pocket)
Bake on temperature recommended by biscuit label until biscuits are fully cooked.
ENJOY!!!
#2 much simpler recipe. I've found that adding flavorless oatmeal to ramen is a good way to add nutrition to noodles, with out tasting like shit.
More to come, including my "dessert stuffing" ... as soon as I can remember all of the ingredients.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Baby you're not the only one
I could swear I was carrying around a tiny me. But I'm not.
And I'm not going to argue with a plastic pregnacy test I bought from Walgreens for twelve bucks.
Ah, how freeing I feel right now. Totally.
Where the fuck is one of those free clinic things? You know what I'm talking about, where politicans and celebrities put on wigs and get abortions at, right?
I just want to take a test, and have an actual MD, or someone with an MD they bought on actualdegrees.com for 25 bucks tell me that I'm not pregnant, all this nausea and stuff is due to stress or something.
Only, wtf am I stressed about, except that I might be carrying around something quite possibly more sarcastic than me.
But I can put it in dresses. Boy/girl, doesn't matter.
Hm.
-embee
And I'm not going to argue with a plastic pregnacy test I bought from Walgreens for twelve bucks.
Ah, how freeing I feel right now. Totally.
Where the fuck is one of those free clinic things? You know what I'm talking about, where politicans and celebrities put on wigs and get abortions at, right?
I just want to take a test, and have an actual MD, or someone with an MD they bought on actualdegrees.com for 25 bucks tell me that I'm not pregnant, all this nausea and stuff is due to stress or something.
Only, wtf am I stressed about, except that I might be carrying around something quite possibly more sarcastic than me.
But I can put it in dresses. Boy/girl, doesn't matter.
Hm.
-embee
Why is it that sadness and stress must cause physical pain?
Is it not enough that we are sad/stressed?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
No strings attached
Oh God.
1. Two weeks feeling nautious (HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SPELL THAT?!), but no puking
2. Weird period that lasted like, 1/2 a day with random spotting for like three.
3. Bras aren't fitting right.
Um...I think I'm going to go to webmd.com, then Walgreens, and then finish this blog.
Also, is weird pooping one? Make that four.
-embee
1. Two weeks feeling nautious (HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SPELL THAT?!), but no puking
2. Weird period that lasted like, 1/2 a day with random spotting for like three.
3. Bras aren't fitting right.
Um...I think I'm going to go to webmd.com, then Walgreens, and then finish this blog.
Also, is weird pooping one? Make that four.
-embee
fml
FML!
I spent 3 hours forcibly watching a Japanese Opera (which was terrible!!!) instead of doing the mounds of homework and studying I now have to do...
FML!
I spent 3 hours forcibly watching a Japanese Opera (which was terrible!!!) instead of doing the mounds of homework and studying I now have to do...
FML!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I highly doubt that
I'm not the one who vomited on it, am I?
My computer died on me, waiting on my tax return to purchase a new one.
Thinking about getting a Dell...dude...
Really want something with XP and not Vista, so we'll see.
-embee
My computer died on me, waiting on my tax return to purchase a new one.
Thinking about getting a Dell...dude...
Really want something with XP and not Vista, so we'll see.
-embee
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Spotlight on Twilight!
My 'g' key is sticking, not sure why...
Anyway! At work I typically bring a book to read because there is a lot of down time, and nothing makes me want to die more than standing up front for three hours with five customers coming through an hour. So I read.
And the other day I grabbed a book off the shelf in my haste to make it to work on time (a failed attempt, I'm sure), and that book happened to be New Moon.
I haven't actually re-read New Moon, so I though, okay, this won't be so bad, I'll probably find things I missed and such.
It took me two work periods to finish it (Twilight fans, does that show you how much free time I have on my hands?), and I realized something.
I hate Bella Swan. Like, really hate her.
Now I have to go through all the books and find out if this hate is just during New Moon, or for all of the books, because I never noticed how she is.
Allow me to explain.
New Moon is book three of the Twilight "saga" if you will. In it, Bella and Edward are back together since Edward left her, Jacob and Bella are barely speaking because she chooses Edward over Jacob, she's grounded, and Victoria is on the warpath to kill her. Still.
During the course of the book (which, I think, plays out like the authors on personal fan fiction), Bella is made out to be completely selfless. She is constantly beating herself up because she doesn't feel like she is worthy of Edward since he is so beautiful, and angry because she cannot let Jacob go as a friend, even though she knows he loves her.
She refuses to deal with the emotions of Jacob, getting angry when he tries to explain to her how he feels, even punching him in the face (and breaking her hand), when he tries to kiss her.
Meanwhile she is trying very hard to keep the Cullens from fighting the newborns that were created to kill her because she's afraid that they all will die. When the fight is upon them she makes Edward stay with her, and kisses Jacob, finally admitting she loves him. Edward and Jacob have a completely honest conversation about why the love Bella and why she is so great and perfect, and how they are willing to fight to the death over her, all of which Bella hears, but is so dense she figures it is a dream.
Later on, when Victoria finds Bella, Edward, and Seth, Bella tries to kill herself to save Seth rather than just sit where she is and trust the people around her, almost killing Seth in the process.
All is well when Victoria is dead excepting for Jacob being hurt. She goes down to visit him where they lay all their emotions on the table, and she tells him how she wishes she could be with him, too.
She spends all night sobbing to Edward over Jacob, and the love she will never have with him, and at the end of the book Edward and Bella send Jacob a wedding invitation.
OKAY, now that that is out of the way! Bella is a lot like a Mary-Sue in this book. There is not a lot of depth to her character (not a lot of depth to ANY of the characters, but I never claimed this was good writing), although the author tries. So mostly Bella contradicts herself. Sometimes the author tries and makes her sarcastic and funny, but mostly she just makes her whiney and sad. Through most of the book Bella begs Jacob not to do dangerous things, please stay behind with me and so I can rub Edward in your face.
Bella also makes sure she is home every night to cook a home cooked meal for her father, does laundry on a regular basis, and generally tries to mother everyone around her. She has no interest in shopping or fashion to the point that I don't understand how she dresses herself in the morning. However, the author gives her favorite tops, bottoms, and such, that she wishes she had when they are lost.
Bella is also the most sought after girl in Forks, but is completely unaware. All the boys want to date her, but she is so lost in "no body could ever like me..." that she never notices, even when three boys ask her to the prom.
Girls also hate her because she is so pretty and boys like her, something else she never realizes.
It makes it hard to like her when you can't identify with her. I think that was the realization I had. That, if I read the books and don't do any kind of thinking, then I really enjoy them. But once I start thinking about it, and applying it to my life I realize that I am an actual human, and Bella is the author in her own fantasy land, and Edward is her ideal man.
That being said, I do love Edward and Jacob. They feel like real people, and behave in situations the way people should. Mostly.
-Embee
Anyway! At work I typically bring a book to read because there is a lot of down time, and nothing makes me want to die more than standing up front for three hours with five customers coming through an hour. So I read.
And the other day I grabbed a book off the shelf in my haste to make it to work on time (a failed attempt, I'm sure), and that book happened to be New Moon.
I haven't actually re-read New Moon, so I though, okay, this won't be so bad, I'll probably find things I missed and such.
It took me two work periods to finish it (Twilight fans, does that show you how much free time I have on my hands?), and I realized something.
I hate Bella Swan. Like, really hate her.
Now I have to go through all the books and find out if this hate is just during New Moon, or for all of the books, because I never noticed how she is.
Allow me to explain.
New Moon is book three of the Twilight "saga" if you will. In it, Bella and Edward are back together since Edward left her, Jacob and Bella are barely speaking because she chooses Edward over Jacob, she's grounded, and Victoria is on the warpath to kill her. Still.
During the course of the book (which, I think, plays out like the authors on personal fan fiction), Bella is made out to be completely selfless. She is constantly beating herself up because she doesn't feel like she is worthy of Edward since he is so beautiful, and angry because she cannot let Jacob go as a friend, even though she knows he loves her.
She refuses to deal with the emotions of Jacob, getting angry when he tries to explain to her how he feels, even punching him in the face (and breaking her hand), when he tries to kiss her.
Meanwhile she is trying very hard to keep the Cullens from fighting the newborns that were created to kill her because she's afraid that they all will die. When the fight is upon them she makes Edward stay with her, and kisses Jacob, finally admitting she loves him. Edward and Jacob have a completely honest conversation about why the love Bella and why she is so great and perfect, and how they are willing to fight to the death over her, all of which Bella hears, but is so dense she figures it is a dream.
Later on, when Victoria finds Bella, Edward, and Seth, Bella tries to kill herself to save Seth rather than just sit where she is and trust the people around her, almost killing Seth in the process.
All is well when Victoria is dead excepting for Jacob being hurt. She goes down to visit him where they lay all their emotions on the table, and she tells him how she wishes she could be with him, too.
She spends all night sobbing to Edward over Jacob, and the love she will never have with him, and at the end of the book Edward and Bella send Jacob a wedding invitation.
OKAY, now that that is out of the way! Bella is a lot like a Mary-Sue in this book. There is not a lot of depth to her character (not a lot of depth to ANY of the characters, but I never claimed this was good writing), although the author tries. So mostly Bella contradicts herself. Sometimes the author tries and makes her sarcastic and funny, but mostly she just makes her whiney and sad. Through most of the book Bella begs Jacob not to do dangerous things, please stay behind with me and so I can rub Edward in your face.
Bella also makes sure she is home every night to cook a home cooked meal for her father, does laundry on a regular basis, and generally tries to mother everyone around her. She has no interest in shopping or fashion to the point that I don't understand how she dresses herself in the morning. However, the author gives her favorite tops, bottoms, and such, that she wishes she had when they are lost.
Bella is also the most sought after girl in Forks, but is completely unaware. All the boys want to date her, but she is so lost in "no body could ever like me..." that she never notices, even when three boys ask her to the prom.
Girls also hate her because she is so pretty and boys like her, something else she never realizes.
It makes it hard to like her when you can't identify with her. I think that was the realization I had. That, if I read the books and don't do any kind of thinking, then I really enjoy them. But once I start thinking about it, and applying it to my life I realize that I am an actual human, and Bella is the author in her own fantasy land, and Edward is her ideal man.
That being said, I do love Edward and Jacob. They feel like real people, and behave in situations the way people should. Mostly.
-Embee
Sunday, February 15, 2009
If life were even weirder
So, this is a survey meant for couples, but that's why I thought it'd be funny to do for Mary and I...
"Copy and paste this into a new note and change the answers... You don't have to be married! If I tagged you, it means I want to see yours! Tag all the people you feel like tagging.
What are your middle names?
Ann and Elizabeth
How long have you been together?
Since we met in 8th grade, so... 7 years... that's common law marriage in some states.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
About 5 minutes
Who asked who out?
I was really shy, so her I'm sure
Whose siblings do you see the most?
neither of us like the other's
Do you have any children together?
Just a couple fugly one's from Dave and Busters
What about pets?
Colbie, but she's Mary's
Did you go to the same school?
did, don't
Who is the most sensitive?
depends on the year. right now... probably me.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
hm... mall?
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Gatlinburg I believe... maybe Florida.
Who has the craziest exes?
Oh god.... I don't even know. We've both got some doozies
Who has the worst temper?
hmm... her?
Who does the cooking?
We both cook. And we're both great at fucking up cakes
Who is more social?
It depends how much we've been drinking.
Who is the neat freak?
neither?
Who is the most stubborn?
I don't think either of us is very stubborn
Who hogs the bed?
her. she almost bashed me in the head once. I still have that little experience on my quote wall
Who wakes up earlier?
I have really early classes so probably me.
Where was your first date?
Mrs. Cottrel's room fo' lunch
Who has the bigger family?
Me, definitely
Do you get flowers often?
no.
How long did it take to get serious?
We still aren't, and never will be if we can help it.
Who eats more?
Depends on who was dumped most recently
Who sings better?
Well... I mean... it is my major and all... but who's to say.
Who does the laundry?
I'm given this one to her, because I think she does Nick's
Who’s better with the computer?
We're both eDivas
Who drives when you are together?
usually me... or Nick. lol.
Who picks where you go to dinner?
Nick... because Mary and I are indecisive and Nick has such good taste
Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Ugh... neither
Who wears the pants in the relationship?
Who needs pants. Pshaw.
Who has more tattoos?
neither
Who eats more sweets?
That's probably a tie
Who cries more?
Me... especially lately. I cry at ever stupid movie. I even cried watching House the other day.... pathetic.
"Copy and paste this into a new note and change the answers... You don't have to be married! If I tagged you, it means I want to see yours! Tag all the people you feel like tagging.
What are your middle names?
Ann and Elizabeth
How long have you been together?
Since we met in 8th grade, so... 7 years... that's common law marriage in some states.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
About 5 minutes
Who asked who out?
I was really shy, so her I'm sure
Whose siblings do you see the most?
neither of us like the other's
Do you have any children together?
Just a couple fugly one's from Dave and Busters
What about pets?
Colbie, but she's Mary's
Did you go to the same school?
did, don't
Who is the most sensitive?
depends on the year. right now... probably me.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
hm... mall?
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Gatlinburg I believe... maybe Florida.
Who has the craziest exes?
Oh god.... I don't even know. We've both got some doozies
Who has the worst temper?
hmm... her?
Who does the cooking?
We both cook. And we're both great at fucking up cakes
Who is more social?
It depends how much we've been drinking.
Who is the neat freak?
neither?
Who is the most stubborn?
I don't think either of us is very stubborn
Who hogs the bed?
her. she almost bashed me in the head once. I still have that little experience on my quote wall
Who wakes up earlier?
I have really early classes so probably me.
Where was your first date?
Mrs. Cottrel's room fo' lunch
Who has the bigger family?
Me, definitely
Do you get flowers often?
no.
How long did it take to get serious?
We still aren't, and never will be if we can help it.
Who eats more?
Depends on who was dumped most recently
Who sings better?
Well... I mean... it is my major and all... but who's to say.
Who does the laundry?
I'm given this one to her, because I think she does Nick's
Who’s better with the computer?
We're both eDivas
Who drives when you are together?
usually me... or Nick. lol.
Who picks where you go to dinner?
Nick... because Mary and I are indecisive and Nick has such good taste
Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Ugh... neither
Who wears the pants in the relationship?
Who needs pants. Pshaw.
Who has more tattoos?
neither
Who eats more sweets?
That's probably a tie
Who cries more?
Me... especially lately. I cry at ever stupid movie. I even cried watching House the other day.... pathetic.
"I love you. You are so much more to me than my best friend. I love that I can just talk to you about anything."
Just one of many things that was said to me Friday night.
"I feel like dating you just pushes you away, because I always do and say the wrong thing, and I'm sorry. I'd rather love you, and have you as my friend forever, then love you and lose you completely."
I am so, dramatically in love with that boy. Somehow, we just get each other. The same way Marybeth and I get each other.
There comes a point where you know a person so well that if you were to suddenly switch bodies (Freaky Friday style) you could legitimately pull it off. And I guess that's where we are, because we know everything about each other. The only problem Mary and I would have with doing that is Nick. Because there is no way in hell I could (or would) be able to convince him I was Mary.
Just one of many things that was said to me Friday night.
"I feel like dating you just pushes you away, because I always do and say the wrong thing, and I'm sorry. I'd rather love you, and have you as my friend forever, then love you and lose you completely."
I am so, dramatically in love with that boy. Somehow, we just get each other. The same way Marybeth and I get each other.
There comes a point where you know a person so well that if you were to suddenly switch bodies (Freaky Friday style) you could legitimately pull it off. And I guess that's where we are, because we know everything about each other. The only problem Mary and I would have with doing that is Nick. Because there is no way in hell I could (or would) be able to convince him I was Mary.
Surrender...surrender...but don't give your self away...
Just for the record, I was listening to Cheap Trick before you started playing Guitar Hero. Gah how I kinda hate that game. Like, yeah, it's so fun, but at the same time if you happen to enjoy ANY of the bands it features people (mostly boys) assume it is because you have played that game and not because you had all of their cds when you were 13.
What the fuck ever.
A few things have been going on in my world, I will share, and then I can no longer put off making my phone call to Cindy.
First is I found THE BEST website on the web. I don't even want to share it, I love it so much, but I will because I know when Cindy see's it she will think I am insane in the membrane. It's called bluefly.com, and it has all the designers that you can think of listed on it, and a lot of their clothing. Now I'm not saying I've bought things from them (I have)...wait...no, yes I am.
Why the hell not? Right now they are HAVING A SALE (I about pooped myself), so I bought a few things that were cheaper, and I'm pretty excited. Mostly I have to kind of browse and wish I had six hundred dollars to lay down on a pair of shoes.
Nick doesn't get why I bought a pair of sixty dollar shoes that are originally two hundred and think it's a steal (because it is).He thinks that if designer Jimmy Choos are on sale for sixty dollar I should go and try and find the generic version anyway for ten bucks, which makes no sense, because then when someone compliments my shoes I can't say, "Oh these? Yeah they ARE by Kate Spade, thanks for asking. Five hundred dollars. Yeah, awesome, I know," even though I only paid sixty bucks. Freakin' sweet.
I am a little irked about the bags. I totally want one, but I am not rich, so I can't justify dropping two hundred dollars on one.
Bleh, I have talked waay to much about clothing.
NEXT ITEM OF BUISSNESS.
Nick. My little red haired boyfriend who snores when he sleeps. I'm kinda fond of him (okay, a lot.) And recently, his orange skinned, slutty ex-girlfriend has come back into his life by talking to him, and I, as a female who has played games with boys before, am on red alert (although I have relaxed a bit).
Now, I know I shouldn't be threatened, and here are some reasons why (although, logically I know this, illogically I still am concerned):
A. She is gradutating. From beauty school.
B. She has that black colored hair, y'know what I'm taking about Cindy? With the blonde streaks?
C. Orange skin= too much tanning.
D. Her profile picture is of her. In a bikini.
E. She works at Hooters.
Any one of those reasons are good enough to make normal people think, why the fuck would he want that unless he was drunk and wanted to have some sex. Or a booty call? Because normal men, as far as I can tell, don't like chicks like that. College frat boys do.
Meanwhile I am getting a masters degree in MEDICINE. I have a little yellow dog (who is sooo whiney right now!) named Colbie. My hair is normal color of red, and my skin doesn't make me look like an oompa loompa, and I'm about to start working in labor and delivery at the hospital.
So, clearly, and logically, why would he pick he one night stand that cheated on him, maybe with more than one dude, over the marriage material girlfriend? Answer, he wouldn't.
And yet, and I am still concerned, because what buissness does she have talking to him? I'll tell you why, because she wants him to want her back. I'm not saying she would TAKE him back (Nick is not her type. He doesn't even drink, and hates people who tan). Nick says she has daddy issue, which just fucking figures. It's always the girls WHO HAVE daddys, who have the issues, and so she looks for love in other places, like drunk men who want to cum on her face or whatever.
But she's saying things like, "oh, I saw Haylie at blockbuster and blah blah blah," and I want to hit her so hard for even saying Haylie's name. Haylie, Skylar, and Kendall (who is getting old enough to play with me, yay!), are Nicks cousins, I think six, four, and seven months, respectively, and when they come over, the only thing they (minus Kendall, she wants to drool) want to do is play princess with me. I am the first person they acknowledge when they walk through the front door, and that is just fine with me, I love kids, and I love them. Over the summer we took them to the zoo, all sorts of fun things. I went to Haylies tea party...fun times.
Anyway, so know she's saying crap like that, and then he comments on her family, and next think I know she's remincissing with him on the good ol days (when she was fucking other dudes. Remember that? Hahah, fun times!), and she misses him, and then he is fucking confused.
On the one hand, he was with her for four years, and probably is still in love with her in his own little way. Kind of the way I will always love Finan, and Cindy will always love Garry/Will/Chris (not all three, I'm just not sure who you will always love).
So then he's meeting up with her and talking with her, and she has no interest in actually being with him, but has no problem stringing him along, like she did last time, because she likes the attention.
Meanwhile, IF this ever happens, I will be long gone, because I will not put myself through that kind of abuse again, dating a guy who wants another girl.
Maybe that's why I'm so afraid, and with Nick I have nothing to worry about, but I do. Because while I dated Finan he was messing around with dudes, and writing Sarah letters telling her how much he loved her, and thought about her while he was with me.
And I cannot do that again. Last time I just pretened like it wasn't happening because he told me he loved me, and that was the truth, right? He wouldn't say that if he didn't, would he? And when he said he actually didn't love me, and we should break up, my self esteem took a huge hit, and it took months for me to like myself again.
So I can't do that again. I'm not saying I'm afraid, or anything gay like that, I'm saying that IF I find out that he is playing her little game, and lets his mind wander even for a second, it will hurt me, but I will leave. That simple. Then he can wander what life would have been like if he just deleted all her messages and text messages and just forgot about her.
Anyway, I'm done now.
-Embee
What the fuck ever.
A few things have been going on in my world, I will share, and then I can no longer put off making my phone call to Cindy.
First is I found THE BEST website on the web. I don't even want to share it, I love it so much, but I will because I know when Cindy see's it she will think I am insane in the membrane. It's called bluefly.com, and it has all the designers that you can think of listed on it, and a lot of their clothing. Now I'm not saying I've bought things from them (I have)...wait...no, yes I am.
Why the hell not? Right now they are HAVING A SALE (I about pooped myself), so I bought a few things that were cheaper, and I'm pretty excited. Mostly I have to kind of browse and wish I had six hundred dollars to lay down on a pair of shoes.
Nick doesn't get why I bought a pair of sixty dollar shoes that are originally two hundred and think it's a steal (because it is).He thinks that if designer Jimmy Choos are on sale for sixty dollar I should go and try and find the generic version anyway for ten bucks, which makes no sense, because then when someone compliments my shoes I can't say, "Oh these? Yeah they ARE by Kate Spade, thanks for asking. Five hundred dollars. Yeah, awesome, I know," even though I only paid sixty bucks. Freakin' sweet.
I am a little irked about the bags. I totally want one, but I am not rich, so I can't justify dropping two hundred dollars on one.
Bleh, I have talked waay to much about clothing.
NEXT ITEM OF BUISSNESS.
Nick. My little red haired boyfriend who snores when he sleeps. I'm kinda fond of him (okay, a lot.) And recently, his orange skinned, slutty ex-girlfriend has come back into his life by talking to him, and I, as a female who has played games with boys before, am on red alert (although I have relaxed a bit).
Now, I know I shouldn't be threatened, and here are some reasons why (although, logically I know this, illogically I still am concerned):
A. She is gradutating. From beauty school.
B. She has that black colored hair, y'know what I'm taking about Cindy? With the blonde streaks?
C. Orange skin= too much tanning.
D. Her profile picture is of her. In a bikini.
E. She works at Hooters.
Any one of those reasons are good enough to make normal people think, why the fuck would he want that unless he was drunk and wanted to have some sex. Or a booty call? Because normal men, as far as I can tell, don't like chicks like that. College frat boys do.
Meanwhile I am getting a masters degree in MEDICINE. I have a little yellow dog (who is sooo whiney right now!) named Colbie. My hair is normal color of red, and my skin doesn't make me look like an oompa loompa, and I'm about to start working in labor and delivery at the hospital.
So, clearly, and logically, why would he pick he one night stand that cheated on him, maybe with more than one dude, over the marriage material girlfriend? Answer, he wouldn't.
And yet, and I am still concerned, because what buissness does she have talking to him? I'll tell you why, because she wants him to want her back. I'm not saying she would TAKE him back (Nick is not her type. He doesn't even drink, and hates people who tan). Nick says she has daddy issue, which just fucking figures. It's always the girls WHO HAVE daddys, who have the issues, and so she looks for love in other places, like drunk men who want to cum on her face or whatever.
But she's saying things like, "oh, I saw Haylie at blockbuster and blah blah blah," and I want to hit her so hard for even saying Haylie's name. Haylie, Skylar, and Kendall (who is getting old enough to play with me, yay!), are Nicks cousins, I think six, four, and seven months, respectively, and when they come over, the only thing they (minus Kendall, she wants to drool) want to do is play princess with me. I am the first person they acknowledge when they walk through the front door, and that is just fine with me, I love kids, and I love them. Over the summer we took them to the zoo, all sorts of fun things. I went to Haylies tea party...fun times.
Anyway, so know she's saying crap like that, and then he comments on her family, and next think I know she's remincissing with him on the good ol days (when she was fucking other dudes. Remember that? Hahah, fun times!), and she misses him, and then he is fucking confused.
On the one hand, he was with her for four years, and probably is still in love with her in his own little way. Kind of the way I will always love Finan, and Cindy will always love Garry/Will/Chris (not all three, I'm just not sure who you will always love).
So then he's meeting up with her and talking with her, and she has no interest in actually being with him, but has no problem stringing him along, like she did last time, because she likes the attention.
Meanwhile, IF this ever happens, I will be long gone, because I will not put myself through that kind of abuse again, dating a guy who wants another girl.
Maybe that's why I'm so afraid, and with Nick I have nothing to worry about, but I do. Because while I dated Finan he was messing around with dudes, and writing Sarah letters telling her how much he loved her, and thought about her while he was with me.
And I cannot do that again. Last time I just pretened like it wasn't happening because he told me he loved me, and that was the truth, right? He wouldn't say that if he didn't, would he? And when he said he actually didn't love me, and we should break up, my self esteem took a huge hit, and it took months for me to like myself again.
So I can't do that again. I'm not saying I'm afraid, or anything gay like that, I'm saying that IF I find out that he is playing her little game, and lets his mind wander even for a second, it will hurt me, but I will leave. That simple. Then he can wander what life would have been like if he just deleted all her messages and text messages and just forgot about her.
Anyway, I'm done now.
-Embee
I was going to delete that last one since I wrote it when I was plastered...
But that would just be no fun :)
So, fuck everyone who doesn't think I'm awesome. Because I am, just incase you hadn't heard.
I'm fucking awesome. And I wouldn't change a damn thing about myself, even if it meant that I wouldn't be treated like that last night.
You are a disgusting human being. And you should consider yourself lucky that your lips ever touched mine. Because, had I known, you'd never have gotten within arms reach of me. But I thought you were a nice guy. My bad. No big deal though. I know now, before anything else happened. And I already know what I'm going to say to you, if you try to explain, justify, or apologize tonight. "You were drunk and stupid. I get it." and that will be the last I speak to you about anything but class (incase that's every necessary) because you are simply not worth my time or breath.
And this is not written with resentment. It's more like a proud declaration, that I don't need anyone to tell me I'm perfect.
Because I am a perfect me. There's no way to not be.
So, fuck everyone who doesn't think I'm awesome. Because I am, just incase you hadn't heard.
I'm fucking awesome. And I wouldn't change a damn thing about myself, even if it meant that I wouldn't be treated like that last night.
You are a disgusting human being. And you should consider yourself lucky that your lips ever touched mine. Because, had I known, you'd never have gotten within arms reach of me. But I thought you were a nice guy. My bad. No big deal though. I know now, before anything else happened. And I already know what I'm going to say to you, if you try to explain, justify, or apologize tonight. "You were drunk and stupid. I get it." and that will be the last I speak to you about anything but class (incase that's every necessary) because you are simply not worth my time or breath.
And this is not written with resentment. It's more like a proud declaration, that I don't need anyone to tell me I'm perfect.
Because I am a perfect me. There's no way to not be.
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE
FUCK YOU and everyone who associates with you!
Stay the fuck away from Justin Sextro, ladies. BAD NEWS! very bad.
Fuck you. I can't believe I had even the vaguest interest in you, you scum bag jack ass!
OIEJFOIWECNOFEWIOFOIE!!! I'm so fucking mad.
Stay the fuck away from Justin Sextro, ladies. BAD NEWS! very bad.
Fuck you. I can't believe I had even the vaguest interest in you, you scum bag jack ass!
OIEJFOIWECNOFEWIOFOIE!!! I'm so fucking mad.
Friday, February 13, 2009
It's always been about sex...
So, I've done a lot of pondering today, and come to few conclusions, but the purpose of my pondering wasn't to come to conclusions anyway, rather to come to realizing the questions. That's what stage I'm at in my new outlook on this stupid stupid world.
First of all, I'm going to take the feminist podium here for a second. I wouldn't really call my stances feminist, though. Because I'm not all about the empowerment of the female, I'm all about the un-necessity of sex-to-gender identification. ......
What is it that I've done in my life that has earned me free meals, doors to be opened for me, to go first when in the presence of men, or any other "special" treatment. Answer: Not a damn thing.... but THIS is what society (whether you realize it or not) has led us to believe:
Women are treated like angles by Men who admire them, because women can GIVE Men Sex. It's established by society that women do not "desire" sex like men do, but, rather, grant this to men that they deem worthy (Through have emotions for the Man, Acts of kindness by the Man, or payment from the Man.) "Smart" Women will use this notion as a tool, to get what they want AND what they want (if you catch my drift) because let's be honest ladies, we sleep with people because we WANT to sleep with them (This is obviously excluding rape) and if you don't, then you fall into the next category of "Stupid" Women, who have been trained that at a given point Men DESERVE Sex. I have actually fallen prey to this unfortunate state of mind (though not recently)
There was a day when an "ideal woman" was a homemaker, a "Betty Crocker" if you will. Voluptuous women who cook, clean house, and make babies. This of course jump-started feminism, because it's unfair. Now women are depicted as ideal if they are "Thin, sexy, and easy, but somehow not a slut." This is even more deteriorating (if not more) to the female self-image, because we constantly fight who we are (to the point of not even knowing anymore) so that we can be accepted by society.
It's ridiculous that we base what we "expect people to be" on what "most people are." Because "what people are" is so... what's the word... flexible, perhaps. If 99% of people were schizophrenic would we medicate and hospitalize those who weren't? There's no easy way to answer, but based on the typical actions of society throughout history, the answer is likely a resounding yes. If woman had historically been in power, would not our religions and laws be based upon "traditions" of a female superiority? Why, when giving birth to a child, is the first thing a doctor will say is "It's a girl/boy" as though this were some defining factor for the rest of the child's life, the most important, if you will, "path" that that being will walk upon, as it starts of a series of determining factors and biased based choices and occurrences that will affect the child dramatically for their entire life. Are there differences between female and male? yes, physically, there are, and by "physically" I am encompassing within that, the hormone and neurological differences between sexes. Are there difference between the genders Man and Woman? Yes, there are a set of socially established characteristics and roles that have been associated with one of two genders, but why, in this age of such "enlightened" human beings, must these be linked at all with the biological sex of a person?
We make judgments on people based on social standards to which they do or do not conform, but rarely take into account that they may or may not be consciously making the choice to conform, whether because of ignorance or uncontrollability. And even if they are actively participating in something considered a conformity, as most things are in someway, why must this define a person? Should we not be who we perceive ourselves over who society perceives us as? It's no wonder so many have trouble developing a self-identity, self-worth, and self-esteem, when any decision associated with identity must be made while taking into account the societal impact and view on said decision.
When looking at someone dressed entirely in black clothing, make-up, and accessories, one may make the assumption that this person is depressed, rebellious, deviant, or other established social stereotypes with the color, and, having made this assumption, would never know that the person is actually quite laid-back, respectable, and happy-go-lucky.
When seeing a girl/woman dressed in "cute" clothing (sundress, pink, etc) one may assume that she is a "girly-girl" and thus conforms to that persona in all other aspects of life, and would never have the suspicion that she spends her weekends playing DnD, Halo3, and watching Sci-fi, or sports with "The Guys"
Upon hearing that someone has "Come out of the closet" people may make the assumption that this person has taken on the identity of the gender opposite of the one traditionally attached to their sex, when they very easily could be the most masculine or feminine person you know.
It's disappointing that, in a society so developed and so progressive, people can not just accept the identities of others, whether or not they are in compliance with the "average." Because, no one fits the average in every aspect, and why should we? Why are we dissected and critique by society through are differences as though they are deficiencies?
Another thing, vaguely related is the born-in identity and pride with a certain group by those without the experience to which the group to form around.
Why... WHY do people take pride in their heritage as though they are themselves a member of that society and culture. Taking an interested in heritage is totally acceptable, because learning how you came to be (and learning in general) is something that builds us as entities of intellectuality. But to take identity with a group that you don't environmentally have association with, being the Nationality of your ancestors, is completely ridiculous. Please be aware that I am speaking strictly of developing an identity based on these things. I am NOT talking (in a round about way) about things like Affirmative Action that are in place to make amends for past injustices. I am referring to people saying things like "I'm Irish, of course I like to drink." First, you're making a stereotype about the group you are trying to identify with that is, in many circumstances, not a good one. Second, you are not Irish. Your great-grandmother may have been. Hell, maybe even your parents were, but if you were born and raised in America... guess what. You're American, mother fucker. Have some pride in your own country. Or, people who speak in a dialect, not because they grew up in an area were the dialect is common, but rather because they have the same heritage as people who live in that area. You don't see people with French ancestry, who don't live in Louisiana, speak Creole. So, why is it that a black young man, living in the suburbs or rural area, will speak in "Ebonics" as though he grew up in the Ghetto?
Oh, yes. I have touch on the delicate subject of race, though, I think I have done a fine job of not holding any oppinions that would even maybe be construed as "racist." If you're offended, then it's because you are one of the people I'm talking about.
I'll write more later. I've gotta go play some DnD.
First of all, I'm going to take the feminist podium here for a second. I wouldn't really call my stances feminist, though. Because I'm not all about the empowerment of the female, I'm all about the un-necessity of sex-to-gender identification. ......
What is it that I've done in my life that has earned me free meals, doors to be opened for me, to go first when in the presence of men, or any other "special" treatment. Answer: Not a damn thing.... but THIS is what society (whether you realize it or not) has led us to believe:
Women are treated like angles by Men who admire them, because women can GIVE Men Sex. It's established by society that women do not "desire" sex like men do, but, rather, grant this to men that they deem worthy (Through have emotions for the Man, Acts of kindness by the Man, or payment from the Man.) "Smart" Women will use this notion as a tool, to get what they want AND what they want (if you catch my drift) because let's be honest ladies, we sleep with people because we WANT to sleep with them (This is obviously excluding rape) and if you don't, then you fall into the next category of "Stupid" Women, who have been trained that at a given point Men DESERVE Sex. I have actually fallen prey to this unfortunate state of mind (though not recently)
There was a day when an "ideal woman" was a homemaker, a "Betty Crocker" if you will. Voluptuous women who cook, clean house, and make babies. This of course jump-started feminism, because it's unfair. Now women are depicted as ideal if they are "Thin, sexy, and easy, but somehow not a slut." This is even more deteriorating (if not more) to the female self-image, because we constantly fight who we are (to the point of not even knowing anymore) so that we can be accepted by society.
It's ridiculous that we base what we "expect people to be" on what "most people are." Because "what people are" is so... what's the word... flexible, perhaps. If 99% of people were schizophrenic would we medicate and hospitalize those who weren't? There's no easy way to answer, but based on the typical actions of society throughout history, the answer is likely a resounding yes. If woman had historically been in power, would not our religions and laws be based upon "traditions" of a female superiority? Why, when giving birth to a child, is the first thing a doctor will say is "It's a girl/boy" as though this were some defining factor for the rest of the child's life, the most important, if you will, "path" that that being will walk upon, as it starts of a series of determining factors and biased based choices and occurrences that will affect the child dramatically for their entire life. Are there differences between female and male? yes, physically, there are, and by "physically" I am encompassing within that, the hormone and neurological differences between sexes. Are there difference between the genders Man and Woman? Yes, there are a set of socially established characteristics and roles that have been associated with one of two genders, but why, in this age of such "enlightened" human beings, must these be linked at all with the biological sex of a person?
We make judgments on people based on social standards to which they do or do not conform, but rarely take into account that they may or may not be consciously making the choice to conform, whether because of ignorance or uncontrollability. And even if they are actively participating in something considered a conformity, as most things are in someway, why must this define a person? Should we not be who we perceive ourselves over who society perceives us as? It's no wonder so many have trouble developing a self-identity, self-worth, and self-esteem, when any decision associated with identity must be made while taking into account the societal impact and view on said decision.
When looking at someone dressed entirely in black clothing, make-up, and accessories, one may make the assumption that this person is depressed, rebellious, deviant, or other established social stereotypes with the color, and, having made this assumption, would never know that the person is actually quite laid-back, respectable, and happy-go-lucky.
When seeing a girl/woman dressed in "cute" clothing (sundress, pink, etc) one may assume that she is a "girly-girl" and thus conforms to that persona in all other aspects of life, and would never have the suspicion that she spends her weekends playing DnD, Halo3, and watching Sci-fi, or sports with "The Guys"
Upon hearing that someone has "Come out of the closet" people may make the assumption that this person has taken on the identity of the gender opposite of the one traditionally attached to their sex, when they very easily could be the most masculine or feminine person you know.
It's disappointing that, in a society so developed and so progressive, people can not just accept the identities of others, whether or not they are in compliance with the "average." Because, no one fits the average in every aspect, and why should we? Why are we dissected and critique by society through are differences as though they are deficiencies?
Another thing, vaguely related is the born-in identity and pride with a certain group by those without the experience to which the group to form around.
Why... WHY do people take pride in their heritage as though they are themselves a member of that society and culture. Taking an interested in heritage is totally acceptable, because learning how you came to be (and learning in general) is something that builds us as entities of intellectuality. But to take identity with a group that you don't environmentally have association with, being the Nationality of your ancestors, is completely ridiculous. Please be aware that I am speaking strictly of developing an identity based on these things. I am NOT talking (in a round about way) about things like Affirmative Action that are in place to make amends for past injustices. I am referring to people saying things like "I'm Irish, of course I like to drink." First, you're making a stereotype about the group you are trying to identify with that is, in many circumstances, not a good one. Second, you are not Irish. Your great-grandmother may have been. Hell, maybe even your parents were, but if you were born and raised in America... guess what. You're American, mother fucker. Have some pride in your own country. Or, people who speak in a dialect, not because they grew up in an area were the dialect is common, but rather because they have the same heritage as people who live in that area. You don't see people with French ancestry, who don't live in Louisiana, speak Creole. So, why is it that a black young man, living in the suburbs or rural area, will speak in "Ebonics" as though he grew up in the Ghetto?
Oh, yes. I have touch on the delicate subject of race, though, I think I have done a fine job of not holding any oppinions that would even maybe be construed as "racist." If you're offended, then it's because you are one of the people I'm talking about.
I'll write more later. I've gotta go play some DnD.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Resist!
Someone came into work today in that hat, Cindy. And she was OLD.
Like, super crusty old.
It made me think of you, I hope that's heart warming, and makes you rethink your fashion hats.
Good think she wasn't in that scarf or you would be in trouble!
Hm. I am tired of working out. It sucks so bad, and yet I keep doing it? Why, so I can fit into society's definition of pretty, and also not die of a stroke when I am fifty? Yes.
Here is my thought of the day. People who say they are broken. That another person broke them down. Sometimes I want to shake them, because YOU let a person get so under your skin, you let what they said and tried to do to you into your head, and you began to think, "I am not worth a damn thing." No one broke you, you broke yourself.
Pick yourself up off the floor and do something about it! So what, you were beaten and battered. It's over now, pick yourself up and stand your ground. Don't back down. Don't ever let someone's else poor vision of themselves effect you. KNOW you are better than that.
That's all.
-Embee
Truman: Voted most affordable bullshit of the year for the last who-the-fuck-cares years...
So, Truman does a flat fee for tuition, which means that I pay the same amount if I'm taking 12 hours as I do if I'm taking 17... which is there way of tricking you into the suicide of taking 17 hours a semester, which I am doing (Because I'm paying for it anyway, and because it's the only way to graduate on time) ALTHOUGH, starting next semester they are proposing to charge an extra $33 per credit hour, because they don't have enough of my soul already.
Tuition: $6,458
Room&Board: $6,490
Books: about $1,500 per year
Freshman Orientation: $305 (first semester only)
Activities Fee: $82/year (What is that?)
Athletic Fee: $100/year (Even though I pay no sports)
Music Fee: $50/semester
Music CD Fee: $25/semester (Have yet to meet anyone who knows what THIS is)
Health Services: $52/year
Parking: $50/year
That comes to about... let's see... 3229 3245 750 41 50 50 25 26 25= 7441
$7,441 per semester (Completely excluding the freshman fee)
Now let's take a look at my "Financial Aid" or as I'd like to call it, "the least amount of money Truman can get away with giving you."
Grant: Missouri Access for $625/semester
Truman Service Scholarship: $420/ semester (Which by the way, I have to work for the school to get this... which ends up being less than minimum wage, so pretty much truman works on slave labor.)
that's it. That's all the "free money" I get. I also have loans of course, some of which gain interest, some of which do not. Those eventually have to paid though, so, even though the bitch school makes me write them on my tax returns like they are the same as Scholarships because everyone wants to screw the little guy, they are not money from no where. They are money from the poor, homeless, uninsured, unemployed, future me.
As a grand total, that means I am paying $51,473 for school.... out of my ass. Because I can't get a job, because the school has me slave laboring for them. That's also not including the summer school I HAVE to take in order to graduate on time which costs about.... I'm having some trouble finding it because Truman's search engine fails at life.
*chuckles* Well, fuck Truman. While trying to find the cost of summer courses (something they apparently keep hidden well within a big vault somewhere, guarded by a cerberus, a chimera, and a liger (god, I can't believe I just made that joke) I did discover something interesting. It's a business report. Truman recently revised and raised prices for summer course because, and I quote, "Though summer classes do seem to pay for themselves [meaning that students pay enough that the budget evens out pretty nicely with a little more money than they need to run the sessions--$154, 253 to be exact], they are not good revenue producers" What does that mean? It means Truman wasn't MAKING enough PROFIT off of it's poor unaware students.
A letter I wish I could write to Truman's Executive Board:
________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Fuckers,
I want my fucking money back. I'm not paying you back, because I don't owe you shit, you cock-sucking, mother fucking, dick weed, asshole, bags of shit.
Fuck you, and your mothers,
Cynthia
__________________________________________________________________________________
Anyway, I'm probably looking at a life on the streets playing a two string guitar for pennies and cocaine.
Tuition: $6,458
Room&Board: $6,490
Books: about $1,500 per year
Freshman Orientation: $305 (first semester only)
Activities Fee: $82/year (What is that?)
Athletic Fee: $100/year (Even though I pay no sports)
Music Fee: $50/semester
Music CD Fee: $25/semester (Have yet to meet anyone who knows what THIS is)
Health Services: $52/year
Parking: $50/year
That comes to about... let's see... 3229 3245 750 41 50 50 25 26 25= 7441
$7,441 per semester (Completely excluding the freshman fee)
Now let's take a look at my "Financial Aid" or as I'd like to call it, "the least amount of money Truman can get away with giving you."
Grant: Missouri Access for $625/semester
Truman Service Scholarship: $420/ semester (Which by the way, I have to work for the school to get this... which ends up being less than minimum wage, so pretty much truman works on slave labor.)
that's it. That's all the "free money" I get. I also have loans of course, some of which gain interest, some of which do not. Those eventually have to paid though, so, even though the bitch school makes me write them on my tax returns like they are the same as Scholarships because everyone wants to screw the little guy, they are not money from no where. They are money from the poor, homeless, uninsured, unemployed, future me.
As a grand total, that means I am paying $51,473 for school.... out of my ass. Because I can't get a job, because the school has me slave laboring for them. That's also not including the summer school I HAVE to take in order to graduate on time which costs about.... I'm having some trouble finding it because Truman's search engine fails at life.
*chuckles* Well, fuck Truman. While trying to find the cost of summer courses (something they apparently keep hidden well within a big vault somewhere, guarded by a cerberus, a chimera, and a liger (god, I can't believe I just made that joke) I did discover something interesting. It's a business report. Truman recently revised and raised prices for summer course because, and I quote, "Though summer classes do seem to pay for themselves [meaning that students pay enough that the budget evens out pretty nicely with a little more money than they need to run the sessions--$154, 253 to be exact], they are not good revenue producers" What does that mean? It means Truman wasn't MAKING enough PROFIT off of it's poor unaware students.
A letter I wish I could write to Truman's Executive Board:
________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Fuckers,
I want my fucking money back. I'm not paying you back, because I don't owe you shit, you cock-sucking, mother fucking, dick weed, asshole, bags of shit.
Fuck you, and your mothers,
Cynthia
__________________________________________________________________________________
Anyway, I'm probably looking at a life on the streets playing a two string guitar for pennies and cocaine.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Fucking damn it all
Sometimes I guess I have to admit that I am upset, and stop hiding behind all the sarcasm and "yeah it doesn't bother me"'s.
Just, everything is so fucked. I have no financial aid because I went to MO state for that semester and still owe them money, which okay, that's fine.
Except school costs more money than anything ever should. 112 dollars a credit hour? Are you kidding me? Sign me up for one credit hour then.
Plus books and labs and fees and other shit, my tuition for the next year costs about..hold on, let me break it down. Maybe someone from the government will see this and realize how FUCKED it is for any normal person without a rich daddy to have a fucking education.
3000.00 Tuition per term
75.00 Fee (fee for what? It doesn't fucking say)
2150.00 (estimated books and supplies for entire program)
GRAND TOTAL = 20250.00
This is an accelerated course, so I would have my bachelors by May 2010 if I start in March (which I want to), and then its three years to the Masters.
Now, that's all fine and dandy, but where the hell do I get 20250?! I make $7.05 an hour at Office Depot, and if I'm lucky I get 32 hours a week. And when school starts theres no way I will be able to work 32 hours and maintain a GPA above a .004. And I can take out loans, except I need a cosigner and now my mother is all like, "Well...if you don't pay they go after me, so....I don't know...can I think about it?" NO YOU CAN'T BLOODY THINK ABOUT IT! You can shell out all sorts of shit tons of money for Amanda to be perpetually drunk and high for a semester at SEMO, but you can't COSIGN ON A FUCKING LOAN?!
AH. I'm, I'm just so mad, and so upset because I don't know how to fucking do this without some sort of help. Financial Aid, forget about it, and of course I'm going to apply for grants and school loans, and hope that it helps, and probably do work study as well, but I have to come up with whatever that doesn't cost myself.
And I will never understand why a TEXTBOOK costs me almost SEVENTY GODDAMN DOLLARS, and why teachers require you have the brand new one that just came out, so you can't buy it used, plus you have to buy all your own lab equipment. What the fuck do you mean, buy all my own lab shit. ISNT THAT WHY IM PAYING 20000 DOLLARS A TERM, SO YOU HAVE LAB SHIT IN THE GODDAMN LAB FOR ME TO USE?!?
And then mom wants to say, "Please, booboo, don't cry, we have time to figure this out." No, I don't. I am twenty, and would like to have my RN before I am thirty. I'm supposed to start in March, not whenever the hell you feel like it.
So okay, that's school.
Then, right before she hangs up the phone with me she askes, "Did you take off the 27th?" Yeah, I took off the 27th, even though I told you I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go to the first two trials.
My dad's trials. The last time I remember talking to me I was five. The first time he was in my room saying, "You can trust me," and the second time was in the driveway saying, "I'll buy you a new snow globe, I promise."
Hey, guess which one of those were lies. If you guessed BOTH you would be right. If you added that he never once tried to speak to me, help me in any time, or paid child support in any way, you would have been right too.
The 27th is his last trial before they cart his ass off to jail, unless he can come up with 100,000 dollars (and then that top part of the blogs stress would be solved), in which case he gets a slap on the wrist and is free to go back to being a fishermen in Oregon.
Anyway, the first one I went to was more of a hearing. I guess both times were hearings, and this last one was a trial, but he walked up to my mom and said, "It's just a hearing Susan."
And she said, "I know."
And then he looked at me, and said, "Is this Amanda?"
And I said, "No." And I died a little on the inside. I mean, I guess a part of me was hoping that he would look at me and AT LEAST know who I was.
So, no, I don't want to go anymore, and look at the man who has no idea who I am, or anything about me. Just because we have the same eye shape and color, are the same height, have the same nose, and both play with our hands behind our backs when nervous does not mean anything apparently.
Sperm doner.
I'm being pathetic. Sorry, I'm done.
Just, everything is so fucked. I have no financial aid because I went to MO state for that semester and still owe them money, which okay, that's fine.
Except school costs more money than anything ever should. 112 dollars a credit hour? Are you kidding me? Sign me up for one credit hour then.
Plus books and labs and fees and other shit, my tuition for the next year costs about..hold on, let me break it down. Maybe someone from the government will see this and realize how FUCKED it is for any normal person without a rich daddy to have a fucking education.
3000.00 Tuition per term
75.00 Fee (fee for what? It doesn't fucking say)
2150.00 (estimated books and supplies for entire program)
GRAND TOTAL = 20250.00
This is an accelerated course, so I would have my bachelors by May 2010 if I start in March (which I want to), and then its three years to the Masters.
Now, that's all fine and dandy, but where the hell do I get 20250?! I make $7.05 an hour at Office Depot, and if I'm lucky I get 32 hours a week. And when school starts theres no way I will be able to work 32 hours and maintain a GPA above a .004. And I can take out loans, except I need a cosigner and now my mother is all like, "Well...if you don't pay they go after me, so....I don't know...can I think about it?" NO YOU CAN'T BLOODY THINK ABOUT IT! You can shell out all sorts of shit tons of money for Amanda to be perpetually drunk and high for a semester at SEMO, but you can't COSIGN ON A FUCKING LOAN?!
AH. I'm, I'm just so mad, and so upset because I don't know how to fucking do this without some sort of help. Financial Aid, forget about it, and of course I'm going to apply for grants and school loans, and hope that it helps, and probably do work study as well, but I have to come up with whatever that doesn't cost myself.
And I will never understand why a TEXTBOOK costs me almost SEVENTY GODDAMN DOLLARS, and why teachers require you have the brand new one that just came out, so you can't buy it used, plus you have to buy all your own lab equipment. What the fuck do you mean, buy all my own lab shit. ISNT THAT WHY IM PAYING 20000 DOLLARS A TERM, SO YOU HAVE LAB SHIT IN THE GODDAMN LAB FOR ME TO USE?!?
And then mom wants to say, "Please, booboo, don't cry, we have time to figure this out." No, I don't. I am twenty, and would like to have my RN before I am thirty. I'm supposed to start in March, not whenever the hell you feel like it.
So okay, that's school.
Then, right before she hangs up the phone with me she askes, "Did you take off the 27th?" Yeah, I took off the 27th, even though I told you I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go to the first two trials.
My dad's trials. The last time I remember talking to me I was five. The first time he was in my room saying, "You can trust me," and the second time was in the driveway saying, "I'll buy you a new snow globe, I promise."
Hey, guess which one of those were lies. If you guessed BOTH you would be right. If you added that he never once tried to speak to me, help me in any time, or paid child support in any way, you would have been right too.
The 27th is his last trial before they cart his ass off to jail, unless he can come up with 100,000 dollars (and then that top part of the blogs stress would be solved), in which case he gets a slap on the wrist and is free to go back to being a fishermen in Oregon.
Anyway, the first one I went to was more of a hearing. I guess both times were hearings, and this last one was a trial, but he walked up to my mom and said, "It's just a hearing Susan."
And she said, "I know."
And then he looked at me, and said, "Is this Amanda?"
And I said, "No." And I died a little on the inside. I mean, I guess a part of me was hoping that he would look at me and AT LEAST know who I was.
So, no, I don't want to go anymore, and look at the man who has no idea who I am, or anything about me. Just because we have the same eye shape and color, are the same height, have the same nose, and both play with our hands behind our backs when nervous does not mean anything apparently.
Sperm doner.
I'm being pathetic. Sorry, I'm done.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Imagine me and you, and you and me, so HAPPY together...
This is me holding you in my arms and telling you that I love you, Cindy.
"I love you."
I might whisper, "take off your pants," after that, but this blog is not X rated, so you'll just have to fill in the blanks.
Mmm, so some good news. I may be getting a job at the hospital...! I know, right? I'm all giggly and bouncy and shit, too. I will be way too excited all the time, which could be good, or destructive, who knows?
Trying to figure out where to live, don't really have anywhere in mind, everything is expensive, and I have bad credit (who doesn't these days?)
Cindy convinced me not to see He's Just Not That Into You. Which is a bummer because I was going to see it. I'm really excited for Confessions of A Shopaholic, that comes out Friday. I have read all the books, Becky Bloomwood (nee Brandon, as she likes to say) is my personal hero. Or one of them
Work tonight sucked so much balls. We were slow around six, so I assumed I would have plenty of time to get my stuff done before we closed, so I didn't rush. Read about getting perfect abs and what not. And then we were slammed! Drawers didn't get counted down until nine! (when we closed).
It was awful, and then, I'm dead tired and just want to sleep, but Colbie needs her nightly walk. She hasn't been eating lately, so Nick and I have been taking her on these long, three mile walks to wear her down, so she sleeps all night, and is so hungry she'd eat a baby bear. Right now she's passed out on my jeans. Nice, Colbie.
Dexter update! Does anyone else thing Miguel Prado has somethings up his sleeve? Seriously, no one is THAT COOL when they learn their best friend is actually a serial killer.
Just wait until he finds out Dexter actually killed his brother, and not Freebo like everyone thinks. Because Dexter killed Freebo, too. Miguel knows that part though.
Anyway!
Not a lot to report. Nick and I are playing tennis tomorow. I'm not very good, but getting better!
yay!
-Embee
"I love you."
I might whisper, "take off your pants," after that, but this blog is not X rated, so you'll just have to fill in the blanks.
Mmm, so some good news. I may be getting a job at the hospital...! I know, right? I'm all giggly and bouncy and shit, too. I will be way too excited all the time, which could be good, or destructive, who knows?
Trying to figure out where to live, don't really have anywhere in mind, everything is expensive, and I have bad credit (who doesn't these days?)
Cindy convinced me not to see He's Just Not That Into You. Which is a bummer because I was going to see it. I'm really excited for Confessions of A Shopaholic, that comes out Friday. I have read all the books, Becky Bloomwood (nee Brandon, as she likes to say) is my personal hero. Or one of them
Work tonight sucked so much balls. We were slow around six, so I assumed I would have plenty of time to get my stuff done before we closed, so I didn't rush. Read about getting perfect abs and what not. And then we were slammed! Drawers didn't get counted down until nine! (when we closed).
It was awful, and then, I'm dead tired and just want to sleep, but Colbie needs her nightly walk. She hasn't been eating lately, so Nick and I have been taking her on these long, three mile walks to wear her down, so she sleeps all night, and is so hungry she'd eat a baby bear. Right now she's passed out on my jeans. Nice, Colbie.
Dexter update! Does anyone else thing Miguel Prado has somethings up his sleeve? Seriously, no one is THAT COOL when they learn their best friend is actually a serial killer.
Just wait until he finds out Dexter actually killed his brother, and not Freebo like everyone thinks. Because Dexter killed Freebo, too. Miguel knows that part though.
Anyway!
Not a lot to report. Nick and I are playing tennis tomorow. I'm not very good, but getting better!
yay!
-Embee
Dumb Bitches
I hate them.
Conversation in Theory and Literature this morning: Is the authors intention, the text itself, or the readers interpretation most important part of a piece of literature?
Now, I'm not going into the actual debate because it is undeterminable and strictly to your own opinion. However, I am going to tell you a brief little tale about a girl in my class who A. never grasps concepts, B. Never understands anything anyone says, C. Constantly misinterprets things, D. HAS TO RAISE HER HAND AND MAKE THIS ALL INCREDIBLY APPARENT TIME AND TIME AGAIN! Staying silent may make people assume that you are dumb, but this girl opens her mouth and removes all doubt.
The annoying part of it is that she takes up class time trying to understand very simple concepts, and trying to relate things that don't relate like......... Harry Potter Fan Fics. Which brings me to this morning.
Take back into account the original topic of the conversation. She raises her hand, everyone (including the professor) let out a sigh, and this is what she has to say today:
"It's kind of like how JK Rowling meant Dumbledore to be gay, right?"
Teacher: "No."
Mehgan: "Well, but like, Time Magazine had this article about how Dumbledore wasn't gay because it didn't say 'Dumbledore is gay' in any of the novels, but then, like, why would it say that, right? I mean--
Teacher: "Possibly, but what we're really trying to focus on here is the motives, and themes of--
Mehgan: "No, but see, then in most fan fics, Dumbledore is ~clearly~ gay (class snickers). So it's obvious that the readers' interpretations--
Teacher: "Be that as it may, Mehgan, the point of this discussion is not whether the authors intentions hold true, or if people write about how they view a piece. It's much more basic than that. We're simply looking at which view point is more important. All are equally true, that's not the debate.
Mehgan: "But they're not. I mean just because Time Mag--
Teacher: "Please understand that fan fiction will rarely, if ever, apply to this course. You may or may not be right, but you are very much being irrelevant."
....owned, bitch. Shut up and go read some R rated fan fics. Don't sign up for courses you can't handle.
Conversation in Theory and Literature this morning: Is the authors intention, the text itself, or the readers interpretation most important part of a piece of literature?
Now, I'm not going into the actual debate because it is undeterminable and strictly to your own opinion. However, I am going to tell you a brief little tale about a girl in my class who A. never grasps concepts, B. Never understands anything anyone says, C. Constantly misinterprets things, D. HAS TO RAISE HER HAND AND MAKE THIS ALL INCREDIBLY APPARENT TIME AND TIME AGAIN! Staying silent may make people assume that you are dumb, but this girl opens her mouth and removes all doubt.
The annoying part of it is that she takes up class time trying to understand very simple concepts, and trying to relate things that don't relate like......... Harry Potter Fan Fics. Which brings me to this morning.
Take back into account the original topic of the conversation. She raises her hand, everyone (including the professor) let out a sigh, and this is what she has to say today:
"It's kind of like how JK Rowling meant Dumbledore to be gay, right?"
Teacher: "No."
Mehgan: "Well, but like, Time Magazine had this article about how Dumbledore wasn't gay because it didn't say 'Dumbledore is gay' in any of the novels, but then, like, why would it say that, right? I mean--
Teacher: "Possibly, but what we're really trying to focus on here is the motives, and themes of--
Mehgan: "No, but see, then in most fan fics, Dumbledore is ~clearly~ gay (class snickers). So it's obvious that the readers' interpretations--
Teacher: "Be that as it may, Mehgan, the point of this discussion is not whether the authors intentions hold true, or if people write about how they view a piece. It's much more basic than that. We're simply looking at which view point is more important. All are equally true, that's not the debate.
Mehgan: "But they're not. I mean just because Time Mag--
Teacher: "Please understand that fan fiction will rarely, if ever, apply to this course. You may or may not be right, but you are very much being irrelevant."
....owned, bitch. Shut up and go read some R rated fan fics. Don't sign up for courses you can't handle.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
It's like some huge brick of sad hit me in the face tonight. I have no idea why I really feel the way I do, but it makes me want to curl up in a ball on my lofted bed and not come down for month. Hopefully this wont get worse and I will go to class tomorrow. The last thing I need is to take another "I'm too upset to function" day. I have a test at 9:30... fuck me.
I really want to fall in love so bad. I just want to lie in bed in someone's arms and feel safe again. That's what I need right now, tonight. Someone to tell me that it's going to be alright, even if it's not.
I really want to fall in love so bad. I just want to lie in bed in someone's arms and feel safe again. That's what I need right now, tonight. Someone to tell me that it's going to be alright, even if it's not.
Fuck Hollywood...
Well, I saw He's Just Not That Into You tonight... and let me just say... I fucking hate Hollywood, and their "Everyone gets a happy ending" BULLSHIT!!! Have you fuckers even READ the book??!?!?!?!?!??!?! WE ARE THE RULE!!
How dare you make a movie "based on the book" with the message that nearly everyone is actually the exception.
News Flash:
I went there with my friend Dan, who I'm crazy about. Is he into me? No. If I wait around until the "end of the movie" will he suddenly discover that he is? No. So don't make sit through 2 hours of bullshit lies with him, telling me that he will, or probably will. I came back to my room and imed William, who I think I could spend the rest of my life with if I hadn't fucked everything up. Is he into me? No. Does he want me back? No. If I wait around until the "end of the movie" will I find a ring box in the pocket of those stupid fucking kahkis he's always wearing (rain, shine, winter, summer, two feet of snow, two hundred percent humidity) after which he will propose? NO! Will, after both of these let downs, I realize that I really belong with Andrew, and have always wanted that anyway? No. Why? Because I'm just NOT THAT INTO HIM!!!
I'm pretty angry. And pretty depressed.
You know what's making it worse? My whore roommate talking on the phone right behind me with some guy about sex, having sex, where they would have sex, how they want to have sex... it's getting dangerously close to phone sex, people. And the other night, it basically was, except that she wasn't actually touching herself. WTF!?! I'm right fucking here!! Do you not realize how inappropriate this situation is!?
Anyway. I'm pulling an all-nighter, because I saved my shit ton of homework until.... now. 1 am Monday morning.
I really want to throw something.... like a mirror.
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
How dare you make a movie "based on the book" with the message that nearly everyone is actually the exception.
News Flash:
I went there with my friend Dan, who I'm crazy about. Is he into me? No. If I wait around until the "end of the movie" will he suddenly discover that he is? No. So don't make sit through 2 hours of bullshit lies with him, telling me that he will, or probably will. I came back to my room and imed William, who I think I could spend the rest of my life with if I hadn't fucked everything up. Is he into me? No. Does he want me back? No. If I wait around until the "end of the movie" will I find a ring box in the pocket of those stupid fucking kahkis he's always wearing (rain, shine, winter, summer, two feet of snow, two hundred percent humidity) after which he will propose? NO! Will, after both of these let downs, I realize that I really belong with Andrew, and have always wanted that anyway? No. Why? Because I'm just NOT THAT INTO HIM!!!
I'm pretty angry. And pretty depressed.
You know what's making it worse? My whore roommate talking on the phone right behind me with some guy about sex, having sex, where they would have sex, how they want to have sex... it's getting dangerously close to phone sex, people. And the other night, it basically was, except that she wasn't actually touching herself. WTF!?! I'm right fucking here!! Do you not realize how inappropriate this situation is!?
Anyway. I'm pulling an all-nighter, because I saved my shit ton of homework until.... now. 1 am Monday morning.
I really want to throw something.... like a mirror.
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.
Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.
You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Every Tom, Dick, and Harry..
According to a survey done, (no I will not cite my sources you lazy fuck. Go look it up), on average Korians had the smallest penis's, and France had the largest...
Hmm...interesting? Now we know why Courtney likes Fabrice so much, eh?
Is it strange that the same woman comes into my work every three months or so to tell me how much she hates OD and how we are ripping her off, and she is calling the head office to report us, and blah blah blah.
Well, she came into tonight.
Let me set the scene for you. Neal was on my register (register 1), because I had to use the restroom, so he was covering for me. When I got back up there he had a long line, so I jumped on 2 (not literally) and took some people in his line while he dealt with a nightmare customer. This nightmare customer wanted to split up everything she had in her basket to use all her coupons, most of which had expired. Neal had already tried to explain to her that they were expired, and it was general business practice to NOT accept those, especially if they were from the 1st of January. You can't reason with some people. She also kept trying to jew him down on prices (no disrespect meant there), can you make this thirty, the box is open, yada yada yada.
Anyway, around the time he has started her third transaction I notice crazy OD hating bitch. She's standing there with her customary Lexmark ink cartridge, the only thing she ever buys, her puppy of a husband next to her (he never says anything while she screams at me over things I can't control.). Her big beef with us (that one she's always mad about, anyway) is that we put all of our cartridges in security boxes. She feels that her ink would be astronomically cheeper if it wasn't in a box-basically, she thinks the high price is a direct result of a plastic secuirty box, and not the fact that she's buying ink for a machine about as old as me.
SO she walks up to me and sets the cartridge down, and I open it with my special security key (we call it an Alpha key, but the f knows it's actual name), and she hands me a gift card. Now, this is funny because you get the gift card in a direct result to having an Office Depot rewards card. It's a good thing to have if you buy ink (like she does) because you get 10% back on ink, which they send back to you in the form of a gift card. Which she had.
Anyway, I process the gift card, but not before asking if she has a rewards card. I know she does because of three things:
1. She just handed me the gift card (like I said)
2. She has a the paper it came in that says something like, "THANKS FOR USING YOUR OFFICE DEPOT REWARDS CARD, HERE IS YOUR GIFT CARD OMFG"
3. I can see the actual card in her wallet.
So I say, "Do you have a rewards card with us?" because I know the one time I don't ask she will want to use it.
And she replys, "Yes I do but I'm not going to be using it anymore."
So I smile in that way you smile at your senile grandma, and process her gift card, then tell her her remaing total. So she slides her card, the wrong way, so I have to correct her, and then it takes her one hundred years to put in her pin. While she is typing it in she notices a pad I have on the counter saying "Sign up now and get a 15 coupon through your e-mail!"
So she picks it up, reads it, and the slams it back down and says, and I quote, "How to YOU PEOPLE (in caps for emphasis, she didn't yell that at me) get e-mail adresses?"
And I reply with a witty, "They give them to us (it's not witty)."
And her response is, "No, they don't. I didn't give YOU PEOPLE anything."
Which is bull shit, because she has a rewards card. She probably gave me her blood type!
Anyway, I responded with, "Everyone gives them to us, I assure you we've never-"
She cuts me off to say, "I've never given you people anything! I don't know how you got it, but I didn't give it to you!"
At this point, having been dealing with that lady for months, explaining to her that No, we are not charging you for the boxes, and yes, the company directly sets the price, not us, and no I am not a direct spawn of Satan, and snap back with, "I have never done anything, to you, or anyone else. If you don't like shopping her, I can suggest other stores that sell that same cartridge, for the same price, or I can give you our corporate offices phone number and you can let them know what's going on."
And then I hand her her reciet. Now, I understand it was childish to respond that way, and unprofessional, but I am a human, and I have my braking point, and she finally hit it. I think she seemed taken aback for a minute that I had said something that wasn't cheerful, but then continued, "It doesn't matter. Do you know how many different people and times I had to call to get the people in charges number? It's ridiculous. What's your name? Marybeth? Don't worry, I'll let them know what a witch you are, and how you treat your customers. You think of me when they let you go, I sign your paycheck..."
And someother crap, but I was ringing someone else out by then.
Do you know how many people have said that? If corporate personally comes down and fires me, the peon, I will be personally impressed.
And on that note, I visisted an Office Max the other day. It's like being in Office Depot. I don't see the difference (other than the layout).
Bleh.
-Embee
Hmm...interesting? Now we know why Courtney likes Fabrice so much, eh?
Is it strange that the same woman comes into my work every three months or so to tell me how much she hates OD and how we are ripping her off, and she is calling the head office to report us, and blah blah blah.
Well, she came into tonight.
Let me set the scene for you. Neal was on my register (register 1), because I had to use the restroom, so he was covering for me. When I got back up there he had a long line, so I jumped on 2 (not literally) and took some people in his line while he dealt with a nightmare customer. This nightmare customer wanted to split up everything she had in her basket to use all her coupons, most of which had expired. Neal had already tried to explain to her that they were expired, and it was general business practice to NOT accept those, especially if they were from the 1st of January. You can't reason with some people. She also kept trying to jew him down on prices (no disrespect meant there), can you make this thirty, the box is open, yada yada yada.
Anyway, around the time he has started her third transaction I notice crazy OD hating bitch. She's standing there with her customary Lexmark ink cartridge, the only thing she ever buys, her puppy of a husband next to her (he never says anything while she screams at me over things I can't control.). Her big beef with us (that one she's always mad about, anyway) is that we put all of our cartridges in security boxes. She feels that her ink would be astronomically cheeper if it wasn't in a box-basically, she thinks the high price is a direct result of a plastic secuirty box, and not the fact that she's buying ink for a machine about as old as me.
SO she walks up to me and sets the cartridge down, and I open it with my special security key (we call it an Alpha key, but the f knows it's actual name), and she hands me a gift card. Now, this is funny because you get the gift card in a direct result to having an Office Depot rewards card. It's a good thing to have if you buy ink (like she does) because you get 10% back on ink, which they send back to you in the form of a gift card. Which she had.
Anyway, I process the gift card, but not before asking if she has a rewards card. I know she does because of three things:
1. She just handed me the gift card (like I said)
2. She has a the paper it came in that says something like, "THANKS FOR USING YOUR OFFICE DEPOT REWARDS CARD, HERE IS YOUR GIFT CARD OMFG"
3. I can see the actual card in her wallet.
So I say, "Do you have a rewards card with us?" because I know the one time I don't ask she will want to use it.
And she replys, "Yes I do but I'm not going to be using it anymore."
So I smile in that way you smile at your senile grandma, and process her gift card, then tell her her remaing total. So she slides her card, the wrong way, so I have to correct her, and then it takes her one hundred years to put in her pin. While she is typing it in she notices a pad I have on the counter saying "Sign up now and get a 15 coupon through your e-mail!"
So she picks it up, reads it, and the slams it back down and says, and I quote, "How to YOU PEOPLE (in caps for emphasis, she didn't yell that at me) get e-mail adresses?"
And I reply with a witty, "They give them to us (it's not witty)."
And her response is, "No, they don't. I didn't give YOU PEOPLE anything."
Which is bull shit, because she has a rewards card. She probably gave me her blood type!
Anyway, I responded with, "Everyone gives them to us, I assure you we've never-"
She cuts me off to say, "I've never given you people anything! I don't know how you got it, but I didn't give it to you!"
At this point, having been dealing with that lady for months, explaining to her that No, we are not charging you for the boxes, and yes, the company directly sets the price, not us, and no I am not a direct spawn of Satan, and snap back with, "I have never done anything, to you, or anyone else. If you don't like shopping her, I can suggest other stores that sell that same cartridge, for the same price, or I can give you our corporate offices phone number and you can let them know what's going on."
And then I hand her her reciet. Now, I understand it was childish to respond that way, and unprofessional, but I am a human, and I have my braking point, and she finally hit it. I think she seemed taken aback for a minute that I had said something that wasn't cheerful, but then continued, "It doesn't matter. Do you know how many different people and times I had to call to get the people in charges number? It's ridiculous. What's your name? Marybeth? Don't worry, I'll let them know what a witch you are, and how you treat your customers. You think of me when they let you go, I sign your paycheck..."
And someother crap, but I was ringing someone else out by then.
Do you know how many people have said that? If corporate personally comes down and fires me, the peon, I will be personally impressed.
And on that note, I visisted an Office Max the other day. It's like being in Office Depot. I don't see the difference (other than the layout).
Bleh.
-Embee
Friday, February 6, 2009
Yummy...?
So, I really should be doing homework right now, but I feel like posting first... mostly because I fear Mary's wrath. Speaking of Wrath... I got to impersonate that particular "Deadly Sin" during a game a couple weeks ago, and it was a ton of fun. Just being a huge bitch to everyone, about everything. A scary fucking bitch. :D
Currently listening to Irish folk music... why? Because my iTunes is on shuffle and this song is intensely awesome. It's in Gaelic, but I know the translation, which is cool.
Tonight is initiation for APO, and my little will finally meet me, and my co-big, Patrick, who, btw, is mildly chauvinistic and definitely an ass most of the time. I didn't know this when I agreed to take a little with him, but oh well.
*sigh* Should be fun. Afterward we're going out with the "Family" (My bigs, their bigs, their bigs, and all siblings, half siblings, and in laws. Patrick would be considered an in law, because he's not part of my family. They strongly encourage taking little's with other family members to prevent a lot of in law confusion and the confusion of which family the little will officially join. See, I'm a White Carnation (extended family) and specifically a Heimhawk (Nuclear Family), where as Patrick is a Red Carnation, and I don't think he has a family name (Most people don't, there's just a couple family-families. Most people just refer to their flower as their family) anyway, we made the decision to have our little, Jimmy, join my family because we're closer than Pat is to his family, and also because until this semester there were no boys in our family, and My big and my new step-big (My other big transfered) are taking a girl and a boy and they didn't want him to be the only boy in the family.
Anyway, haven't heard much from Andrew. I'm really hoping he doesn't show up here and surprise me one day... I'm pretty sure that's something he'd do. lol.
I'm playing two games this semester (continuos group games that meet once a week). Vampire: The Masquerade, which is so far awesome, and another DnD campaign.
I've recently realized that I hate grading papers... I'm mentor for the music department and so the students I mentor/tutor have to turn homework into me and I grade it and give it to their instructors... I'm basically the music departments bitch...
Listening to piano music now. Mostly Contemporary, some Baroque. Have to say, though, I'm not big on just sitting around listening to Bach... as blaspheme as that sounds. I mean, analytically he's a genius, yes, but just aesthetically... it's a bit repetitive. You know whose really a genius? Bartok. Dear God...... amazing.
I really feel on top of things right now. Even though I have a ton of homework this weekend. I know I'll get it all done, and that's comforting.
What I'm not looking forward to is waking up at 6am tomorrow to go volunteer at Klondike (a boy scout day camp thing)
I'm apparently incredibly stressed (I believe it...) because I've been all kinds of puking since school started and I haven't had a period since Thanksgiving... bleh. Not that I'm complaining about that... but the random acts of nausea are a little annoying. Thought I had the stomach flu so I went to the health center and they were like "It's stress, just get some sleep and eat breakfast" and so I did... or at least, I tried. I've been eating b-fast every morning, but sleep is hard to come by. Especially with a roommate who insists on falling asleep to the lullaby of MTV.
This whole blog is very much flow of consciousness, I apologize if it gets boring. Nothing exciting is happening I suppose.
Y'know what would be awesome? Studying abroad. Mary... I want you looking into this with me... like yesterday :D At first I assumed it would be way unaffordable, but it turns out that there are a TON of scholarships out there for studying abroad. :D
Currently listening to Irish folk music... why? Because my iTunes is on shuffle and this song is intensely awesome. It's in Gaelic, but I know the translation, which is cool.
Tonight is initiation for APO, and my little will finally meet me, and my co-big, Patrick, who, btw, is mildly chauvinistic and definitely an ass most of the time. I didn't know this when I agreed to take a little with him, but oh well.
*sigh* Should be fun. Afterward we're going out with the "Family" (My bigs, their bigs, their bigs, and all siblings, half siblings, and in laws. Patrick would be considered an in law, because he's not part of my family. They strongly encourage taking little's with other family members to prevent a lot of in law confusion and the confusion of which family the little will officially join. See, I'm a White Carnation (extended family) and specifically a Heimhawk (Nuclear Family), where as Patrick is a Red Carnation, and I don't think he has a family name (Most people don't, there's just a couple family-families. Most people just refer to their flower as their family) anyway, we made the decision to have our little, Jimmy, join my family because we're closer than Pat is to his family, and also because until this semester there were no boys in our family, and My big and my new step-big (My other big transfered) are taking a girl and a boy and they didn't want him to be the only boy in the family.
Anyway, haven't heard much from Andrew. I'm really hoping he doesn't show up here and surprise me one day... I'm pretty sure that's something he'd do. lol.
I'm playing two games this semester (continuos group games that meet once a week). Vampire: The Masquerade, which is so far awesome, and another DnD campaign.
I've recently realized that I hate grading papers... I'm mentor for the music department and so the students I mentor/tutor have to turn homework into me and I grade it and give it to their instructors... I'm basically the music departments bitch...
Listening to piano music now. Mostly Contemporary, some Baroque. Have to say, though, I'm not big on just sitting around listening to Bach... as blaspheme as that sounds. I mean, analytically he's a genius, yes, but just aesthetically... it's a bit repetitive. You know whose really a genius? Bartok. Dear God...... amazing.
I really feel on top of things right now. Even though I have a ton of homework this weekend. I know I'll get it all done, and that's comforting.
What I'm not looking forward to is waking up at 6am tomorrow to go volunteer at Klondike (a boy scout day camp thing)
I'm apparently incredibly stressed (I believe it...) because I've been all kinds of puking since school started and I haven't had a period since Thanksgiving... bleh. Not that I'm complaining about that... but the random acts of nausea are a little annoying. Thought I had the stomach flu so I went to the health center and they were like "It's stress, just get some sleep and eat breakfast" and so I did... or at least, I tried. I've been eating b-fast every morning, but sleep is hard to come by. Especially with a roommate who insists on falling asleep to the lullaby of MTV.
This whole blog is very much flow of consciousness, I apologize if it gets boring. Nothing exciting is happening I suppose.
Y'know what would be awesome? Studying abroad. Mary... I want you looking into this with me... like yesterday :D At first I assumed it would be way unaffordable, but it turns out that there are a TON of scholarships out there for studying abroad. :D
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Do I dazzle you?
I need to let something out here. I HATE people (not you Cindy, in no way is the directed at you because never once have these words left your mouth) who date someone, sometimes for months, sometimes weeks, and when they get broken up utter the words, "I will never love again", or "I will never trust again", or "I will never love/trust another man/woman/dog/troll again."
Um, excuse me? Do you like lying to yourself and everyone around you, or are you that deluded? EVERYONE gets the heart handed to them on the bottom of some losers shoe. I know that because that is LIFE. What's pathetic is letting it get to you that badly. Someone dumps you that you were really into, yeah, Ow. It sucks. But seriously, cut your hair, buy a new outfit, and drink yourself silly. Don't sit there and cry and bitch like a third grader. It's pathetic, because we all know you WILL and can love again, that Johnny Ass Munch was not The One for you, and you can trust men. Honestly, if women who get beaten the crap out of can find a better man to love, then dog gone it, so can you.
I also hate girls who fall in love with boys they just met, but I can't rant about that, because I fell in love with Nick almost instantly after meeting him.
BUT WE JUST CELEBRATED AN ANNIVERSARY LONGER THAN TWO WEEKS (a year), SO CLEARLY THERE ARE SOME ACTUAL FEELINGS.
Still, I won't touch that subject.
Speaking of my handsome, bearded boyfriend, he apparently just found out his ex was cheating on him for a portion of their relationship. I'm not sure why I care about this. I mean, yeah she's a bitch for doing that, but why specifically do I care?
I guess, partly, because one of my ex's cheated on me with a dude, and I know what it's like to be hurt/betrayed by someone you love, but they broke up almost two and half years ago, and he's still bitter about this shit, this stupid bitch, who has dyed black hair and orange skin, and went to school to cut hair.
Meanwhile he has a redheaded girl who has never cheated on him and is going to school for medicine, and he's still...thinking about her. I don't get it. Yeah, they were together for four years, but he met her when she was fifteen. He forbade her from drinking and tanning (clearly she does way too much of both now), and so she rebelled. Well, duh. I could have told him that (I don't).
I just wish he would get over it. Yeah, she cheated on me, but she's a skanky oompa, and that was about three years ago. He keeps saying he's moved on, and he doesn't give a shit about her, but then why care if someone tells you she was fucking him while dating you? Why wish that ho a happy birthday, or talk to her brothers?
Ah, I sound jealous. Maybe I am. Sorry. How lame. I'll bury it down, and pretend like I don't care, but secretly fantasize about shaving her (her head).
Ppppost Cindy!
God damn.
-Embee
p.s. Dexter season 2 ended explosively! Seriously, Doakes was blown up by with Brittish bitch Lila? Well, she was good for something before Dexter stabbed her crazy ass.
Also, Rita's pregnant?! Crazy.
Um, excuse me? Do you like lying to yourself and everyone around you, or are you that deluded? EVERYONE gets the heart handed to them on the bottom of some losers shoe. I know that because that is LIFE. What's pathetic is letting it get to you that badly. Someone dumps you that you were really into, yeah, Ow. It sucks. But seriously, cut your hair, buy a new outfit, and drink yourself silly. Don't sit there and cry and bitch like a third grader. It's pathetic, because we all know you WILL and can love again, that Johnny Ass Munch was not The One for you, and you can trust men. Honestly, if women who get beaten the crap out of can find a better man to love, then dog gone it, so can you.
I also hate girls who fall in love with boys they just met, but I can't rant about that, because I fell in love with Nick almost instantly after meeting him.
BUT WE JUST CELEBRATED AN ANNIVERSARY LONGER THAN TWO WEEKS (a year), SO CLEARLY THERE ARE SOME ACTUAL FEELINGS.
Still, I won't touch that subject.
Speaking of my handsome, bearded boyfriend, he apparently just found out his ex was cheating on him for a portion of their relationship. I'm not sure why I care about this. I mean, yeah she's a bitch for doing that, but why specifically do I care?
I guess, partly, because one of my ex's cheated on me with a dude, and I know what it's like to be hurt/betrayed by someone you love, but they broke up almost two and half years ago, and he's still bitter about this shit, this stupid bitch, who has dyed black hair and orange skin, and went to school to cut hair.
Meanwhile he has a redheaded girl who has never cheated on him and is going to school for medicine, and he's still...thinking about her. I don't get it. Yeah, they were together for four years, but he met her when she was fifteen. He forbade her from drinking and tanning (clearly she does way too much of both now), and so she rebelled. Well, duh. I could have told him that (I don't).
I just wish he would get over it. Yeah, she cheated on me, but she's a skanky oompa, and that was about three years ago. He keeps saying he's moved on, and he doesn't give a shit about her, but then why care if someone tells you she was fucking him while dating you? Why wish that ho a happy birthday, or talk to her brothers?
Ah, I sound jealous. Maybe I am. Sorry. How lame. I'll bury it down, and pretend like I don't care, but secretly fantasize about shaving her (her head).
Ppppost Cindy!
God damn.
-Embee
p.s. Dexter season 2 ended explosively! Seriously, Doakes was blown up by with Brittish bitch Lila? Well, she was good for something before Dexter stabbed her crazy ass.
Also, Rita's pregnant?! Crazy.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I didn't know this was a contest slut bag!
I have a puppy. No, okay, she's a dog, but to me, she will always be my little tiny puppy I brought home from the humane society, who then got parvo and almost died.
She's yellow, like butter, and has ears like little satellites, and her name is Colbie (like the cheese, but spelled different.).
She's being a total brat. I've given her snausages (bacon and eggs, mmm!), and played with her and Jeffy (her stuffed sheep), but it's whine city in here.
I'm going to return her little ass. No, that's a lie. But I am tempted to toss a pillow at her.
Anyway, I'm still watching Dexter. Lila seems like a bitch, but what do I know? All I'm saying is Brittish people can't be trusted (hey! learn from your mistakes! I saw how they tried to tax without representation. Now they have to EARN that trust back.), and she is a brittish heroin addicted artist. Now, c'mon...
And yes, I do have a girl crush on Billie Piper. Minus her teeth...so...horsey. But other than that I love her.
I lured my sister home this weekend to take pictures for my mom's birthday. I kept bugging Nick to do it, but god forbid he do anything anyone else wants but himself. Anyway, I'm a little worried about it because...she, and I love her, but can be a shebeast. And she never wears anything really nice, it's all too tight, and she doesn't exactly have the figure to wear such tight clothing. Like, skin tight. Anyway, I want these to be nice photos, so I think drastic measure might be needed. Now, I'm not buying her new clothes (she doesn't have a mother fucking job), but I am coming down early to do her fucking hair and face.
Is that sisterly, or bitchy of me? Oh well.
Hair appointment on Friday, yay! More swishy red hair, I love it. It's so damn long.
Don't have sex with the bean pole Cindy! Don't...must...resist....I....will beat the crap out of you....use protection! (No little Wills, the world could not handle it)
-Embee
She's yellow, like butter, and has ears like little satellites, and her name is Colbie (like the cheese, but spelled different.).
She's being a total brat. I've given her snausages (bacon and eggs, mmm!), and played with her and Jeffy (her stuffed sheep), but it's whine city in here.
I'm going to return her little ass. No, that's a lie. But I am tempted to toss a pillow at her.
Anyway, I'm still watching Dexter. Lila seems like a bitch, but what do I know? All I'm saying is Brittish people can't be trusted (hey! learn from your mistakes! I saw how they tried to tax without representation. Now they have to EARN that trust back.), and she is a brittish heroin addicted artist. Now, c'mon...
And yes, I do have a girl crush on Billie Piper. Minus her teeth...so...horsey. But other than that I love her.
I lured my sister home this weekend to take pictures for my mom's birthday. I kept bugging Nick to do it, but god forbid he do anything anyone else wants but himself. Anyway, I'm a little worried about it because...she, and I love her, but can be a shebeast. And she never wears anything really nice, it's all too tight, and she doesn't exactly have the figure to wear such tight clothing. Like, skin tight. Anyway, I want these to be nice photos, so I think drastic measure might be needed. Now, I'm not buying her new clothes (she doesn't have a mother fucking job), but I am coming down early to do her fucking hair and face.
Is that sisterly, or bitchy of me? Oh well.
Hair appointment on Friday, yay! More swishy red hair, I love it. It's so damn long.
Don't have sex with the bean pole Cindy! Don't...must...resist....I....will beat the crap out of you....use protection! (No little Wills, the world could not handle it)
-Embee
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Marybeth's sister might drop out?
Well, mine apparently wants to be a stripper... I believe the term is "Trumped." lol..
Anyway, I can't use a vibrator, I share a bedroom.
Also, Almost fooled around with Fuckbag yet again today... restrained before anything happened at all (Seriously, best accomplishment yet)
As to Secret Diary of a Call Girl... Marybeth you better be falling in love (in a straight, non homo way) with Billie Pieper, because that's how I'm going to get you to watch Doctor Who with me :D All I'm saying, is that if I were a lesbian... I would have a poster of her on my wall probably replacing the one of PATD. lol.
I'm in one of those moods where every song that comes through my ear buds is speaking directly to me, or about my life... bleh.
Shitty mood. That's what this is. Y'know why? Because I have a great guy throwing himself at my feet from 400 miles away, and I'm in love with my best friend (aside from Marybeth) who just wants friends with bens. And although I know it'll never ever work, because I love him and can't stand him all at the same time, which are both amplified when I'm "with" him, I still wish deep down that it could.
2nd heart break is worse than the first, I don't care what they've told you. Fuck "them" that vague collective people use when they want you to believe them... I'm guessing that the 3rd is probably worse than this.... can't wait, that's all I have to say on that. But really... I just want to be in love again. Which, I'm guessing is why I'm letting Andrew draw out fantasies about how long we'll be together, because a part of me is hoping I'll somehow fall for him.
I have homework, and I, of course, don't feel like doing it....
I hate being veg. I bought this protein thing to make up for not eating meat. It has like... soy and whey in it... it's gritty and tastes like spoiled milk, and it cost me like... 6 bucks. >.> Fuck whoever decided people would enjoy drinking this nasty shit. I'll just give up on protein for the time being and throw this crap out, because no way in hell am I convincing my taste buds to get over it.
I hate a lot of things today.
I went to the UCS though, so they could tell me if I'm crazy or not. They said I'd "benefit from continuing in a program there." So, I guess I will. Whatever.
My co-big was a huge ass at Walmart this evening... We were shopping for our little, and everything had to be his way, and anytime I spoke he acted like I was freaking out... it was ridiculous. Kristen, my witness, agrees.
*sigh* It seems to me like my mood is too dependent on other people... but I'm not sure if there's much I can do about that.
Bang Bang Shoot Shoot
Happiness is a Warm Gun
Anyway, I can't use a vibrator, I share a bedroom.
Also, Almost fooled around with Fuckbag yet again today... restrained before anything happened at all (Seriously, best accomplishment yet)
As to Secret Diary of a Call Girl... Marybeth you better be falling in love (in a straight, non homo way) with Billie Pieper, because that's how I'm going to get you to watch Doctor Who with me :D All I'm saying, is that if I were a lesbian... I would have a poster of her on my wall probably replacing the one of PATD. lol.
I'm in one of those moods where every song that comes through my ear buds is speaking directly to me, or about my life... bleh.
Shitty mood. That's what this is. Y'know why? Because I have a great guy throwing himself at my feet from 400 miles away, and I'm in love with my best friend (aside from Marybeth) who just wants friends with bens. And although I know it'll never ever work, because I love him and can't stand him all at the same time, which are both amplified when I'm "with" him, I still wish deep down that it could.
2nd heart break is worse than the first, I don't care what they've told you. Fuck "them" that vague collective people use when they want you to believe them... I'm guessing that the 3rd is probably worse than this.... can't wait, that's all I have to say on that. But really... I just want to be in love again. Which, I'm guessing is why I'm letting Andrew draw out fantasies about how long we'll be together, because a part of me is hoping I'll somehow fall for him.
I have homework, and I, of course, don't feel like doing it....
I hate being veg. I bought this protein thing to make up for not eating meat. It has like... soy and whey in it... it's gritty and tastes like spoiled milk, and it cost me like... 6 bucks. >.> Fuck whoever decided people would enjoy drinking this nasty shit. I'll just give up on protein for the time being and throw this crap out, because no way in hell am I convincing my taste buds to get over it.
I hate a lot of things today.
I went to the UCS though, so they could tell me if I'm crazy or not. They said I'd "benefit from continuing in a program there." So, I guess I will. Whatever.
My co-big was a huge ass at Walmart this evening... We were shopping for our little, and everything had to be his way, and anytime I spoke he acted like I was freaking out... it was ridiculous. Kristen, my witness, agrees.
*sigh* It seems to me like my mood is too dependent on other people... but I'm not sure if there's much I can do about that.
Bang Bang Shoot Shoot
Happiness is a Warm Gun
I know what Cindy needs...
A vibrator. Seriously, no, don't roll your eyes at me, buy one, find one, make one, doesn't matter, hide it in your sock drawer, and then you don't need pesky things like men to get off.
This is weird, me being in a loving, dysfunctional relationship and Cindy dating a bunch of people. Usually (not usually, since it has been a year).
So yeah, I finished season one of Dexter, and I like I said yesterday, anyone who likes intelligent television (The Hills does not count, nor does any reality, or any show that focuses on what you wear and who you fuck more than the actual plotline...that being said, The Secret Diary of a Call Girl is the exception. And maybe Sex in the City. Jury is still out on that one). I loved the ending, Dexter is such an interesting character, and plus I love Rita. Will she stay with him now that she knows he framed her abusive husband, or will she leave him and take Mr. Abusy back? I don't know, but I downloaded season 2 on line....(illegally...maybe.), so I will find out!
This blog contains spoilers! This is your only warning EVER. Seriously, I hate not being spoiled, and I hated cryptic shit when I'm reading something.
I watched the season premier of Heroes. I was a little worried that this was going to actually turn into X-Men (a lot of people say it is, to those I reply, fuck yourselves with a sock), but now they're rounding all the specials up...and putting them in a camp...it's like X-Men just met 1930's Germany. Next thing I know HRG will be ushering Mohinder and Peter into a building for a "special de-lousing shower" (and omg, that might be just a little hot...if there was actual water (hey, what can I say, if you don't slash at least two of the characters, then you're not watching the show right), and now gas that caused them to die), and Sylar and Claire will kill themselves in an underground bunker.
It's awesome, Sylar is back. I have a crazy crush on him. I think it's the eyebrows. I'm not sure.
Claire is as whiney as always, and Peter flew out of a plane, but I don't think he's dead. If they keep bringing back Nathan, they're going to keep Peter. I'm just saying.
Nothing else interesting in my life. I've had two days off work, so I've been sitting in my home watching t.v. Nick and I were supposed to go iceskating today, but it wasn't opened, so we didn't. Just stayed in bed and slept. A lot. Mmm...sleep.
Sister is talking about dropping out of college. Well...that's not suprising.
Vibrator, Cindy!
-Embee
This is weird, me being in a loving, dysfunctional relationship and Cindy dating a bunch of people. Usually (not usually, since it has been a year).
So yeah, I finished season one of Dexter, and I like I said yesterday, anyone who likes intelligent television (The Hills does not count, nor does any reality, or any show that focuses on what you wear and who you fuck more than the actual plotline...that being said, The Secret Diary of a Call Girl is the exception. And maybe Sex in the City. Jury is still out on that one). I loved the ending, Dexter is such an interesting character, and plus I love Rita. Will she stay with him now that she knows he framed her abusive husband, or will she leave him and take Mr. Abusy back? I don't know, but I downloaded season 2 on line....(illegally...maybe.), so I will find out!
This blog contains spoilers! This is your only warning EVER. Seriously, I hate not being spoiled, and I hated cryptic shit when I'm reading something.
I watched the season premier of Heroes. I was a little worried that this was going to actually turn into X-Men (a lot of people say it is, to those I reply, fuck yourselves with a sock), but now they're rounding all the specials up...and putting them in a camp...it's like X-Men just met 1930's Germany. Next thing I know HRG will be ushering Mohinder and Peter into a building for a "special de-lousing shower" (and omg, that might be just a little hot...if there was actual water (hey, what can I say, if you don't slash at least two of the characters, then you're not watching the show right), and now gas that caused them to die), and Sylar and Claire will kill themselves in an underground bunker.
It's awesome, Sylar is back. I have a crazy crush on him. I think it's the eyebrows. I'm not sure.
Claire is as whiney as always, and Peter flew out of a plane, but I don't think he's dead. If they keep bringing back Nathan, they're going to keep Peter. I'm just saying.
Nothing else interesting in my life. I've had two days off work, so I've been sitting in my home watching t.v. Nick and I were supposed to go iceskating today, but it wasn't opened, so we didn't. Just stayed in bed and slept. A lot. Mmm...sleep.
Sister is talking about dropping out of college. Well...that's not suprising.
Vibrator, Cindy!
-Embee
Monday, February 2, 2009
Love in the Time of Cholera
I would recommend the book to anyone, as well as the movie. IN THAT MOTHER FUCKING ORDER!
Anyway, I just want everyone to know how awesome the show Dexter is. A serial killer? Who is cute?! Awwwww yeaaah. You don't know about my creepy interest in serial killers (I may have an encyclopedia on them....or may not. I do.), but you will someday.
Also, Heroes' season premier was tonight, haven't watched it yet, but I have it TiVoed, so I will, then I'll let you know. Looks awesome, and I'm hoping Sylar made it through.
So, Cindy, you didn't say if you actually slept with him. He did all that for you, please tell me you rewarded him...
Today was Nick and my (mine?) one year anniversary. Yes, today, this day, that I met him. We took the day off, and went and had food (we both wanted Mexican but ended up getting Sushi), he built me a bear! Just like we did last year, it's pink, I love it, and dressed it like a disney princess, and then we got icecream, and now he is down stairs playing CoD, and I'm watching Dexter.
I think a lot of young people my age are confused about relationships and what makes them work. Everyone wants it to be exciting and fun like it is when you first meet someone and everything is new, but that's not how you get 50 golden years in a summer house on a lake. I really think being different people is a good thing. His sister is getting married to a person, and they do EVERYTHING together, and to me that is insane. How you can wake up next to someone, and then spend every possible waking moment with them...it seems...unhealthy. Really unhealthy.
Anyway, here's hoping Cindy gave Andrew at least a good blow j.
-Embee
Anyway, I just want everyone to know how awesome the show Dexter is. A serial killer? Who is cute?! Awwwww yeaaah. You don't know about my creepy interest in serial killers (I may have an encyclopedia on them....or may not. I do.), but you will someday.
Also, Heroes' season premier was tonight, haven't watched it yet, but I have it TiVoed, so I will, then I'll let you know. Looks awesome, and I'm hoping Sylar made it through.
So, Cindy, you didn't say if you actually slept with him. He did all that for you, please tell me you rewarded him...
Today was Nick and my (mine?) one year anniversary. Yes, today, this day, that I met him. We took the day off, and went and had food (we both wanted Mexican but ended up getting Sushi), he built me a bear! Just like we did last year, it's pink, I love it, and dressed it like a disney princess, and then we got icecream, and now he is down stairs playing CoD, and I'm watching Dexter.
I think a lot of young people my age are confused about relationships and what makes them work. Everyone wants it to be exciting and fun like it is when you first meet someone and everything is new, but that's not how you get 50 golden years in a summer house on a lake. I really think being different people is a good thing. His sister is getting married to a person, and they do EVERYTHING together, and to me that is insane. How you can wake up next to someone, and then spend every possible waking moment with them...it seems...unhealthy. Really unhealthy.
Anyway, here's hoping Cindy gave Andrew at least a good blow j.
-Embee
The Bottle Said Chlorella...
...and you bet your ass I thought I was drinking Cholera for a moment...
So... The effin' C Store didn't have Slim Fast today... SO, I've decided to save that for second. First, I will try the veggie diet. Mostly, because you can't NOT have that in the store somewhere... lol. Anyway, I've already eaten meat today, so my temporary vegetarian lifestyle begins tomorrow.
I did, however, find this super drink (If by super, you mean super nasty... it's dark green and thick like 10 year old milk would probably look... and smell) It surprisingly tastes alright though. Considering it's contents are Spirulina, Apples, Chlorella, Banana, Broccoli, Kiwi, Spinach, Mango, Blue Green Algae, Pineapple, Garlic, Barley Grass, Wheat Grass, Ginger Root, and Parsley... I almost couldn't bring myself to try it, but since I'm guessing it's extremely healthy and meat free... I gave it a shot, and I generally like it I guess... 140 calories... but that doesn't concern me. One thing you will not see me do is count calories... takes way too much effort, sorry. Props to all who do though.
Y'know... as disturbing as that list of ingredients was, I think I'm more disturbed that the ingredients of the chicken sandwich I just ate did not include chicken... So perhaps I haven't eaten meat today???
I don't recommend checking product ingredients prior to consumption to anyone... it makes your food taste less appealing... unless you are drinking something that looks like it was scraped from the underneath of the fridge, or scooped from the sewers of New York... then you can look, because... well, let's face it, no one wants to wake up ill one morning only to discover they've been drinking a bottle of Cholera every morning...
So... The effin' C Store didn't have Slim Fast today... SO, I've decided to save that for second. First, I will try the veggie diet. Mostly, because you can't NOT have that in the store somewhere... lol. Anyway, I've already eaten meat today, so my temporary vegetarian lifestyle begins tomorrow.
I did, however, find this super drink (If by super, you mean super nasty... it's dark green and thick like 10 year old milk would probably look... and smell) It surprisingly tastes alright though. Considering it's contents are Spirulina, Apples, Chlorella, Banana, Broccoli, Kiwi, Spinach, Mango, Blue Green Algae, Pineapple, Garlic, Barley Grass, Wheat Grass, Ginger Root, and Parsley... I almost couldn't bring myself to try it, but since I'm guessing it's extremely healthy and meat free... I gave it a shot, and I generally like it I guess... 140 calories... but that doesn't concern me. One thing you will not see me do is count calories... takes way too much effort, sorry. Props to all who do though.
Y'know... as disturbing as that list of ingredients was, I think I'm more disturbed that the ingredients of the chicken sandwich I just ate did not include chicken... So perhaps I haven't eaten meat today???
I don't recommend checking product ingredients prior to consumption to anyone... it makes your food taste less appealing... unless you are drinking something that looks like it was scraped from the underneath of the fridge, or scooped from the sewers of New York... then you can look, because... well, let's face it, no one wants to wake up ill one morning only to discover they've been drinking a bottle of Cholera every morning...
Slim Fast Plan??
So... I'm going on a diet. Not because I need to, or think I need to, but rather as a means to regain control of myself in this uncontrollable economy, and my own personal situations.
I've never gone on a diet before, but there's a sense of comfort in it I can't explain. Anyway, here's my plan to keep it interesting. I will test out an undetermined number of "dieting solutions" for 2 weeks each (that's a good amount of time right?) and document how I feel they have worked. Accompanying each I will eat a hearty breakfast every morning, and go to the gym for 1 hour, twice a week (because that's all I have time for.)
I'm starting off with the most accessible to me, which is Slim Fast. It's the most accessible because they sell the drinks and snack bars here on campus. While on this plan, I will research others and decide which contender shall be tried next.
So, this being day 1... I have nothing to report.
I've never gone on a diet before, but there's a sense of comfort in it I can't explain. Anyway, here's my plan to keep it interesting. I will test out an undetermined number of "dieting solutions" for 2 weeks each (that's a good amount of time right?) and document how I feel they have worked. Accompanying each I will eat a hearty breakfast every morning, and go to the gym for 1 hour, twice a week (because that's all I have time for.)
I'm starting off with the most accessible to me, which is Slim Fast. It's the most accessible because they sell the drinks and snack bars here on campus. While on this plan, I will research others and decide which contender shall be tried next.
So, this being day 1... I have nothing to report.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
My devious little love life....
So, to recap the weekend...
I came home, much later than expected because my parents are psychotic and can't spend 2 minutes around each other or me with out screaming at everyone. I swear they're the children sometimes...
Anyway, so we get home at about 7 pm. Andrew comes to get me, takes me to Frankie Gianino's, a nice italian place with steep-ish prices (as in for a college student. More than Ruby Tuesday's, less than the Millennium Hotel Restaurant.) So, then he tells me that he was going to take me on a carriage ride through down town, but apparently you have to schedule that really far in advance, so no go. So we went to some really nice hotel in Fenton. I thought a hotel was a little weird, but it made sense since I don't have a place in St. Louis, and he's moving out and in with his friend in a week, so he doesn't exactly either. Anyway, so he booked a suite, which was sweet, and totally sweeeeet. It was nicer than most apartments. No joke. very classy. Anyway, so there were rose petals everywhere (real rose petals as I found out when I picked one up. I thought they'd be those dumb plastic ones you can buy at walmart...lol) and a bottle of my favorite wine on the bed.
Now... that all sounds really sweet right? Really romantic? Well here's the problem...
I'm apparently a huge bitch. See, I see Andrew as a short term fling. Fun, yes. Serious, no. Unfortunately... I've realized that he doesn't see it that way (obviously...) and I was just going to let it go, since we aren't officially together or anything, so he couldn't think it was too serious, even if he was acting like we were celebrating an anniversary. It was a fun night. I felt like I was on vacation somewhere far away from everything in my life right now. On the ride back though, he told me about a conversation he had with his boss, which basically, hidden beneath everything he was saying, meant that he could see this being "it," "the one," etc.... which is... scary for me. I'm not looking for that. Not right now. I just got out of a relationship like that, and I don't think I'm ready to be diving into again so soon. Not with Andrew anyway. He's a great guy, a real gentleman, but not someone I could spend my life, or even a large chunk of it, with.
So, Romance may not be dead, but fairy-tale, happy ever after, love stories are.
Anyway, I have Spanish homework, and Theory of Literature homework. I'll write more later. PEACE!
I came home, much later than expected because my parents are psychotic and can't spend 2 minutes around each other or me with out screaming at everyone. I swear they're the children sometimes...
Anyway, so we get home at about 7 pm. Andrew comes to get me, takes me to Frankie Gianino's, a nice italian place with steep-ish prices (as in for a college student. More than Ruby Tuesday's, less than the Millennium Hotel Restaurant.) So, then he tells me that he was going to take me on a carriage ride through down town, but apparently you have to schedule that really far in advance, so no go. So we went to some really nice hotel in Fenton. I thought a hotel was a little weird, but it made sense since I don't have a place in St. Louis, and he's moving out and in with his friend in a week, so he doesn't exactly either. Anyway, so he booked a suite, which was sweet, and totally sweeeeet. It was nicer than most apartments. No joke. very classy. Anyway, so there were rose petals everywhere (real rose petals as I found out when I picked one up. I thought they'd be those dumb plastic ones you can buy at walmart...lol) and a bottle of my favorite wine on the bed.
Now... that all sounds really sweet right? Really romantic? Well here's the problem...
I'm apparently a huge bitch. See, I see Andrew as a short term fling. Fun, yes. Serious, no. Unfortunately... I've realized that he doesn't see it that way (obviously...) and I was just going to let it go, since we aren't officially together or anything, so he couldn't think it was too serious, even if he was acting like we were celebrating an anniversary. It was a fun night. I felt like I was on vacation somewhere far away from everything in my life right now. On the ride back though, he told me about a conversation he had with his boss, which basically, hidden beneath everything he was saying, meant that he could see this being "it," "the one," etc.... which is... scary for me. I'm not looking for that. Not right now. I just got out of a relationship like that, and I don't think I'm ready to be diving into again so soon. Not with Andrew anyway. He's a great guy, a real gentleman, but not someone I could spend my life, or even a large chunk of it, with.
So, Romance may not be dead, but fairy-tale, happy ever after, love stories are.
Anyway, I have Spanish homework, and Theory of Literature homework. I'll write more later. PEACE!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)