Surrender...surrender...but don't give your self away...

Just for the record, I was listening to Cheap Trick before you started playing Guitar Hero. Gah how I kinda hate that game. Like, yeah, it's so fun, but at the same time if you happen to enjoy ANY of the bands it features people (mostly boys) assume it is because you have played that game and not because you had all of their cds when you were 13.
What the fuck ever.

A few things have been going on in my world, I will share, and then I can no longer put off making my phone call to Cindy.
First is I found THE BEST website on the web. I don't even want to share it, I love it so much, but I will because I know when Cindy see's it she will think I am insane in the membrane. It's called bluefly.com, and it has all the designers that you can think of listed on it, and a lot of their clothing. Now I'm not saying I've bought things from them (I have)...wait...no, yes I am.
Why the hell not? Right now they are HAVING A SALE (I about pooped myself), so I bought a few things that were cheaper, and I'm pretty excited. Mostly I have to kind of browse and wish I had six hundred dollars to lay down on a pair of shoes.
Nick doesn't get why I bought a pair of sixty dollar shoes that are originally two hundred and think it's a steal (because it is).He thinks that if designer Jimmy Choos are on sale for sixty dollar I should go and try and find the generic version anyway for ten bucks, which makes no sense, because then when someone compliments my shoes I can't say, "Oh these? Yeah they ARE by Kate Spade, thanks for asking. Five hundred dollars. Yeah, awesome, I know," even though I only paid sixty bucks. Freakin' sweet.
I am a little irked about the bags. I totally want one, but I am not rich, so I can't justify dropping two hundred dollars on one.
Bleh, I have talked waay to much about clothing.

NEXT ITEM OF BUISSNESS.
Nick. My little red haired boyfriend who snores when he sleeps. I'm kinda fond of him (okay, a lot.) And recently, his orange skinned, slutty ex-girlfriend has come back into his life by talking to him, and I, as a female who has played games with boys before, am on red alert (although I have relaxed a bit).
Now, I know I shouldn't be threatened, and here are some reasons why (although, logically I know this, illogically I still am concerned):
A. She is gradutating. From beauty school.
B. She has that black colored hair, y'know what I'm taking about Cindy? With the blonde streaks?
C. Orange skin= too much tanning.
D. Her profile picture is of her. In a bikini.
E. She works at Hooters.

Any one of those reasons are good enough to make normal people think, why the fuck would he want that unless he was drunk and wanted to have some sex. Or a booty call? Because normal men, as far as I can tell, don't like chicks like that. College frat boys do.

Meanwhile I am getting a masters degree in MEDICINE. I have a little yellow dog (who is sooo whiney right now!) named Colbie. My hair is normal color of red, and my skin doesn't make me look like an oompa loompa, and I'm about to start working in labor and delivery at the hospital.
So, clearly, and logically, why would he pick he one night stand that cheated on him, maybe with more than one dude, over the marriage material girlfriend? Answer, he wouldn't.
And yet, and I am still concerned, because what buissness does she have talking to him? I'll tell you why, because she wants him to want her back. I'm not saying she would TAKE him back (Nick is not her type. He doesn't even drink, and hates people who tan). Nick says she has daddy issue, which just fucking figures. It's always the girls WHO HAVE daddys, who have the issues, and so she looks for love in other places, like drunk men who want to cum on her face or whatever.
But she's saying things like, "oh, I saw Haylie at blockbuster and blah blah blah," and I want to hit her so hard for even saying Haylie's name. Haylie, Skylar, and Kendall (who is getting old enough to play with me, yay!), are Nicks cousins, I think six, four, and seven months, respectively, and when they come over, the only thing they (minus Kendall, she wants to drool) want to do is play princess with me. I am the first person they acknowledge when they walk through the front door, and that is just fine with me, I love kids, and I love them. Over the summer we took them to the zoo, all sorts of fun things. I went to Haylies tea party...fun times.
Anyway, so know she's saying crap like that, and then he comments on her family, and next think I know she's remincissing with him on the good ol days (when she was fucking other dudes. Remember that? Hahah, fun times!), and she misses him, and then he is fucking confused.
On the one hand, he was with her for four years, and probably is still in love with her in his own little way. Kind of the way I will always love Finan, and Cindy will always love Garry/Will/Chris (not all three, I'm just not sure who you will always love).
So then he's meeting up with her and talking with her, and she has no interest in actually being with him, but has no problem stringing him along, like she did last time, because she likes the attention.
Meanwhile, IF this ever happens, I will be long gone, because I will not put myself through that kind of abuse again, dating a guy who wants another girl.
Maybe that's why I'm so afraid, and with Nick I have nothing to worry about, but I do. Because while I dated Finan he was messing around with dudes, and writing Sarah letters telling her how much he loved her, and thought about her while he was with me.
And I cannot do that again. Last time I just pretened like it wasn't happening because he told me he loved me, and that was the truth, right? He wouldn't say that if he didn't, would he? And when he said he actually didn't love me, and we should break up, my self esteem took a huge hit, and it took months for me to like myself again.
So I can't do that again. I'm not saying I'm afraid, or anything gay like that, I'm saying that IF I find out that he is playing her little game, and lets his mind wander even for a second, it will hurt me, but I will leave. That simple. Then he can wander what life would have been like if he just deleted all her messages and text messages and just forgot about her.

Anyway, I'm done now.
-Embee