Huh

So recently I discovered something about myself that is surprising and possibly disturbing.
Let me start at the beginning. My friend Amanda, from MO state is always asking me for man advice and what to do when he does this, what it means when he says that, and I always respond, and she is satisfied and stops texting, and life continues on. I've never thought anything of this, it's been going on for a while, lets face it, I have been on a lot of dates with just about every imaginable type of guy on the planet, but I only seriously date 1% of said people. Now, obviously you can't be in a serious relationship with every person you have a first date with, because that would mean you have no standards, and God help me, I have standards. Ridiculous standards sometimes, which obviously don't help me in any way because all the guys I date have issues. But that's a rant for a different blog.
Anyway, along with my first date skills I happen to be pretty good and dissecting someone based on what they're wearing, how they talk, their shoes, cars, etc, because everything you have on and own says something about you and how you see yourself. It's called profiling and its why I pay 30 grand a year to go to SLU. These two skills are immensely useful because they pretty much eliminate any need to go on several weeks worth of dates trying to figure out if this boy is a keeper.
I don't want to discuss my exes, because most of them are still decent people who treated me exceptionally well, and continue to do so, and on our first dates were nothing but nice and gentlemen. Even Nick. Nick may have taken me on the best first date I've ever been on.
There are things men do that seem like they should be huge red flags right away, that will tell you whether to waste your time or if you should hug him goodbye and then delete his number from your phone the minute you get in your car. I just want to outline some of the obvious ones, and before you make some dumbass comment Cindy, I want to point out 98% of girls, even smart ones, are not aware of this stuff. I don't know what is says about women as a whole and our need to be with someone, I'm not talking about that.
The first thing I want to say is, if you are on a date with a man and he starts making suggestive jokes, or outright talking about sex, your sexual history, his sexual history, asking if it's true red heads are better in bed, etc. you need to be done right away. Every guy I have dated seriously has never asked me anything, they think about it quietly in their head, and we figure it out later when we're naked. My point here is that all men want to have sex with you pretty much the minute they see you and find you attractive. The difference is nice guys will keep those thoughts to themselves and assholes want to know right away if they're going to get laid anytime soon. A lot of girls I talk to don't realize this, or willing to look past it, but I think this is the worst offense a guy can make.
Talking about exes is also unacceptable to me. It's not as bad as asking me how many people I've slept with (yes that has happened), but it's right under it. Everyone has exes, and I assume someday I will find out about one of them, but a first date is not the time for that. Don't tell them about them either. Boys always ask what the longest relationship I've been in, what he was like, etc etc, and I just don't think this is acceptable first date conversation. My exes are exes for a reason, you bringing them up causes me to assume you're not over one of them. I don't care if she cheated on you, if you were engaged. Just like women shouldn't bring it up, men shouldn't either. If the guy you're out with is taking about his ex, excuse yourself to the bathroom and promptly walk out.
Long term plans. Hear me out on this one, because every girl I talk to gets way too excited about this. Maybe it's my fear of commitment talking here, but the second a boy brings up what he wants to do together past our second date, and he's not standing at my car saying goodbye, I automatically freak out. Girls think its a good sign he wants to take you to the lake in two months, but I think its a red flag. You don't really know this person and they are already planning a future with you. Slow down. Half the fun of a relationship is getting to know someone, so why rush it?
Asking if you have tattoos/piercings. This takes me back to sex. Tattoos are a little more acceptable, in the correct situation, like if it is visible and he asks politely about it, and you have a nice dialogue about it. Suggestively asking me if I have a piercing makes me assume you are imagining me naked in your head and causes me to immediately regret whatever shirt I put on. It's all about respect, and too often as girls we overlook things like this because we hate being alone.
Lastly, the question, "So do you have any questions for me/anything you want to know about me?" If I had questions or wanted to know things about you, I would ask. I never know how to respond to this question politely. I have never asked any guy this question because I assume anything he wants to know he'll ask me, everything else you learn over time. It's all in the fun of getting to know someone. Putting me on the spot makes me think you want me to ask you something specific, especially when you ask it two or three times. No, I don't. Conversation should just happen, and if you're with a good guy this question never has to come up because you are too busy laughing/talking about whatever going on. Nothing should be forced.
It's not hard to see why most guys are single half the time, and I often wonder what kind of girls have dated this guys before because some of them are just..awful.

The most important thing in dating is you have to know yourself, and you can't be willing to compromise that. Too many people sacrifice what they want and who they are to have someone else in their life. I'm not saying that if you think you want a six foot, black haired, blue eyed firefighter, but you mean a blond with brown eyes who does finance and he's great that you should send him on his way. I'm saying that you should not compromise because you don't want to be alone. If I've learned one thing from all my heartbreak, it's that when said heartbreak has been happening I always think I'll never find anyone better, and when I look back on it, I'm glad it didn't work out, and you will be too. The most important thing is to respect yourself, and everything else just kind of falls into place. You'll meet people and sometimes it will work out, and sometimes it won't.

Hope this is insightful and doesn't sound stupid.

-mb