your single girl song is on. it is pretty nice. i have frank sinatra vinyl, i was playing it on my record player (supa old school holmes), once i figured out how to work it.
so...im doing something kind of bad, but within character for me. text and i'll explain.

i just want to be happy, and its weird, because i know that i will never be happy with another person. maybe one, but i don't think ive met said person. being with another person just frustrates me. i just want to be friends that i sometimes sleep with. i know thats kind of slutty, but it seems like once you slap on the "relationship" sticker everything goes to shit with me. and it's all me, i know this. i am a hot mess. good thing im fucking pretty, or i would never be able to get away with this. oh, and funny and smart. and modest, too. nick probably did the best job out of any guy keeping me around, and look how the turned out. i fell for a pair of blue eyes and a fucking smart ass mouth who is dating a girl no one i know can stand. whateves.
im getting pizza and beer with a boy tomorrow. as friends. even though i think hes really awesome, hes funny and smart and hes cute in that nerdy dr. spencer reed sort of way, and he paints. and staying with jonathan, who i dont want to even kiss because i dont want to hurt him by breaking up with him. i sometimes seriously hate myself. and then i look in a mirror.

arg. this is why i spend all this time running. i create my own problems, i must be bored.

hearts!

-mb