So! Last night a boy asked me to be his girlfriend. We've been on several dates, I like him a lot. He's nice, he's funny, he's interesting, driven, is going somewhere, has goals, and let me take care of him when he was puking. I like his eye color, I like what he listens to, I like that he thinks I am way too good for him (I'm not). And I told him no.
Why?
Because I'm a punk ass who is afraid if I let someone be that close to me again, like I did with Nick and Garrett, that I am going to be burned, and burned badly. So I freaked out and told him I wanted to take things slowly and blah blah bullshit.
He said he still wants to see me.
I must be fucking stupid. Like, really really stupid. This guy is going to realize I'm a huge fake, just some little baby girl pretending to be a functioning adult and move on, and I am going to be really angry with myself that I let Nick and Garrett's awful behavior towards me influence what I do with this guy.
Cindy. I need you to hit me. Guys like this do not follow me around all the time. When did I become a blubbering child? Oh, I was hurt, I can never be with anyone again. Please. How dramatic.

On another note, when did people start thinking I was beautiful? Several people have said this this week, it's weird. Like, it weirds me out. I don't know. I have such stupid problems. "Oh, a boy likes me but I'm scared. People think I'm pretty poor me." I want to punch myself in the face.

Something interesting going on...um...Dennis told me he was in love with me. We've agreed to stay just friends, I told him I could not lose him, not after how bad it hurt to lose Garrett. I don't give a shit if Dennis could be IT, I refuse. I said no. So at least I'm learning, right? I have that capability. Shocking, I know, right?

New Years was fucking awesome, I had a good time despite the fact I only knew one person going into the last party I ended up at. They all ended up being really cool. I like being myself sometimes, I have a lot of fun.

My hair is fucking long Cindy. Have you seen this motherfucker? Its long.

Omg, I'm messing with the boy, talking about how I contracted a disease from a night of sleeping with you...mono...haha. He's like, um, wtf. You know, because once you get mono you are always a carrier. Which is hilarious. Not being a carrier, that's stupid. He thinks I have like herpes or something, and I got it from you. You dirty slut.
Haha. kidding.

I wish I had something more interesting to talk about. I don't anymore. My life has become totally normal and I reaaaaaaalllllllyyyyy like it. Good times.

Miss you!

-mbizzle.