It was something I could never forget

I'm not always the best at expressing my emotions, I blame my mother (not really). But these last three days feel like a dream. I keep expecting to wake up and find out this was all a really vivid dream. I'm okay with that, if it is, because it is totally worth it, I literally never thought I would be back in his room, wrapped up, laughing and happy like I was when we were together.
I guess I should start at the very beginning, wherever that is, and explain myself fully. Obviously you remember the break up since you were the first literal person I saw immediately after it happened. I like to think I held myself together alright around you, but looking back on it, I think I did a lot of crying.
When I got home from you I spent two weeks alternately in Courtney's room or my own crying and watching television, and after that it became business as usual. Kind of. I spent basically all of September shit faced drunk, and I can't pretend that was because I suddenly became some kind of party girl. October was better, I turned 22, I went on some dates with some people, and generally picked myself back up off the floor and remembered that I had dignity (who knew?). On Halloween I met Michael, and it was the first time I really felt like I could go back out with someone and nothing was going to happen. And I really liked Mike, he was sarcastic and he could keep up with me (for the most part, but I'm getting there), and our first date was a lot of fun. However, it would have been a lie if I said Brian wasn't kind of chilling out in the back of my mind. So I stopped talking to him for a while, so I could concentrate on Mike, I knew I never would be able if I was always wondering what Brian was doing, and besides, at that point I knew Brian was seeing somebody else. I think we spoke for a moment in December, but for the most part I was happy with Mike..in a way. Mike and I were never going to work out, and I knew it from the third date when I slept with him. I'm not saying he was bad, but it was one of those moments when afterwards you're just like, 'thats it?'. I don't know what I was expecting from Mike, but no one, including Mike can or ever will say I didn't try damn hard to make things work. I changed a lot of things about my most basic personality to be with him. I am a bouncy, energetic person. I don't like sitting inside watching movies every time I'm with the person I'm with, and that's all we ever did. Movies, sex, sleep. Then I'd get up and leave and he'd go to work and we wouldn't see each other for another six days, repeat. We did one daylight activity, and the whole time I thought I was so lucky, which is ridiculous. What boy doesn't want to go out with his girlfriend on the weekends? It dawned on me last Thursday that I wasn't happy anymore. The were so many other things, like how he refused to tell me I was pretty because I already knew, so he didn't need to say it. Just because I know doesn't mean I like hearing it. He was still a good guy, and I'm not gonna trash talk (much), I don't want anyone to dislike him specifically.
But then I texted Brian last thursday? Or Friday? I'm not sure. I think it was Thursday night, just talking about my car or some shit, I don't even remember what I asked him. But I told him I wanted to break up with Mike. And the next morning he texted asking how it went. And we spent the afternoon talking, and later that night I sent something else to him, and for the next two days we talked non stop, while Mike and I fought the whole time. And Saturday night I went to a frat party and got kind of drunk, told Brian I wished he was there, and he said he wished he was too, and I said I missed him, and he said it too, and then I blogged to you, waited two minutes, and then told Brian, "we should do something before Tuesday" (we had plans for Tuesday.), and he asked what I was doing the next day. I made sure Mike wasn't planning on anything, which of course he wasn't, and Brian and I agreed to meet at the Zone (a bar).
I think I changed 800 times before I finally settled on what I ALWAYS end up wearing, purple shirt, nice jeans, curly hair. And I walked in completely nervous and found Brian, and tried to keep it together. He let me make a lot of jokes at his expense, which I always enjoy, but halfway through I realized I had not been so happy, or so myself in a long time, and it felt good. I don't really remember when we started talking about what happened, I just remember being afraid of what he was going to say, and wondering why he was bringing it up, because I was fairly certain I was the only one who still felt that way. I remember him telling me he couldn't tell me why he broke up with me, because he didn't know, but that he regretted it, and feeling like I was never going to be able to catch my breath. And at some point I told him in a very round about way that I was still in love with him. We left when the bar closed and decided we didn't want to part ways, so we went back to his place, and on the way there I was resolved to behave.
Which lasted for like....fifteen minutes? He was laying, I was sitting, both of us were in pajamas. Then I laid down, turned around so I was facing him, and we were kind of touching, and hand holding, and then the kissing started, and once we did that I knew it was over. He said, "I forgot what those felt like," and I was smiling, and we kept doing it, and then I was taking off his clothes...you can guess the rest.
Breaking up with Mike was hard, I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but it had been over before Brian had walked back in. He made me do it over a text message, he refused to answer my phone calls. I tried, I really did, but I never wanted them both.
I might be making a huge mistake, but it's my life, and I'm allowed to make those mistakes. I know there are no guarantees that anything will be any different this time around, but I want to take that chance. Its on me. This is what I want, and for what it's worth, I haven't been this happy in a long time. This is how love should be.
I can't wait to see you this weekend.
Your welcome for the biopic on my life.

-mb